A serious question for y'all

[walkin jack]

I have a half-brother somewhere but I was raised as an only child. From the time I was 13 years old in 1957 until I retired in 2001 I worked like a dog. In all those years I was never more than 2 weeks without at least one job and that was right after I came back from the service.

As a result I always put my social life 2nd behind my job(s). Not to say that I didn't have friends, I did. But I have never been the kind to have neighbors dropping by at 0630 for their morning coffee and hanging out for long hours with the guys.

I have one main best friend that I met in Navy boot camp in June of 1962 and we have been the best of friends since then. I have always had what you might call acquaintances but none I'd put my life on the line for except for Ben.

But when I retired (actually 3 or 4 years years before that) I got involved with a group on the internet that has change my life. I have met people, been places, been exposed to different cultures, had experiences that never in this world would have been possible for me. I have made friendships that will be with me until I die. I'm talking about people that I have now known for nearly 15 years. Hunted, fished, vacationed, partied and just hung out with so so many people and their families. A total turn around from the way I had always been.

Does this sound great? I have tried to make it sound great. It is great. I was afraid that when I retired I would just plant my bee-hind in a rockin' chair on the front porch with my trusty 10/22 across my knees and watch the world go by. But now with so many people in my life I'm busier than every. And not just on weekends either. I'm old now and a lot of these folks are old too so every day is Saturday for us. But all this goodness come with a price tag and I find it heavy to the point of being almost unbearable.

I have been to a lot of funerals and memorial services. My friends are all passing away. I know it's a part of life. But as I've explained I was not used to it. I am not used to it. The year is scarcely 2 months old and I've already been to 4 funerals or memorial services for people I dearly loved. The last one was just this last Sunday. And there are several of our bunch that are dealing with heart disease, emphasema and I don't even want to talk about the bid C. All this has left me feeling very emotional and kind of empty.

I've heard it said that grief is the price we pay for the ability to love. Well, yeah, but sorting out all these feelings is not easy for me at this stage in my life. My questions to my new friends here in the fine group is what do you do? How do you manage? How do you deal with the sorrow. I've always known that life is not just about fun and good times. Still, here I am....

I know I'm new in here but y'all seem like such a great group and I'm not doing so well right now. I hope I didn't bring everybody down with this but any words of comfort, wisdom or advice would help me a lot. Thank you for your indulgence. I'm basically a happy natured guy. I'm not usually given to emotional outbursts or reaching out to people I don't know very well. I just have the sense that some of you will understand and may even be in the same boat. Anyway, Thanks. I feel all better now.

 

[ogilvyspecial]

Back when I was around 30-35, I lost a number of my close friends, two were murdered in
different incidences. I had to attend the funeral of the one who was shot on a
Dec 24th, which made for a somewhat subdued Christmas that year.

I have made some new friends since then and one time my wife asked me,
jokingly, do you tell your new friends that you might be bad luck?
I answered her honestly by saying, yes, yes I did......

 

[diamonback68]

I'm a good bit older than you and I happily retired in 1997 to Florida where I've met a whole new bag of friends down here. Like you I've lost far too big a number of my new found friends and I myself am fighting Leukemia and it will get me one day, but it didn't today. So, I just get up every day, put my pants on one leg at a time like everyone else and get on with MY life. To me it's simple, the will of God "is" what "is" and there ain't a dang thing you or I can do about it. Try it one day at a time, it works.

 

[puckforbrains]

No real words of wisdom here,all I can say is "time". Some folks need more than others,but these things usually, eventually get easier as time passes.

 

[arjay]

I think DB has it.Too many of mine died young.My kids mother will drink herself to death and I can't stop her.All a guy can do is make new friends and keep going.

 

[wbraswell]

Walkin' Jack, the loss of friends and family are just part of life. All that live must eventually die. I seem to cope with most deaths fairly well. At least when death has come to those who are old and frail. I have lost close friends, also. People in their 50s, way too young. That's harder. Seeing the young die is by far the worst. Nothing can be any worse than parents burying their children. You didn't mention your religion or lack of. I think my faith has always been the rock for me to lean on. I believe that someday I will see them all again, without frailty of mind and body. I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

 

[monet61]

It is painful, losing good friends. Everyone deals with it in their own way, some more successfully than others. No great words of wisdom here, but I understand and hope you are able to get through it.

