Assembly required?!?!

[walkin jack]

This was inspired by some of the responses to the thread "I'm uh lawger"

Apparently I'm not the only one with assembly issues so I'd like to pose this question to the members:

What is the worst thing you ever had to assemble. Note: In some cases multiple examples may be necessary. Bring 'em on.

I'll start:

.Once when my daughter was a toddler my parents bought her a swing set. They brought it over on a Saturday for her birthday party and later Dad and I planned to set it up for her.
The first problem we encountered was that TAB A just would not fit into SLOT B. It was too big. They didn't line up. A lot of the hardware was missing and we had to scrounge through my nuts and bolts to get it done. By that time the poor kid was already in bed asleep. She had really wanted to try it out but had to wait until the next day.

.When we bought this house 39 years ago my parents gave us a very nice and very expensive ceiling fan for the living room. He offered to help me hang it. We didn't think it would be a problem the box was already in the ceiling and all we had to do was to take the light fixture down and put the fan up.

But back then they didn't pre wire the fans like they do now. Wires of 8 or 10 different colors and many of each color. We almost got into a fist fight. We had to leave it with the light permanently on and only one speed for the fan motor. My BIL is an electrician and it took him less than 5 minutes to do it right.

.Miss Pam said she was going to order and under the bed dresser. I wasn't really paying attention and muttered something like yeah yeah what EVER.

When it came it came in 3 cartons the lightest one weighed nearly 100 lbs and they were all about 8' long. This thing was a monster and mostly made out of unfinished wood. so before I could assemble it I had to finish all the frame and drawer parts.

This was for a king size bed the frame and 12 small drawers for the sides and 4 long drawers to go from the foot to the headboard were all in total breakdown. No two pieces were put together.

Took me a couple of weeks to sand and stain and clear coat all that. And then assemble it, and it took up all the space in a 2-car garage for the whole time. It wasn't hard but it was time consuming and a pain in the neck.

. I saved the best for the last. Miss Pam announced she wanted a green house.

Okay. Fine. Not a problem.

She ordered a 10' X 12' model from Lowes. I had decided to put it on a wooden deck and it wasn't to be shipped for over a week. I built a nice 12' X 12' deck to leave a couple of feet on the long side facing the house to set pot plants etc. When the green house arrived it, like the underbed dresser, came in squillions of tiny parts and components......and it came in 9 cartons.

The first thing I read on the outside of one of the cartons should have sent me screaming for the nut house. But I didn't snap.

MADE IN CHINA Yep. it was bad. REALLY BAD.

Pulled out the instruction BOOK and it said that before beginning assembly we should check to verify that none of the parts or components were missing or damaged. Then it said that one person could have it done in a couple of hours with the possibility that it might take two people to get the roof panels in.

Ha Ha Haaaaaa!

It took us two days to go through all the parts many of which were missing, broken, or meant to go to something else. Took 2 weeks to get all that sorted out.

Then here we go again with that TAB A INTO SLOT B problem again.

The real night mare was that the frame work was grooved and you had to slide the poly carbon panels into the grooves. But they were all so pinched together the panels would fit. I had to spread every blessed one of them out with a large flat head screwdriver.

Some of the instructions were just not doable. It's like they were for some other project. I had to work AROUND the instructions on many parts.

Many many set backs and problems and some big ones and we had 'er done in only 7 weeks. And by the time we had it done all I could think was how very badly I wanted to hurt some one.

 

[Rustyt1953]

What is the worst thing you ever had to assemble?

A crew to help me move in winter.

 

[GKC]

When our kids were little and still believed in Santa Claus, it was my job to stay up all night assembling their toys, bikes, swings, and anything else that my wife bought that was "some assembly required." It got so bad that I forbade her to buy anything that wasn't already assembled, or that the store wouldn't put together after purchase, even for a fee.

But to answer your question, the worst ever was a giant swing set...it had multiple swings, a slide, a fort, and about a gazillion parts. I worked on that for several months...and invented a few new curse words, and beat the heck out of the ones I already knew. I finally gave up and hired a couple of guys to come finish it, and set the posts in concrete. The worst was, our kids didn't really play on it...video games had just come out then, and middle and youngest weren't interested in it, and the oldest was into girls. When we sold the house and moved a couple of years later, I included it with the deal.

 

[H Richard]

A child's doll house. When my daughter was about 6 or 7 we bought this wooden house in a box for Christmas, and my wife hands it to me 2 days before Christmas and says put it together so I can put it under the tree. When I opened the box I found out every porch rail was an individual piece, every clapboard was and individual piece, every door was an individual frame and door with the hardware separate, etc. Needless to say, it took me nearly 3 months working 2+ hours every night to glue every individual piece together, Then came the flooring, wallpaper, furniture, etc.

 

[Peak53]

Wow! I've had some experiences, but none as bad as above. My only advice? Build on site from your own plans. No "kits."

 

[Onomea]

Man, you guys got me beat. I won’t even try.

But H Richard, that doll house was not for a child. There is a hobby for adults, building those. My mom was into it. She even built all sorts of tiny furniture. I think it is like model building, like guys who like to build intricate ship models. Except the model is a house.

 

[rwsmith]

Exercise machine....

This is something that I would rather forget. My wife and I saved $200 bucks on assembly for an exercise machine. The instructions were so small and vague that it was VERY frustrating to put together.

Another was an entertainment center made of notched upright poles. This was more my fault for not taking my time, but it was like that trick where you try to turn three cups over to get them all pointing up.

