Another hole in my heart...

[PALADIN85020]

As one gets older, it's inevitable that good friends die. I discovered that one of my closest friends from years ago died 3 months ago without my knowledge - alone.

Her name was Marilyn. I first encountered her in a freshman accounting class in college - she was seated a couple of rows in front of me in the amphitheater used for the large class. She was pretty and wore a green ribbon in her hair - somewhat old-fashioned, but becoming. I noted her name on the roster that was passed around, and made it a point to meet her in the hallway during a break. Turns out we were both running for student senators from the college of business. Two seats were available, and there were four people running.

Again I met her as we walked outside the business building, and I let her know that I wanted both of us to win. In fact, I offered to help her in her campaign in any way I could. I think she was surprised by that - in a pleasant way.

To make a long story short, we both won, sat together in senate meetings, and started dating. Throughout my college years, we were very close.

Of course, I re-united with my true love, now my wife. But Marilyn remained in my thoughts for many years.

Yesterday, on a whim, I googled her name and discovered that she had died - just miles away in Mesa, a neighboring town. The obituary said that she died in her sleep; she was under treatment for memory loss, was in hospice, and the cause of death was colon cancer.

I wish I had known of her problems before she died - there is no doubt in my mind that I would have wanted to see her. I also know that she would not have wanted to see me, she was waning so terribly from chemo.

She was cremated, and her ashes are still waiting for a relative, her nephew in California, to pick them up.

The song "I'll be seeing you" is now running through my mind.

I am lessened mightily because of her passing. She was a very special friend.

John

 

[Wrangler Rich]

John, what a nice tribute to a long time friend. I can understand your thoughts on you wanting to see her and give her encouragement, and knowing her vanity would stand in the way. Losing dear friends always removes a link in our chains.

WR

 

[BillyMagg]

Touching Tribute

As one gets older, it's inevitable that good friends die. I discovered that one of my closest friends from years ago died 3 months ago without my knowledge - alone.

Her name was Marilyn. I first encountered her in a freshman accounting class in college - she was seated a couple of rows in front of me in the amphitheater used for the large class. She was pretty and wore a green ribbon in her hair - somewhat old-fashioned, but becoming. I noted her name on the roster that was passed around, and made it a point to meet her in the hallway during a break. Turns out we were both running for student senators from the college of business. Two seats were available, and there were four people running.

Again I met her as we walked outside the business building, and I let her know that I wanted both of us to win. In fact, I offered to help her in her campaign in any way I could. I think she was surprised by that - in a pleasant way.

To make a long story short, we both won, sat together in senate meetings, and started dating. Throughout my college years, we were very close.

Of course, I re-united with my true love, now my wife. But Marilyn remained in my thoughts for many years.

Yesterday, on a whim, I googled her name and discovered that she had died - just miles away in Mesa, a neighboring town. The obituary said that she died in her sleep; she was under treatment for memory loss, was in hospice, and the cause of death was colon cancer.

I wish I had known of her problems before she died - there is no doubt in my mind that I would have wanted to see her. I also know that she would not have wanted to see me, she was waning so terribly from chemo.

She was cremated, and her ashes are still waiting for a relative, her nephew in California, to pick them up.

The song "I'll be seeing you" is now running through my mind.

I am lessened mightily because of her passing. She was a very special friend.

John

A beautiful life and touching tribute to your friend from a more beautiful and simpler time.. sorry for your heartache. My little brother passed last Feb, day after Valentines day, I was thinking of some friends who have passed in the last year or so...

It does put you in touch with your mortality, and bring no little sadness that we are not immortal in this flesh, and remind us of the necessity of committing our future to a loving Savior...

Thanks for the reminder that we need to keep better track of our friends, and take better care of our family, counting our Blessing's each day.. thank you!

