A Dead Parrot (copied form the Colt Forum)

[woodsltc]

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the
caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is
dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he
die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor . He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on
fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a
candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I
thought she was a thief, so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited
Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom Wangi
Exhibition Grade Stock.

SILENCE... LONG SILENCE...VERY LONG SILENCE.

"Ernesto, if you scratched that shotgun, you're in deep ****."

(copied from the Colt Forum!)


Don

 

[Rudi]

Gotta have priorities.

 

[Rustyt1953]

"Pining for the Fjords".

 

[woodsltc]

"Pining for the Fjords".

Channeling Monty Python.....


Don

 

[rwsmith]

It had to be done....

Channeling Monty Python.....


Don

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218[/ame]


PS: James Thurber listened incessantly to the "Dead Parrot" novelty record, until it developed a scratch and repeated...


"He died from eating burnt hoss flesh" 'click;

"burnt hoss flesh" 'click'

"burnt hoss flest" 'click'......

PPS: I think it was actually, "The dog died." on the record.

 

[RobertJ.]

"Pining for the Fjords".

I sent my sister a photo of a dead raccoon and told her he was pining for the fjords. She replied immediately with, "Beautiful plumage!"

 

[Golddollar]

Parrots seem to get into trouble all the time.

A very devout and proper single man decided that it would be nice to have a parrot around the house for company. So he went to the pet store in town and selected a large parrot that was advertised as having a large vocabulary.

It turned out that a large part of the parrot's vocabulary was streams of profanity. No admonitions from the owner seemed to have any effect. Finally one day the parrot was letting loose with a stream of profanity, and in mid stream the owner grabbed the parrot by the neck and threw it into a chest freezer.

After about 20 minutes the owner got concerned about the parrot and pulled it out of the freezer. After a few minutes out of the freezer the parrot and the owner had this exchange:

Parrot: Sir, I am truly ashamed of myself and I deeply apologize for my previous crude and ill behavior. I want to go forth in good spirit and proper behavior in the future. So that I don't accidently misbehave in the future, may I ask a question?

Owner: Certainly.

Parrot: What the heck did the chicken do?

 

[Rudi]

SWEET POLLY!!!! Great sketch. An old girlfriend, bird, was from Bolton. Had a great time there.