I couldn't interpret instructions for 'Bionicles' (monster action figures) but my son could.

 

[arjay]

I had more talks with my wife and parents about this,but to know avail lol
"But you love to build things"
I build for a living,but not in my free time!

 

[carpriver]

I bought a garden shed, some assembly required. The site was leveled, gravel was spread and racked. I had the pillars in place. I picked up the building, it came on two pallets, two trips to the store. Everything was banded on the pallet go back to the store get a pair of wire cutters. I find the instructions, Need to go back to the store and buy 4X4s (not included) to set on the pillars. Squared the 4x4s measured across the corners perfect. The flooring was not square, 4x8 not so much, one end 8 ft the other 3ft 11 inches both sheets. Back to the store for 2 4x8 sheets of marine grade plywood, then studs were all just fine but when it came to the roof the suds were not the 2x4 used in the walls, and the sheeting was missing, and tar paper roofing and shingles were not included. Oh yea I nailed my thumb to the side of the building while putting on the walls. I did get a refund and got to keep the building. so much for a one day project.

 

[Rpg]

I have no example beyond setting up the TV, sound system and dvr and hooking it up to the satellite.

I spent 20 minutes fiddling and called my son who had it going in 5 minutes.

The reason I don’t have a better story is that I know my limitations: I don’t imagine I can do it or that it would be fun to try.

I know I can’t do it and know it would be no fun to try.

So I don’t do ‘some assembly required ‘.

 

[deadin]

Does anyone know what "SMT" (Surface Mount Technology) is??
(It has to do with electronics and electronic circuit boards)
I bought a "starter" kit....... After my first look at it, I gave it to a friend.
I expect our friendship may be strained.....

 

[Wee Hooker]

I'll never forget the year I waited till Christmas Eve to assemble a Rocking Horse for my 3 year old. It was one of those big, riding toys with a highly figured plastic horse suspended by 4 heavy springs on a metal frame. Very similar to the one I loved as a kid. Really a nice one! Problem being at 10:58PM, I found out that this particular horse was lame in one leg as it only came with 3 of the 4 springs As I recall, "Santa" was spitting out some phrases that would have made an elf blush!

 

[TX-Dennis]

The worst had to be my son's playset. When he was about two or three we bought one of those cedar playset kits with swings, climbing wall, slide, fort, etc. The instructions were pretty clear. All the parts fit together properly, but it took me two full days from sunup to sundown to assemble that sucker - we're talking fourteen hour days here.

One of these days I need to take it down since it's just an eyesore taking up space in the yard now.

When it came time for a garden shed I just bought one and had it delivered.

Easy as pie - except - the driver ran over a neighbor's vacuum breaker for his sprinkler system as he left. I didn't notice until he was long gone. I went in the alley to empty trash and noticed water everywhere. Of course, the neighbors were both at work, so I turned off their water at the meter. Found out the shutoff wasn't inside the meter case where it should have been. After digging around a bit I found it, shut it off, and went to Home Depot for a PVC cap to cap off the broken pipe. Had to call the place where I bought the shed and tell them they needed to pay to fix the neighbor's sprinkler system. They did without any complaints. The neighbors didn't seem unduly upset over it, either. All's well that ends well, I guess.

 

[Arm]

Well gezz, not complicated but, I just spent 2+ hours trying to assemble an office chair. Now over the years I've done a few....15 min tops...not this nightmare! Nothing lined up without modifications, to make a long story short, got it done but, the back support is crooked....Of course it's made in China, the prisoner(s) that made it did not know how to measure. When will the "Donald" get it so it's American made...PLEASE!

 

[Arik]

Had to do my share of assembling. My sister just moved and got all new furniture. I had to assemble it. It wasn't bad except now the instructions don't have words, just pictures...and those pictures absolutely S U C K!!!!! Small and very generic. Hard to tell if you have the drawer rails right side up, backwards or simply mixed. Of course I guessed wrong and in the end had to redo them in a now assembled stand with little room to get my hand and screwdriver in! Then there was the problem with the parts numbering. Instead of stickers they used stamps on the most narrow parts of the "wood". And of course those stamps weren't centered so it's a guess as to wether or not it's a 3 or an 8, 6 or 9, especially when it's the same size piece.

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

 

[jtcarm]

The worst had to be my son's playset. When he was about two or three we bought one of those cedar playset kits with swings, climbing wall, slide, fort, etc. The instructions were pretty clear. All the parts fit together properly, but it took me two full days from sunup to sundown to assemble that sucker - we're talking fourteen hour days here.

I hear ya, I did one of those too. But it was worth every second.

 

[soFlaNative]

I've yet to go near IKEA...

 

[the ringo kid]

You all THINK you had it rough-just try assembling one of those $20-something dollar made in china 4 tier plastic supposedly supporting 600 #s shelf systems that Home Depot sells (while supplies last) no tools needed (MY EYE)!! OK, comes with 12 posts-4 shelves, 4 floor caps? and 4 top shelf caps--dunno why? they don't help hold the damned thing together nor do they offer any kind of support.

Anyway, yeah--I did need a tool for the job--rather TWO tools. Shrade knife-and a pair of scissors. Yup--I had loads of plastic excess to remove in places that prevented pieces from fitting together properly. What SHOULD have been a 5 munite job took about an hour-and yep--wound up poking myself twice in the hand with the knife while trying to shave off two offending pieces of plastic!!! Needless to say-one of the "legs" wobbles a bit.

PS, a VERY inquisitive kitten climbing all over the parts batting loose pieces around-didn't help matters much-did give me some comedy tho. )