Voice message

[Buford57]

I've decided to change my voice message for the benefit of SPAM callers:

No one is available to take your call. For English marque dos; para Espanol press one; to have your bank account drained, enter your nine-digit Social Security Number, followed by the pound key; for all other calls, please stay on the line and an operator will assist you as soon as pigs fly.

 

[soFlaNative]

 

[mtgianni]

I had one my wife quickly took down. It went something like " Hi, this is us. Your call is important to us so please leave your name, number, month and year you called and we will get back to you at our earliest convenience."

 

[WR Moore]

I was supposed to call a guy and got his answering machine. "Hi, this is ______ my wife is out of town and I've quit bathing, shaving and brushing my teeth. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you once Bubbles, Peaches and Hot Lips have left."

I had to call back after I quit laughing to leave a message.

 

[robvious]

I used to have..

hello you have reached the voice mail of.... I am either unable or unwilling to answer the phone right now, please leave a message.

this was my office message for years, well over 5 years... then someone in the company left me a message while I was on vacation... I was politely asked to change it..

 

[arjay]

Mine says “text me” click. [emoji4]

 

[Truckman]

I think my cell phone has one of those little answering machines built into it...Maybe I should see if anyone ever left me a message......Ben

 

[LVSteve]

I was supposed to call a guy and got his answering machine. "Hi, this is ______ my wife is out of town and I've quit bathing, shaving and brushing my teeth. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you once Bubbles, Peaches and Hot Lips have left."

I had to call back after I quit laughing to leave a message.

Pictures of Bubbles, Peaches, and Hot Lips aren't loading...

 

[steelslaver]

FBI, cyber crimes unit, please press your extension number or stay on the line until your call is traced.

 

[DWalt]

Recently, all the calls I get are robocalls from some female voice who wants to tell me about the new changes to Medicare. She wouldn't be able to hear my message.

 

[Oldengineer]

My message is “moshee, moshee”; which is talk talk in Japanese. I don’t get many messages left. I treat phone calls as a scheduled event. Make an appointment and I may honor it.

 

[Buford57]

The current greeting goes:
I'm unable to take your call. If you're calling to sell me a car warranty, tell me something about a Nigerian prince, ask my opinion on ANY political question or want my blood or my endorsement for any office, don't bother waiting for the tone. If you think I might actually know you, leave your name and number.

It's getting kind of stale, so I thought I'd mix it up a bit.

It's easier on my work phone. I answer all calls "Investigations, Buford...". Get a lot of hangups.

 

[kmyers]

I set up a message that was:

"The next time you decide to bother me with calls...DON'T.".

I was ordered to change it to a normal message in the off chance the call may be legit.

 

[A10]

My honey told one yesterday that she was putting a voodoo curse on him.....

 

[HOUSTON RICK]

I used to have the phone sequence on my answering machine (remember those) from Pink Floyd "The Wall" when a man calls his wife overseas long distance and another man answers. Everyone got it except a friend's wife called and was very confused and called the operator and let me have it when she saw me. Since then I keep it simple and boring.

 

[Walkin Horse]

Mine says Leave me a message. If I’m not dead I’ll call you back.
I take some heat for it,but so what.

 

[Smoke]

My hearing loss makes it almost impossible for me to talk on a phone. My actual friends know this so they text instead of calling.

The first thing I do when I buy a new phone is set all notifications to "Silent" and all calls not from my family straight to voice mail.

If my phone rings it's the VA, a telemarketer or (back in the day) work. Either way I'm not answering.

My outgoing voice-mail message is the default robo message.

If I don't leave a message you don't get a call back

 

[kamloops67]

Back in the old days when people used answering machines , I had a message that was me yelling “hello ? Hello?” Over a loud song playing in back ground
It would say “ hello ? Hello? … just a minute I can’t hear you !
Let me turn down the music”
The music volume would be turned down and I would return to the message “ I can’t come to the phone right now but if you leave a message I’ll get back to you
lol loved that one , people would be yelling hello hello ! At the answering machine

 

[Memphis]

My son had one that drove me (and LOTS of others) crazy. His would say "hello, ....hello" like he was actually there. All the while you'd be trying to tell him who you are and that you're there... and then you'd hear a chuckle and prompt to leave a msg.

Roger

 

[Engineer1911]

My cell phone is for my convenience. If a name is displayed from my directory, I answer. If not, I press the "silence ring" button and check voice mail later.