Fantastic Firearms Fables and Tall Tales from Townies.

[canoeguy]

In the 1990's, like 1995 or so, there was an older gentleman who worked at an indoor public range and gun store in Virginia Beach, Va. Kinda portly and looked like Mr. Mcgoo....

One day I was in the store when a customer asked to look at an AR-15 rifle. As the guy was inspecting the rifle, the clerk started spinning a yarn:

"I once downed a small aircraft with a rifle like that. I was a member of a band of Mercenaries, assigned to track and destroy drug planes in Columbia. We had staked out a jungle airstrip, we saw a Cessna 210 land and observed it being loaded with cocaine. When it took the runway and became airborne, we jumped out of the jungle and fired, filling the cockpit and engine with rifle fire. The plane crashed and burned at the end of the airstrip"....

Everyone in ear shot realized we had probably heard the most fantastic story of our lives.

 

[dave1918a2]

My old gun show Buddy and I did gun shows from 1978 to 2018. Listening to the know-it-alls telling their companions about a specific gun on Our table was entertaining to say the least. Even how they used that model to do something fantastic. In 40 years of that, I only once told an individual that He was so full of XXXX that He stunk.

 

[JohnHL]

Being in the motorcycle business for many years, I can't tell you how many old guys bragged about their "150 mph Harleys".

On the stolen valor front, one guy I worked with claimed he was "special forces" and had to go "up river" in Nam to "neutralize" a "rogue colonel"!

I told him to choose a less well known movie to plagiarize.

Another co-worker told me that when "he was in Nam", they had to be careful and not leave any M-16 ammo where the VC could find it, because they had a "sleeve" for their AK-47s that would allow them to shoot the M-16 ammo in their AK-47s.

John

 

[mikerjf]

Since bikes were mentioned I'll share a bike story. (Got nothing gun-related.)

At a Triumph dealer here, someone called in to complain his Tri was leaking oil. (Well duh, don't they all?) When asked where, he responds his bike has oil dripping from the headlight. The HEADLIGHT!

Brings it in and sure nuf, oil from the headlight. Blew a tach cable seal and it was pumping up the cable.

Sometimes the weird stuff actually happens!

 

[Dave_n]

I doubt anyone ever intentionally fired a round with C4 in it. But it was a practice to pull bullets from 5.56 or 7.62x39 rounds, remove most of the powder, and pack them with C4 before replacing the bullet. They'd then salt them in magazines that were left for VC or NVA troops to capture or recover. When fired the C4 loaded round would rapidly disassemble the rifle along with important parts of the shooter.

Even with a low probability that captured or recovered ammo had been tampered with, it did not inspire a great deal of confidence for the shooter.


—-

Your fiancé, she sounds like a keeper if you have the personality to hang with a force of nature like that.

Not C4 (which had not been invented at the time) but British Armourers in India (NW Frontier) would pull the 303 head, empty out the cordite and refill with dynamite. Then leave 303 rounds around...need I say more..Dave_n

 

[CajunBass]

Many years ago, when I tended to stay quiet around such things, I heard a gun shop employee, offering advice to his customers. The first jewel was to a woman he was showing a gun too;"If anyone "messes" (He used a more colorful word) with you, just point this at him and pull the trigger 'till it stops shooting." Even at my age and state of ignorance, I thought, "Define, "messes" with you?"

Then a few minutes later I hear the same character telling another customer "It's easy to do a trigger job on a Smith and Wesson. All you have to do is take out the screws and pry the sideplate off." It went downhill from there. (That was a lesson I had learned the hard way, when I did just that with the first Model 19 I ever bought. Don't do that.)

One other one, but this one was a little funnier. A fellow in a small shop run by a buddy of mine was telling everybody about his "Smith and Wesson, 257 magnum." My buddy chucked and said "You mean a 357 magnum." No, no, he insisted. A 257 magnum. My buddy said, "You better hold onto that one, because it's the only one they ever made." Guy stops, then says, "Maybe it is a 357 Magnum."

 

[Grayfox]

I've heard my fair share of tall tails and out right BS over the years. I usually just consider the source and blow 'em off.

I will tell one story on myself. 30, maybe 40 years ago, I was at the range. I hadn't been reloading long and had a whole bunch of new recipes that I wanted to test. Meaning I needed to concentrate and shoot my best to see how they performed.
There was this younger guy, early 20s, who kept asking me questions. Normally I'd be happy to help, but today just wasn't the day. He was getting on my nerves.
There was a guy on the other side of me shooting black power rifles at 25 yards. The kid asked me why he wasn't shooting them at longer ranges. I don't know why, I guess it was just to get rid of the kid, but I made some comment about "they aren't very accurate beyond that."
Well BP guy heard me and when the kid left he came over and gave me an ear full! I apologized because I knew I had it coming.
I still remember that incident to this day and have never blown off a young shooter's questions since. Lesson learned.

