It is true that +P will wear your gun out quicker than non +P. But you will probably not live long enough to see either one happen.
Case diameter after firing is totally irrelevant. Fuggedaboutit!!
You are way over-thinking this, driving way ahead of your headlights. Like I said, use published data and you will be fine.
Velocity comparisons between .45 and 9mm are pointless. Too many other factors matter as well.
Moxie I am using Hornady but the reason I am concerned a
Speer Gold Dot and Fed. HST both offer 124 loadings in non +P form. Check the online vendors. Here's a great deal and example:
50 Round Box - 9mm Federal HST 124 Grain JHP Hollow Point LE Ammo P9HST1 | SGAmmo.com
The 1.06" is on the short side for a hollowpoint. For a round nose it's in the ball park. For example, Missouri Bullet recommends 1.08" for their 124 RNL. But if Hornady recommends it for their bullet I wouldn't worry about it.
What reloading books are you using? I like the Speer and the Lyman. I'd recommend you get them, read the front part word for word. Then get your dies out and read the instructions. Set up the dies exactly as they say. Now go reload. While you're doing all that, save up for a chronograph. It will help immensely.