Pop's2 is Right!
The world’s worst hamburger?
I’m with Pop on this one; White Castle hamburgers should be labeled as life-threatening hazards and should be served with all appropriate MSDS documentation. I was out in Chicago-land a few years ago where these things seem to have originated (…much like some other toxic and ill-conceived people or things that I could mention, but won’t) on a shop visit. Returning to my hotel late one night, I was hungry and drove by a well-lit and seemingly humanly populated White Castle restaurant, so I though that I’d give it a try. The one inch thick lexan, bullet-proof glass on the drive-though window should have given me a clue, but I was apparently blinded by hunger and I didn’t stop to accurately assess my surroundings. Big mistake. I parked my rental car and went in.
The denizens of White Castle on a Thursday night at around midnight were…well, like something out of a Steven King novel. In retrospect, this may have been due more to the proximity of that particular restaurant in relation to Juliette State Prison, but then again, its clientele may have simply been attracted to the fare that was being served at that establishment; I dunno. Cold, unsmiling and hard stares from glazed and bloodshot eyes greeted me as I entered; from both the service staff and from the customers. I felt like a foreign visitor from a far-away planet. It reminded me very much of the Star Wars bar scene (except for the bright, gleaming fluorescent lighting, white floor tiles and chrome countertops). LLKool-J was blasting from the miniscule and tinny speakers that were stuck up in the corners above the counter.
The burger-making machines were in full production. They make those things on an assembly line that would do Detroit proud. The buns arrive en-block; I believe a dozen to a group and they appeared to have been pre-sliced (..no knives allowed, I guess). The “meat” and fixings were then applied (…I don’t know how else to describe this) by means of a large, multi-nozzled grease gun looking contraption. The en-block bun tops were then somehow re-installed and the fully loaded sliders were dispatched into a steam box (or a de-louser, …I dunno) and were then packaged, ready to be enjoyed. Soilant Green came to mind as I watched the burger-making process.
But I was not to be deterred. I was hungry and ate 4 of them anyways. That was like 10 years ago. I can still taste them. A couple of weeks ago at the gedunk in the plant where I work, they had White Castle hamburgers in the vending machines. Two for a buck, as I recall. I do believe that my company may be embarking upon an employee attrition plan. -S2