 

[MH8675309]

I liked what was said in the Shawshank redemption
"you either get busy livin
or get busy dyin".
Grief is a complicated thing though and everbody handles it a little diferent. I lost Dad 17 years ago and every now and then it just kinda sneaks up on me. Specially at Christmastime.

 

[kudzu3]

Congratulations on a good, productive life! I'm 64, retired and stay pretty much broke all the time. Some of my friends have been called home and I miss them all. So far I've had no serious health problems, but we all know that could change real quick. I have a good wife, four grand kids, and a good dog. What more could a man need? Get yourself a hobby, stay busy, make new friends, stop feeling sorry for yourself (if I knew how, I'd put a smiley face here), we all have our ups and downs. If we lived closer together, we'd go fishin' one day. Good luck!

 

[rwsmith]

One thing that is good

Your friends were active and happy just like you, not sitting around waiting for death which will come when it will. In the meantime enjoy life, there are other people like you and you sure wouldn't want to miss out on having another friend, even if it's not permanent. What is??

 

[Reddog]

Jack,
I'm about 10 years older than you and have been through a lot of the same things. One thing a 93 year old friend told me is, gettin' old ain't for Sissys, but consider the alternative! I've had the same wife for 58 years and a caring family! That and your faith should keep you going for a while longer. Good luck! Dick Fors in Kansas.

 

[sipowicz]

Having had children late in life has given me a group of friends (parents of the other kids) who are all about 20 years younger than me...so I doubt I'll be going to many funerals in the future...I guess this is the upside of being the old fart in the group...

 

[labworm]

It is just life itself, we grow old and loose people we love.

I have been very fortunate in life, grew up extremely poor and living in poverty. But that is where I met people I consider my best friends to this day. Going places without a penny in your pockets and enjoying one another as friends.

I had 3 friends since I was 9 years old that I would do anything for. Kenny, my great trout fishing partner passed on in 2003.
Dave, my little black friend, all of 5'2 passed away last year.
Butch is left and he and I meet up at least every 2 weeks and talk on the phone everyday.

The thing I am most grateful for are the great memories that never vanish from my mind with these friends.

So life rolls on, everyone comes and goes, it never changes.
As the memories never disappear.

I'll be 67 soon and will just keep plugging away and someday be united with that old gang of mine that I miss terribly.

It's life just repeating itself.

 

[Grayfox]

I'm 58 years old, a widower, I've buried both my parents and my sister.
You never get over it. You do learn to live with it and move on. The only other option is to give up and die.

 

[venomballistics]

if anything, you might come to realize just how stitched into the fabric of society we all are ... like it or not.

for whatever reason I am reminded of this one night a friend and I had to go over to this other house to drop some long since forgotten article off.
walking in the door, it was kinda creepy. was just this odd bad vibe.
into the dining room area the person we had to give the forgotten article to sat, along with 5 others.
They seemed friendly enough, even inviting us to have a seat ... we couldn't seem to will ourselves to do so, or stay much longer than needed.
One by one over the next few years, not one of them remains on this side of the turf. Suicide, OD's, car accidents, even a murder.
that last obit was kinda like a breaking point ... I spent a good month overwhelmed with trying to make sense of it.
there's no sense to be had of course and I never totally worked it to resolution. I just filed it under things that defy explanation

 

[amazingflapjack]

I Peter 5:7 preferably in the Amplified Translation.

 

[diamonback68]

I Peter 5:7 preferably in the Amplified Translation.

Let's not get into religion here, it's a NO NO!

 

[Tom Beavert]

'Better to have loved & lost--------'

Walking' you & I are about the same age, I lost a few early (nam.wrecks, ect.) then lately, what you mentioned, Big C, heart. All are tough but knowing them has been well worth the trip.

Best of life to you,
Take life as it comes,
Be well
tb

 

[MaximumLawman]

You could always hang out with younger people! I used to have a half dozen WWII vets hanging around my office. I think they liked hanging out because I was 40+ years younger than them....Plus they always needed rides to the dr.....

 

[carpriver]

No wisdom left

when I retired a year ago, I had been doing counseling with people with mental health issues or substance abuse issues. I retired because I felt I had lost my objectivity and my sense of empathy. I have lost friends and coworkers, and a son. I felt the losses very deeply. I think I got desensitized to loss by dealing with other people trauma and became emotionally blunted. You have the ability to feel, you feel the loss of your friends and this is a fairly new experience to you. With all these recent losses you are feeling overwhelmed. Give it some time; what you are feeling is normal. Continue to talk to your friends and family about how you feel. Time is a great healer.