 

[prairieviper]

Whether or not to see a friend who is facing the end of life when that person does not wish to be seen, is a very hard call to make. My best man at my wedding and a good friend was waiting on a organ transplant that never came. His health and physical appearance continued to fail and being a very proud man and knowing what was to come, made it clear he did not want to receive visitors. I honored that request but to this day, I have second thoughts and regrets.

Did I do the right thing? Would my visiting him anyway been more about me than him? I don't have the answer. I wish I did.

 

[panther]

I gave a "like" to your post. I hope you understand it was for the moving message about a lost friend and the reminder to all of us about remembering those people who have been part of our lives and letting them know we still love them.

 

[oldbrownhat]

I had a kind-of-girlfriend when I was at university, too. We never formed a real relationship but I always had a soft spot for her. I found out a few years ago from a neighbour's friend who used to teach in the small town she was from that she had died of cancer back in the late 90s when she would have been in her 40's. That really hurt. I can still remember her name and rural address and beautiful cursve writing

 

[bigmtnman]

I absolutely understand how you feel. I had much the same experience and wrote something very similar about "Mary". I dated her during the last part of my senior year in HS ...... I ended it with ..... "Mary is one of my life's sweetest memories, and THAT is my tribute to a special woman whose passing puts a hole in my heart."

 

[robrossk]

Nice to hear your fond remembrance and words about her. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Ivan the Butcher]

Any friend is hard to come by! Good friends and long term friends doubly so! We are always diminished when we loose one.

My policy since I had my stroke, almost ten years ago, is to replace them as best I can. When I lose a long term friend, I find 2 or 3 younger ones that can use a friend. Some of them just drift away, and some pass away. But in the overall scheme of things I have had a net gain. This is like the old cut down a tree and plant 3 idea.

Celebrate old friends when you can, and celebrate new friends when you can! It is always better to Celebrate than to mope.

Ivan

 

[oddshooter]

Partner,

You've got a good heart.


Prescut

 

[walkin jack]

As one gets older, it's inevitable that good friends die. I discovered that one of my closest friends from years ago died 3 months ago without my knowledge - alone.

Her name was Marilyn. I first encountered her in a freshman accounting class in college - she was seated a couple of rows in front of me in the amphitheater used for the large class. She was pretty and wore a green ribbon in her hair - somewhat old-fashioned, but becoming. I noted her name on the roster that was passed around, and made it a point to meet her in the hallway during a break. Turns out we were both running for student senators from the college of business. Two seats were available, and there were four people running.

Again I met her as we walked outside the business building, and I let her know that I wanted both of us to win. In fact, I offered to help her in her campaign in any way I could. I think she was surprised by that - in a pleasant way.

To make a long story short, we both won, sat together in senate meetings, and started dating. Throughout my college years, we were very close.

Of course, I re-united with my true love, now my wife. But Marilyn remained in my thoughts for many years.

Yesterday, on a whim, I googled her name and discovered that she had died - just miles away in Mesa, a neighboring town. The obituary said that she died in her sleep; she was under treatment for memory loss, was in hospice, and the cause of death was colon cancer.

I wish I had known of her problems before she died - there is no doubt in my mind that I would have wanted to see her. I also know that she would not have wanted to see me, she was waning so terribly from chemo.

She was cremated, and her ashes are still waiting for a relative, her nephew in California, to pick them up.

The song "I'll be seeing you" is now running through my mind.

I am lessened mightily because of her passing. She was a very special friend.

John

My condolences on the loss of your friend. I'm sure I'm not the only one in here that has a story just like yours. Kind of a "what if" situation. Your happy now but thoughts linger through the years of what might have been.

The song that I have in my case was our theme song for our senior prom, "Moments To Remember".

Fortunately in my case she reach out to me 4 years before her death and we had some time to relive some great memories of some great times. Say some things that needed saying.

I am praying for your comfort and acceptance.

 

[Golddollar]

My policy since I had my stroke, almost ten years ago, is to replace them as best I can. When I lose a long term friend, I find 2 or 3 younger ones that can use a friend. Some of them just drift away, and some pass away. But in the overall scheme of things I have had a net gain. This is like the old cut down a tree and plant 3 idea.

