the private detective and the blond haired brown eyed waitress

rwsmith said:
How many of us have exotic romances? I'll bet 99% of us have similar stories. My wife has been reading Romance novels that aren't about mysterious princes with dark looks and flashing teeth living in a castle on a cliff above the ocean, but everyday people. I don't do romance novels but if I did I'd much rather read the latter.
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How many people read a book about Jaques the farmer versus how many read a book about Napoleon? People read to either learn something or as entertainment, if the latter, it is generally to escape their own life. Same as there are more action figures of soldiers and super heroes than ones of Larry the cubicle dweller (who comes with carpal tunnel wrist brace in lieu of kung fu grip)
 
I was waiting for Craig to blow out his brains when Ashley turned down his marriage proposal.
 
MG, I enjoyed your tale. Keep on writing!
peace,
Gordon
At least the title said, "blonde haired", instead of blonde headed. I told my son when he was little that red headed people are probably native Americans, and so on.
 
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I thought it was a nice story.
And just to set the record straight, I've been a PI for almost 20 years and I say Grace before each meal and go to church every Sunday. Even wear a suit and a tie when I do.:cool: I am also a HOPELESS romantic.:cool:
I have seriously considered writing a book about my Investigative and Armed Bodyguard experiences. So far I have a list of about 20 chapters. All true stories, but I will of course change names and details to protect the clients.
I always thought Philip Marlowe, Sam Spade, Jim Rockford and Thomas Magnum were pretty cool. But I can say from a LOT of experience, those experiences and reality are two very different things.
I still liked the story. Keep it up.:cool:
Jim
 
I hope this doesn't come across as mean-spirited...but what are you people talking about?

You keep referring to "the story". There was no "story". There was a narrative. It described a guy (ostensibly a Private Detective, although the only proof of that was the fact that it was plainly stated. He might just as well have been a truck driver, an accountant, a laborer, or a lion-tamer. Except for the gratuitous mention of a S&W revolver, there was no other purpose served by mentioning his occupation) who went to a diner, ordered his usual burger, asked the waitress (whom he had known for some time) out on a date, one week from that day. A week passed, he picked her up, they went to dinner, they went to a movie, he drove her home in a rain storm, they chatted at her place, he went home. They continued to date for the next 2 years, he proposed, she said, "Yes", and they were married. They had triplets, they were married for 69 years (during which time, apparently nothing whatsoever worthy of the slightest mention EVER occurred!) They died.

So...which part exactly is, "the story"? I'm sorry, but I could write down the events of my most boring day, and it would be a more compelling "story". There was 10 times more content devoted to starting the car, parking the car, fastening/unfastening of seat belts ,etc., than there was to anything else!

Now, again...I'm not trying to be mean, awful, nasty, and/or vicious. I'm sure that mg357 is a great person, and a nice individual. HOWEVER, telling him that his story is "great" is, by my way of thinking, not doing him any favors! I understand that he never actually asked for feedback and/or criticism...so perhaps I'm way out of line here, and if that's the case then I sincerely apologize for offering advice where none was asked for (actually...I do tend to give unsolicited advice, I really need to work on that!)

Still, I would think that, as a community of friendly well-meaning people, it is preferable to give honest, (hopefully) constructive criticism rather than saying, "That's great!"...when that's not quite the truth. Well...isn't it?

So, mg357, by all means, keep writing. You've got the right idea, but you need to inject a little more "meat" into your story. Make us care about the characters, or at least have some interest in what happens to them! And then...have SOMETHING happen to them!

And, I'm glad to see someone else say it. Yes, M E Morrison, it's really annoying when people quote a very long passage, for no discernible reason. You could have made the same statement that you posted, sans the quote, and it would have sent the exact same message. From my experience, at least, hitting "quick reply" will not quote the post, you must hit "quote" to get that response. In any case...quit it! (Said with a joking tone) :D

Tim
 
Bullzaye said:
So...which part exactly is, "the story"? I'm sorry, but I could write down the events of my most boring day, and it would be a more compelling "story". There was 10 times more content devoted to starting the car, parking the car, fastening/unfastening of seat belts ,etc., than there was to anything else!
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Eh, I don't know. I liked the part where his girlfriend was kidnapped by the mad Russian scientist Dr Volkov who wanted to use her in his experiments to breed a race of half human and half gorilla minions. And then the hero had to fist fight the giant scorpion and Torvo the hunchbacked assistant, the latter in an Apache brass knuckles death match.