 

[Echo40]

My friend, his girl friend, my fiance at the time, and I were sitting at a diner having breakfast, My friend mentioned he liked his eggs hot, and often used a little OC spray to "heat them up". My fiance, bless her heart, pulls a small pepper spray can out of her purse, and sprays his eggs, smiles, and tells him to enjoy them. Pretty much went down hill from there....

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbqIrGXGfrc?t=31[/ame]

 

[BE Mike]

I know some things about guns and some things about aircraft. A couple of years ago I took my son-in-law to a very large gun show. We were looking at a display table and as my SIL asked questions, I tried to answer. After a little while the guy behind the table came over and said, "Listen to him! He knows what he's talking about!" Years ago, my youngest grandson (a teenager at the time) took a trip with me to the Wright Patterson Air Force Museum. We had a great time. His older brother couldn't go because of a prior commitment. After we got back, I overheard the younger one tell his older brother, "Papaw knows a lot about airplanes. He didn't even have to read the plaques!" Some of us do know some stuff!

 

[pawngal]

As a female behind the gun counter I've heard plenty. The most common are the guys that don't know the difference between single action and double action revolvers. Especially when they are talking about Heritage revolvers. I actually pulled up the Heritage website to prove to one guy that all Heritage were single action.

 

[richrd]

there are three kinds of stories here, the "tall tales", which are stories by us upper middle aged group. Mine are all based on at least some kernal of truth and are offered in fun.

Then there is the out right lie, offered by the totally ignorant, or someone who is desperate to impress.

W.Milton Farrow, one of the best rifle shots in the world in the late 1800's, wrote about a trip to the American West. He had heard about the buffalo hunters ability to make long shots and he wanted to set up a match.

The target was a creedmore pattern 4 feet wide and 6 feet high with an 8 inch bull at 200 yards.

he states in his book, "in many cases did the hunters and scouts astonish me with the ease and frequency with which they could miss not only the bull but the entire target"

So these stories are nothing new

 

[richrd]

then there was "dave" who I shot with and got him a job in the shop where I worked. After everyone was talking about his stories flying Cobras in Vam, I had to blow his cover. He spent his tour as a meat inspector in Thailand.

 

[TIMETRIPPER]

two stand out to me. At a gun show the dealer had a sign on a Ruger. It said Security Six, but the gun had fixed sights. I told him it was actually a Service Six. He got indignant and snapped at me. I turned the gun over and showed him the marking. He got madder and told me it WAS a Security Six. I didn't bother looking further at his table.
Then there was the OLD-timer at a gun show, and he was a cowboy when a bit younger. He showed me his very well worn Colt SAA in his holster (unloaded). Then he showed me how the action was set up special for shooting Rattle Snakes with a fast draw from his holster. I could not get it to work like he did. He told me he loaded the 45LC ammo with a very slow load. He said when he shot at a snake, it would always take the head off, as the snake could actually see the bullet coming and would bite at it, thus losing their heads. Now most times I would not believe this, but this did NOT seem to be the type to tell a tall tale and waste his breath. How about one of you in snake country try to prove him wrong or right, and let the rest of us know.

Wonder if they were hoop snakes.
Those Old Timers are the best story tellers. My pappy liked to tell a story of how he ruined his favorite hunting rifle. Took a shot at a deer that was so far away that it strained the barrel. Then there were his fishing tales....

John

 

[CajunBass]

I got a tall tale myself, that is gospel truth. Went on my first dove hunt with my uncle many years ago. I couldn't hit ground in front of me, but I watched him, stand, with a dove coming straight at him. His Parker 20 came up and the feathers flew as the dove started his last dive. Roy, lowered the gun, and without moving from his tracks, reached out and caught that dove, like a soft line drive, and put it in his hunting coat pocket, just like he did it all the time.

 

[mtgianni]

two stand out to me. At a gun show the dealer had a sign on a Ruger. It said Security Six, but the gun had fixed sights. I told him it was actually a Service Six. He got indignant and snapped at me. I turned the gun over and showed him the marking. He got madder and told me it WAS a Security Six. I didn't bother looking further at his table.
Then there was the OLD-timer at a gun show, and he was a cowboy when a bit younger. He showed me his very well worn Colt SAA in his holster (unloaded). Then he showed me how the action was set up special for shooting Rattle Snakes with a fast draw from his holster. I could not get it to work like he did. He told me he loaded the 45LC ammo with a very slow load. He said when he shot at a snake, it would always take the head off, as the snake could actually see the bullet coming and would bite at it, thus losing their heads. Now most times I would not believe this, but this did NOT seem to be the type to tell a tall tale and waste his breath. How about one of you in snake country try to prove him wrong or right, and let the rest of us know.

I had an old timer tell me that they are heat seekers so just point your 22 at it and they will bite at the bullet. I was 8 or 9 so call it 62 or 63. The old timer could have been 30 for all I knew.

