Now I'm not a Vietnam combat vet, but I am a service
vet from that era and I lost two of my best friends
in that war. At any rate, I do occasionally wear a
"U.S. Army Veteran" ball cap. I'm proud to have served.
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to WalMart. There
was nothing in particular that I needed at the
world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips
to Wally World to look at the WalMartians are always
good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel
pretty normal after seeing some of the people that
frequent the establishment.
But, enough of my psychological fixes.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front
of me, wearing ratty jeans and a "Stop global
warming" T-shirt,probably in his early twenties,
asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"
"No" I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that hat? All the Vietnam
guys wear them!"
Because I couldn't find my one for the War of 1812."
I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812 huh." the save-the-planet Walmartian
queried, "When was that?"
Please forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an
opportunity. "1963"
He pondered my response for a moment and responded,
"Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1963?"
"It was a Black Op. We were facing a carefully
counted number of 1812 rebel insurgents in this small
village in Fauxterrastan. No one is supposed to know
about it."
This was beginning to be way fun.
"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do
something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned
toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not
sure. I was one of only five Americans assigned by the
brass to that particular mission. We did all speak
the native language, and we each had classified
skills. The rest of our task force was indigenous.
These guys were not at all like any of us Americans;
very short, bearded and swarthy."
"Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he
was hearing. "That is seriously awesome! But, didn't
you guys kind of stand out?"
"Not really. We were all wearing experimental stealth
camouflage. Made us pretty much invisible." The
seriously mentally deficient dude nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You
can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret
and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me" look.
"Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family
don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to
them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled
through the door.
By this time the lady behind me was about to have a
heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned
at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw
dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young
woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing
excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the
"I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped
in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a
"Homeland Security" hat.
Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the
right kind of hat...
John
vet from that era and I lost two of my best friends
in that war. At any rate, I do occasionally wear a
"U.S. Army Veteran" ball cap. I'm proud to have served.
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to WalMart. There
was nothing in particular that I needed at the
world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips
to Wally World to look at the WalMartians are always
good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel
pretty normal after seeing some of the people that
frequent the establishment.
But, enough of my psychological fixes.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front
of me, wearing ratty jeans and a "Stop global
warming" T-shirt,probably in his early twenties,
asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"
"No" I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that hat? All the Vietnam
guys wear them!"
Because I couldn't find my one for the War of 1812."
I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812 huh." the save-the-planet Walmartian
queried, "When was that?"
Please forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an
opportunity. "1963"
He pondered my response for a moment and responded,
"Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1963?"
"It was a Black Op. We were facing a carefully
counted number of 1812 rebel insurgents in this small
village in Fauxterrastan. No one is supposed to know
about it."
This was beginning to be way fun.
"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do
something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned
toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not
sure. I was one of only five Americans assigned by the
brass to that particular mission. We did all speak
the native language, and we each had classified
skills. The rest of our task force was indigenous.
These guys were not at all like any of us Americans;
very short, bearded and swarthy."
"Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he
was hearing. "That is seriously awesome! But, didn't
you guys kind of stand out?"
"Not really. We were all wearing experimental stealth
camouflage. Made us pretty much invisible." The
seriously mentally deficient dude nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You
can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret
and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me" look.
"Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family
don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to
them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled
through the door.
By this time the lady behind me was about to have a
heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned
at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw
dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young
woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing
excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the
"I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped
in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a
"Homeland Security" hat.
Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the
right kind of hat...
John
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