I never guessed his old partner Earl was the one planted the heroin and turned him in to IAD. I thought it was the Captain who was on the take.

Then the guy's 20 year addiction to scorpion venom and his battle with it...he beat it just in time to stop those cultists from sacrificing Aunt Florence in an attempt to raise Cthulu from the well.

Plus in end where we learn he had a dead Roswell alien in the trunk and Aunt Florence was really Uncle Herbert and was under deep cover for FBI director Hoover. I wondered why Aunt Florence had five o' clock shadow and smoked cigars. That also explains where Aunt Florence learned judo.

It was all in there. You just have to read between the lines and fill in the blanks about what happened after they got married. Solemn nod.
 
Some of you guys are too critical. At least he is trying--and something he's interested in. That said, I like creative writing and used to excel at it so now am afraid to share a few creations...well not really afraid to post--but never think of it till too late.

Hey,MG--just let it rolloff your back-like I did when being made fun of for poor grammar due to lousy keyboard. ;-))
 
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the ringo kid said:
Some of you guys are too critical. At least he is trying--and something he's interested in. That said, I like creative writing and used to excel at it so now am afraid to share a few creations...well not really afraid to post--but never think of it till too late.

Hey,MG--just let it rolloff your back-like I did when being made fun of for poor grammar due to lousy keyboard. ;-))
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Many are unaware of the Matthew George fan club here at the forum.:)
 
GatorFarmer said:
Eh, I don't know. I liked the part where his girlfriend was kidnapped by the mad Russian scientist Dr Volkov who wanted to use her in his experiments to breed a race of half human and half gorilla minions. And then the hero had to fist fight the giant scorpion and Torvo the hunchbacked assistant, the latter in an Apache brass knuckles death match.

I never guessed his old partner Earl was the one planted the heroin and turned him in to IAD. I thought it was the Captain who was on the take.

Then the guy's 20 year addiction to scorpion venom and his battle with it...he beat it just in time to stop those cultists from sacrificing Aunt Florence in an attempt to raise Cthulu from the well.

Plus in end where we learn he had a dead Roswell alien in the trunk and Aunt Florence was really Uncle Herbert and was under deep cover for FBI director Hoover. I wondered why Aunt Florence had five o' clock shadow and smoked cigars. That also explains where Aunt Florence learned judo.

It was all in there. You just have to read between the lines and fill in the blanks about what happened after they got married. Solemn nod.
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Sounds like the plot of a Carl Hiaasen book. Only thing missing is getting high from licking frogs. :D
 
DeathGrip said:
Really? You can get high from licking frogs?

I'll be right back, There's a tree frog on my window........
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Toads, actually.

Some species of Cane Toads (Bufo Marinus, et al.) secrete a milky white fluid containing bufotenin- poisonous to many animals, allegedly hallucinogenic to humans.
 
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DeathGrip, you are in the right place to lick some toad. Here's Hiaasen's true story description of toad golfing and then toad licking was a subplot in one of his Everglades novels from several years ago. I forget which one but it was good.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Downhill-Lie-Hackers- Ruinous/dp/product-description/0307280454
It occurred one night that same year, when my best friend and fishing companion, Bob Branham, called to report a disturbing infestation. The culprit was Bufo marinus, a large and brazen type of toad that had invaded South Florida from Central America and proliferated rapidly, all but exterminating the more docile native species. The Bufo grows to two pounds and eats anything that fits in its maw, including small birds and mice. When threatened, it excretes from two glands behind its eyes a milky toxin extremely dangerous to mammals. Adventuresome human substance abusers have claimed that licking Bufo toads produces psychedelic visions, but the practice is often fatal for dogs and cats.
 
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