first scare today

Crazy K38

Crazy K38

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Well it happened, yesterday i helped out a friend that was being abused by her husband, and let her stay with me and my family, well today he showed up unannounced and was demanding to see her. Well she went out there while I stayed at the window with my sw99. man I am so glad he didn't get out of the car and try to hurt her, I am soooo thankful I didn't have to draw but i am glad I had it. she is 5'4" and 110 lbs with rubber rain boots full of water, while he is 6'4" and 320 lbs, if something were to have happened I would have had no choice and it scared the hell out of me because i know he carries a double edge bootknife on his belt EVERYWHERE.
 
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It's sometimes good to be scared, but dial 911 going out the door and don't hang up.
 
I really hope she is seeking at least a protection order? It won't protect her but will help immensely if something goes wrong. And yes, 911 is mighty handy to have right off the bat along with that side arm.
 
Verify she has a R/O on the goof and what it stipulates as to minimum distance. If none, or she refuses to get one get her the Hell out of your house!
JOMO?
 
Don't intervene in other people's domestic problems and problems like that won't follow you home. No good ever comes of it. It's a matter for people to either sort out themselves or for the police and courts - who also don't always like dealing with such, since it usually turns nasty.
 
A friend of mine (we'll call her Jane for the story.. all names made up) had a situation involving domestic abuse and guns.

Jane's friend Mary called one night, I guess things were getting really rough with her husband. Jane had her husband Ted go over to pick up Mary. He knocked on the front door and was greeted by Mary's husband Joe. I guess Mary went to leave with Ted and Joe got all mad and upset. He left the room and quickly returned with some sort of semi auto handgun. Joe somehow dropped the gun as he was walking toward Ted to threaten him. Luckily Mary grabbed her KID (who was in the room the whole time) and left safely with Ted.

Domestic situations can get very ugly. IF you MUST get involved, be very cautious.
 
well she is seeking a R/O and she is here until she can get a place and I did have he phone the whole time with someone to dial for me, but I can't turn a blind eye to those in need of help, whether I get burned or not, I just have that belief and hold true to it. I really appreciate all of the advice and love hearing your inputs on the situation it helps me out with a lot of things and especially this
 
Gator Farmer could not be more correct. Intervening in other people's domestic grief will bring you no good.

You would be amazed how many times "good guys" have done the right thing, gone to "Condition Black" justifiably, shot the bad guy only to hear the "damsel-in-distress" screaming "You SOB, you shot my husband". It quickly goes down hill from there!

Nayth
 
well I din't go get her or anything, she showed up on my doorstep as a last resort, and it was send her back there or help her because the nearest shelter is 2 hours away and she has no car now and would have lost her job and those are hard to find, I didn't really ask for it, but I am glad she used me as a last resort
 
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I quit doing family law many years ago, but I used to do quite a few divorces. I've never seen anyone made safer by a TRO, except someone like the original poster here. The paper trail really can help the helper, once the wheels come all the way off.

Our own Erich was appointed once to represent the defendant on appeal in a case wherein the defendant was helping a woman in circumstances quite similar to yours. Scumbag significant other shows up, and good samaritan has to shoot him. Young, politically motivated, not-so-bright DA, with the help of a trial judge that let lots of things happen that shouldn't have and a defense lawyer at trial who may not have done the best job (NOT Erich!), resulted in a conviction for murder. I don't recall the result on appeal, but my recollection is that Erich was not left with much with which to work on appeal.

No good deed goes unpunished, especially in domestic dispute cases.
 
If her husband needs to talk to her then it ought to be on the phone. He needs to know that he needs to stay off your property. If he comes there, she needs to NOT (!!!!!!) go outside!!!!!! It may put you legally and definately tactically in a much less tenable position IMO. If he has to break through a locked door to get to her, then that creates evidence of his aggression and it will make self defense on your part quite evident.
 
flop-shank said:
If her husband needs to talk to her then it ought to be on the phone. He needs to know that he needs to stay off your property. If he comes there, she needs to NOT (!!!!!!) go outside!!!!!! It may put you legally and definately tactically in a much less tenable position IMO. If he has to break through a locked door to get to her, then that creates evidence of his aggression and it will make self defense on your part quite evident.
Click to expand...

