While I collected more than my share of speeding tickets as an idiotic youth, age has blessed me with a more rational decision-making process.
I was therefore extremely surprised to see the local constabulary behind me recently, requesting a roadside chat.
"Good evening sir," he stated politely, "do you know why I pulled you over?"
For likely the first time in my life, I did not. Cruise had been on, set for the speed limit.
"Well, to be perfectly honest, I clocked you going one mile over the limit, and that allowed me to pull you over."
At this point I was sure he was after some drunks, since it was close to midnight in a Friday. While the wife and I were coming back from our anniversary dinner, I don't drink.
He then shone his Maglite in the back seat and trunk area, and returned my ID.
"Here's the deal. We've got some diaper dumpers around here, and this road has been hit several times this week. The locals are not thrilled with finding and cleaning up these little gifts, and we're looking for the culprits."
I turned to my wife to see if this was some elaborate setup, and I'd just been had, but the shocked look on her face told me otherwise.
"You two don't look like my Diaper Dumpers, so drive safe and have a good night."
I proceeded home without incident, but did see one of the offending diapers adorning a wire fence the next day, about a mile from the location of the stop.