Bigfoot sighting just outside your door!

All this talk about Bigfoot so...What gun would you use if you walked out to get the Sunday paper and caught Bigfoot taking it from the box? P.S this is hypothetically speaking of coarse so forget about being serious.

I steal my Sunday paper from the neighbor...

I would let him have that Sunday paper if he would let me have the funnies. I don't care to read the part about what druggie shot the other druggie and I don't need the grocery ads since I am 50 miles away from the store. If Mr. Foot tried to keep the funny paper I'd Glock him like he was human.

Heym .470 NE double rifle in the relatively affordable "PH" (professional hunter) model. Runs about 20 grand, give or take.

On a budget, a grand or so will net a CZ bolt action in .416 Rigby. Though you loose that quick follow up shot that might an important charge stopper that has been the traditional reason for having a double rifle when facing dangerous game.

On youtube you can see some videos of the .470 NE in action, such as - instead of shooting gallon water jugs - destroying a 55 gallon drum full of water. Should kill most everything and for a nominal additional sum, you can get add'l fitted sets of bbls in .30-06 and 20 gauge and just do everything with the same gun.

That'll keep any errant 'squatch from absconding with the Sunday insert and its lucrative Burger King coupons.

Do NOT use the .470 on gray aliens though. For them, you have to use either a special AP load in an FN 5.7 or else the hard to get black tip 5.56mm AP. Otherwise you have to get in close and thunk them with a .45 auto - or other weapon - that fires a subsonic projectile. It's a defect of their armor that it doesn't activate well against a subsonic threat since they designed it to counter their own energy weapons and hypersonic projectiles. Old slabsides will drop them every time though. Oh and don't touch the blood, it is toxic to humans. And yes, it is greenish, or at least becomes so when it contacts oxygen at the levels present in earth atmosphere.

You can also confuse them at time by shining them with the impulse from a TV remote control since they can see in the IR spectrum.

Vampires, they don't usually get up and around to steal a paper in the morning. Though I suppose with dark Raybans and SPF 100 it might be possible. Fire would work - it is the Biblical strength cleanser. Or a good sword to chop off the head. Or a 12 gauge blast to the face. But that works on most people and things.

Now werewolves might be more of a problem, since they love to chew up papers. Again, the flamethrower might work best, but if you don't have one, simply keep a coach gun by the door. Load it with shells using silver dimes as projectiles.

For Haitian voodoo zombies, try rounds loaded with Kosher salt. Yes, it has to be kosher. Or use fire again. Voodoo zombies hate fire.

For the other kind of zombies... see reference to 12 gauge blast to face or just use the Heym. Come to think of it, a .470 round works on most things too....

I'm in the camp that he can have that dumb paper I get, The Indianapolis Star. Don't have to worry about taking it from the box tho. The carrier always throws it in the ditch out front.

Ole BF may hurt his back bending over to get it! I wouldn't shoot him. I usually have my 317 loaded with Stingers in my pocket and that may not even sting him if I did shoot him.

Probably just get him in the Jeep and run out to Burger King for a sausage croissant with cheese and a diet coke. Unless he's allergic to cheese.

Gun? Bah... I'd just go after him with my trusty old spoon.

I just went out to the garage to grab a diet coke. Bad storms going on here, clearing up and the moon is starting to show. Want to report no sign of BF, vampires, mothman, werewolves, booger men or flying monkeys.

NOW, if there had been flying monkeys, I would have retreated to my bedroom, retrieved my 44 levergun and let loose a few! I am terrified of flying monkeys.

hiram2005 said:

I just went out to the garage to grab a diet coke. Bad storms going on here, clearing up and the moon is starting to show. Want to report no sign of BF, vampires, mothman, werewolves, booger men or flying monkeys.
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You know... I don't think that there ever was a thread to determine the proper anti-mothman round...Ponders.

writerinmo said:

I steal my Sunday paper from the neighbor...

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Are you sure rchance isn't your neighbor? Perhaps he saw you without his glasses on.

Browning A-Bolt Medallion 7mm magnum. Never shot much more than a whitetail deer with it but I figure if it works with them using one shot, then three shots ought to take out about anything.

Well... i'd grab a camera and make my self a truckload of money with the pictures

I'd go back inside and get my Bigfoot EMF Field Protective Suit. Without it, you'll be just running around delirious through the neighborhood.

Probably turn around, walk back into the house, then drink all the Jack Daniels I had left in the bottle, sit down at the computer, log into the S&W forum, start a new topic about how I just saw Bigfoot taking my newspaper from my mailbox, then wait for replies about how nuts I am and what kind of firearm should be used to take him out if he takes it the next morning, then I would drive to liquor store for another bottle of Jack Daniels and drink that one too.

absolutevil said:

Probably turn around, walk back into the house, then drink all the Jack Daniels I had left in the bottle, sit down at the computer, log into the S&W forum, start a new topic about how I just saw Bigfoot taking my newspaper from my mailbox, then wait for replies about how nuts I am and what kind of firearm should be used to take him out if he takes it the next morning, then I would drive to liquor store for another bottle of Jack Daniels and drink that one too.

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THINK MAN - THINK.
You're only buying 1 bottle of Jack? After that?
Now I've heard everything..........
Also being down to 1 bottle of Jack in the first place is just bad planning --- sorry.

As for Big - I'd tell my wife that he was taking the Sunday paper (ya know - the one with all the coupons) and let her handle it.
IF Big is dumb and resists -- -Well, then I'll get rich for having PROOF that big foot not only exists, but we have his beaten body in our driveway too.

Ya know why he's been so hard to catch don't ya?
Ever see pictures of that dude? He's all blurry.

Well if it was the Sunday paper he might just want to see if theres a Jack Link's beef jerky coupon and maybe leave the rest of the paper behind, you never know with them Big Foots. They could wait at the local store for him to cash in that coupon and get his picture on the security camera at the front door, the one with the ruler on it, to see how tall he really is.

oldman45 said:

Browning A-Bolt Medallion 7mm magnum. Never shot much more than a whitetail deer with it but I figure if it works with them using one shot, then three shots ought to take out about anything.

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Make sure to change your ammunition type if you do ever go after potentially dangerous game though. Deer are thin skinned critters so the types of rounds that generally drop them tend not to penetrate well on thicker skinned beasts. Thus you'd want something that offers more penetration and less expansion.

PAY for the Cleveland Plain Dealer?

That's WAY more implausible than a bigfoot at my front door.

Let him have it.

If it is anything like the quality of the papers here, he probably just needs it to line the floor of his parakeet's cage.

Not sure...but I know it would be lettered.

That depends. What kind of gun is Bigfoot carrying and how often does he go to the range to train? Maybe I should just invite him in for breakfast.