 

[mtgianni]

there are three kinds of stories here, the "tall tales", which are stories by us upper middle aged group. Mine are all based on at least some kernal of truth and are offered in fun.

Then there is the out right lie, offered by the totally ignorant, or someone who is desperate to impress.

W.Milton Farrow, one of the best rifle shots in the world in the late 1800's, wrote about a trip to the American West. He had heard about the buffalo hunters ability to make long shots and he wanted to set up a match.

The target was a creedmore pattern 4 feet wide and 6 feet high with an 8 inch bull at 200 yards.

he states in his book, "in many cases did the hunters and scouts astonish me with the ease and frequency with which they could miss not only the bull but the entire target"

So these stories are nothing new

Dad talked about the old Danish immigrant he heard about 1930. "I have seen thousands and thousands of Yanuaries, more than that 500, but I have never seen a Yanuary as cold as this one".
I would classify it as a stretch of a common occurrence.

 

[BB57]

Heard lots of tall tales when folks talk
guns.

The one thing that cracks me up is when
a gun show passerby mentions his military service.
Regardless of service branch they were always some....

Ranger
Green Beret
Special Forces
Seal......etc....

No one ever states they were just a grunt
or drove a truck.

My wife and I are technical wreck and cave divers. We got to know each other on an on line technical diving forum and then decided to meet on a wreck dive about a year and a half later.

After the fact both of us admitted our priority was to assess the other's ability and actual skill level in the water, mostly to ensure they were not just talking big. When your life potentially rests in someone else's hands, you need to be sure that person isn't just lots of talk and or doesn't realistically self assess their own abilities. If either of us failed, there would not have been a second date.

We both passed our respective assessments of each other, and over the last 15 years we've been together we've advanced further to include mixed gas, sidemount closed circuit rebreather cave diving and cave DPV diving. I go into small, deep, silty passages where I would not go with any other diver on the planet because of the level of trust and knowledge we have in each other, our ability, and our mutual ability to know exactly how we will each react and respond to a situation.

That's the long intro to the sad but entertaining fact that we can walk into almost any watering hole from the mid Atlantic states to Key West, up around Florida and along the panhandle to Pensacola, and be confident that if the subject of diving comes up we'll almost certainly encounter someone who'll tell us they learned to dive in "SEAL school".

Apparently that whole section of the Atlantic and gulf coasts is awash in retired seals.

 

[BB57]

Being in the motorcycle business for many years, I can't tell you how many old guys bragged about their "150 mph Harleys".

On the stolen valor front, one guy I worked with claimed he was "special forces" and had to go "up river" in Nam to "neutralize" a "rogue colonel"!

I told him to choose a less well known movie to plagiarize.

Another co-worker told me that when "he was in Nam", they had to be careful and not leave any M-16 ammo where the VC could find it, because they had a "sleeve" for their AK-47s that would allow them to shoot the M-16 ammo in their AK-47s.

John

I spent 3 years in the USMCR and the PLC program while I was in college. However, since there was no reserve unit near by, they had me take Army ROTC. While there I had an O-3 in the cadre authoritatively explain how dumb the Soviets were in adopting the 5.45x39 as rifles chambered the 5.56x45 NATO cartridge could use ammo captured from the Soviets, but they would not be able to use ammo captured from us in their rifles.

I just sat there and nodded as I absorbed all that…wisdom. He clearly did not understand there was a lot more involved than the bore dimensions and case length. He clearly didn't understand that the slightly larger base and case body measurements for the 5.45x39 prevent it from fully chambering in a 5.56 NATO chamber.

Not surprisingly he is the same guy that told my platoon to turn in their bolt and bolt carrier assemblies during an over night on an FTX. He advised there was no need to mark them as they were all interchangeable. I nodded politely - and then after he to inform the other platoons in the company, I marked the last four of the serial numbers on each of the carriers with a sharpie as they were turned in. I handed them back by SN the following morning. Technically, they should have been interchangeable, when new, and assuming all the parts within specification when they were made. But the M16A1s we had were no where near new.

 

[Mike SC Hunter]

Mike, I agree about the early hollow underlug. I question the silver ball story. I do like Colts, especially the prewar ones.

Google Python"silver ball treatment". An Eye witness to it. More info coming when I get the book.

 

[cmansguns]

Just the facts Mam...just the facts!

I'm proud to admit that I was just an average, draftee, ordinary US Army "grunt". Official term for my MOS was 11Bravo20 aka, "light weapons infantry". No...I never drove a truck, but I did drive a M113, and once or twice a jeep...but most of the time I drove an m14, or a m79, with a 1911A1 on a web belt.

Now.........with that out of the way, and my credentials established I'll let you in on my military, gun related secret service. I did some TDY at a very special command sniper school held on a base in Germany. We used only 22 Long Rifle and the distances were from 500 meters out to 900 meters. Only open iron sights allowed. I got real good at it.

What....you don't believe it????

Attached certificate says it all!!!