Celebrate old friends when you can, and celebrate new friends when you can! It is always better to Celebrate than to mope.

Ivan

Wonderful advice. I've been able to make new friends at school reunions and professional associations who would be young enough to be my children. Friends are friends.

I've always tried to maintain contact with people who have passed through my life, even if it's just a Christmas card each year so they know I'm still around and functioning. One day I got a telephone call from the secretary of an old friend Peter who I've known since we were 8 years old at the YMCA. We ended up going to junior high school and high school together and visited a little and exchanged Christmas cards. Peter wanted to come out and see me, and his secretary asked if I would want to see him. I told her absolutely I would be glad to see him.

Peter came out to my house and we had lunch at the downtown diner. I asked him why he decided to look me up and come out to see me. He told me that of all his early childhood friends, I was the only one he knew of who was still alive. We had a great time, and when it was time for him to go home, Peter, who is a published author, inscribed one of his books to me, as his "oldest longest childhood friend." We've now known each other for 60 years.

 

[charlie sherrill]

I guess the older we get the faster they go. I've lost over a dozen friends and relatives, including my very good friend and fellow forum member Leland Ray, in just the last year. Leland died a year ago yesterday and I still miss not being able to pick up the phone and hear whatever BS he had going on. I guess if anybody is going to come to my funeral it will have to be kids, grandkids, and maybe just a few of my younger friends. It's depressing, but at least I've made it this far. On a bright note, I've renewed a friendship with a girl I dated in high school. I went in the Navy right after high school and she married one of my neighbors while I was gone and stayed that way for 51 years until he passed away. We have a lot of mutual interests and talk every few days but that is how it will stay. I'm not going to break in another one. I'm sure if something happens to her I will feel the same way you do about your friend. I'm more than OK. I am blessed with my remaining friends, family, my little farm, hobbies, relatively decent health and my Savior Jesus Christ. Through him I am not scared of death.

 

[Rudi]

Good that you got to know her and cared for her. We need more people in our lives like that. I'm sure she remembered you.

 

[Old 44 Guy]

A touching story for sure. As we all age these stories become reality. Myself in my class there are about 10 of us left, as we can account for. Out of a class of 149. We graduated in 1949 so you can figure it out.

 

[jeffrefrig]

So sad. I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to see her again, even before her illness.

 

[tripledipper]

As we get older people we knew from the past come to mind and we google the name only to find out that they are no longer with us. They could have just been acquaintances, very good friends or something more to us but somehow we lost contact with them and it comes as a shock to find out that we are still here and they are not. The older we get the more often this happens. My late mother approaching 97 commented " why am I still here, there is no one else left". We are not in charge of when we leave this earth, only the man upstairs knows.

 

[PALADIN85020]

As we get older people we knew from the past come to mind and we google the name only to find out that they are no longer with us. They could have just been acquaintances, very good friends or something more to us but somehow we lost contact with them and it comes as a shock to find out that we are still here and they are not. The older we get the more often this happens. My late mother approaching 97 commented " why am I still here, there is no one else left". We are not in charge of when we leave this earth, only the man upstairs knows.

George Burns, when he was approaching 100, was asked what the best thing was about being so old.

His reply: "No peer pressure."

John

 

[ancient-one]

I had one girlfriend that I was pretty serious about until I met Dorothy. I had to break it off with her. I didn't handle it very good judging by the look on her face. I always wanted a chance to talk to her and maybe smooth things over so she didn't hate me, but she had moved, where I didn't know.
I finally found her on the computer just a few years ago on the Find A Grave site. She died when she was sixty six. She was really a nice girl. The guy that she married was a total horses behind and unless he changed, she did not have a good life.

 

[18DAI]

Condolences on your loss my friend. Prayers sent for the repose of her soul. Best regards, 18DAI