A joke

[DeplorabusUnum]

Guy walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a glass of punch".

Bartender replies "You gotta get in line" and motions to the other end of the bar

The guy looks and notices no one standing at the other end of the bar and says "There's no punch line".

 

[Absalom]

Ouch.

 

[s&wchad]

Ouch!!!

As bad jokes go, this has to be #1!

 

[Rustyt1953]

Ouch!!!

As bad jokes go, this has to be #1!

It needs a category unto itself.

 

[Burley]

A blind man falls into a hole in the ground. He just didn't see that well.

 

[625-7]

Two blonds

walked into a building. You think one of them would have noticed

 

[Rustyt1953]

Ernest Scribbler is still the undisputed champ.

 

[625-7]

Ernest Scribbler is still the undisputed champ.

I'm at a toss up between Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield, Take my Bar mitzfah please

 

[Ogandydancer]

Yikes! what do I do now"?

 

[Chik a Boom]

I'll drink to that!

 

[Univibe]

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Hey buddy -- why the long face?"

 

[RobertJ.]

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food."

A baby seal goes into a bar. The bartender asks what he'll have. The baby seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."

 

[Marshwheeling]

A skeleton walks into a bar:
“Give me a pitcher of beer and a mop”.

 

[soFlaNative]

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” — Mae West

 

[soFlaNative]

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.” — WC Fields

 

[dirty & hairy]

"Poor old fool" thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub, so he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he's humor the old man and asked "So how many have you caught today?" The old man replied "You're the eighth."

 

[rwsmith]

There's a guy jumping.....

"Poor old fool" thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub, so he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he's humor the old man and asked "So how many have you caught today?" The old man replied "You're the eighth."

There's a guy jumping up and down on a manhole cover, yelling, "Fifty-Five, Fifty Five, Fifty Five......." when a another man walks up and asks, "What in the world are you doing?" The guy said, lifting the manhole cover, "Get in and you'll see". The man climbs down and the guy puts the cover back on, jumps up and down on it,yelling, "Fifty six, Fifty, six, Fifty six!"

 

[Golddollar]

A kangaroo hops into a bar and orders a Crown Royal. The bartender pours the drink and says, "That will be $7.50." The kangaroo pays the bartender and starts to sip his drink.

The bartender gets a little curious and then says, "We don't get many kangaroos in here."

The kangaroo relies, "At these prices you won't get many more."

 

[Rustyt1953]

 

[Geronimo Jim]

I am not totally convinced, but this joke might deserve a time
out.

 

[steelslaver]

My brother has schizophrenia, but he’s good people.

 

[steelslaver]

One snow man to another, "Do you smell carrots"?

 

[Jon651]

A man gathers all his ice fishing gear and walks out onto the ice. As he begins to cut a hole in the ice, he hears a booming voice from above:

"There are no fish under the ice!" the voice from above says.

The man looks around but doesn't see anyone in sight, so he continues to cut his hole in the ice.

The loud, booming voice repeats: "I said there are no fish under the ice!"

The man looks around again, and still not seeing anyone yells back: "God, is that you?"

The voice then replies: "No. I am the rink manager - and there are no fish under the ice!"

 

[Doug627]

So I woke up and I found my dog lying on the patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. So I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard. About 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors kids screaming, so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

 

[Spajohn]

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

 

[jdlii]

A new skydiver takes his first solo parachute jump and at 3,000 feet, pulls the rip cord but, nothing happens. At 2,000 ft. he sees a guy coming up from the ground with his arm flailing and yells to him: "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?"

As the guy gets even with the skydiver he yells his response: "No but, do you know anything about gas camp stoves?"

 

[MTC(SS)Ret]

Arguing with your wife is like trying to read a "Terms of Use" policy on the internet. In the end you just give up and go, "I agree".

 

[steelslaver]

I would ask God for a bike, but God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

[Donn]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy, the other's a little lighter.

 

[mod34]

Ouch!!!

As bad jokes go, this has to be #1!

Doesn't he get like a no-no point/infraction or something for that one??