That's what I was thinking. For heaven's sake, if you have any children, you need to get this problem moved to another location quickly. You are a good man to try to help this woman, but you really are putting yourself in a terrible position. If she is going to work, you cannot possibly protect her all the time. If she really is concerned for her safety, she should begin taking steps to protect herself ASAP.
 
I am really beginning to think the same, she just ran off with him to talk so she has pretty much tied my hands and I can't help someone that won't help themselves, when he came to pick her up he threw the door open and acted like he was gonna get out but she was telling him don't repetedly so he got back in, and I can't have this around my kids. I think I have gone above and beyond the call of duty and either she stops communicating with him and he stays away or she stays away, because he is going to end up shot if he tries to do anything stupid and I don't want to have to shoot him, I am not an executioner but my family and myself come first
 
Crazy K38 said:
I am really beginning to think the same, she just ran off with him to talk so she has pretty much tied my hands and I can't help someone that won't help themselves, when he came to pick her up he threw the door open and acted like he was gonna get out but she was telling him don't repetedly so he got back in, and I can't have this around my kids. I think I have gone above and beyond the call of duty and either she stops communicating with him and he stays away or she stays away, because he is going to end up shot if he tries to do anything stupid and I don't want to have to shoot him, I am not an executioner but my family and myself come first
Click to expand...

I think you are starting to think more clearly now, CK38. Your willingness to help a friend in need is admirable and even rare these days. I respect you for that. That said, you have to place the safety of your family and yourself at the forefront. It sounds like this woman has just proven by taking off with the guy that she is at least 50% of the problem. That's a 50% you don't need in your home with you family. IMO, it's time to send her down the road. Sounds like, as an adult, she needs to start making some adult decisions.

Good luck with everything.
 
well I know this guy well he was my tattooing mentor, and he is VERY violent, and he did me very very wrong, and this situation is seems to be turning into the abused wife runs back to the abusive husband senario and I am gonna tell her if she does don't come back because I can't be associated with him or anyone affiliated with him, and I can't risk murder charges for someone too stupid to help themselves, I watched my mom do it and had to save her life 3 times before the age of 10 because she was stupid, I'm not doing it again....
 
Damsels in distress only run to guy's that they have an interest in. It's biology or somesuch. Keep that in mind in case things keep getting more complicated.
 
K38, give your friend this phone number: 1-800-799-SAFE. She needs counselling on breaking the cycle and getting her kids and herself to a safe place. She doesn't need to wait for a full-blown crisis to call them.

http://www.ndvh.org/
 
K38,

First, you took the correct course of action in helping someone in need. However, do pay prompt attention to the sage advice posted by Flop-Shank, Gator Farmer, Barb C, M29, cshoff, and others. This situation must be resolved by the involved parties (that now includes the court and LE) and you need to distance yourself.

That said, remember YOU did do what was right. Stand tall.

Be safe.
 
you guys are giving me great advice and I am doing an update, she has done VERY well, she now had NO CONTACT with him, and he WILL not be here again without an arrest. she is now shopping for a home, and is seeing the light. I guess I got lucky and got a smart one.
 
Sounds good, but don't get complacent and she should never let down her guard. The transitional time is the most dangerous. With these violent types, it takes a good year or so, plus their transfer of obsession to another woman, for them to "get over" what they perceive as abandonment. And even then, they never completely let go.
 
I registered specifically to reply to this thread, although I will post some other questions.

If domestic disputes are the most dangerous call for a LEO, why do you think you are qualified to deal with this? I have done the same thing as you, so I know where you are coming from. Your primary responsibilty is your family and your self.

My wife and I realized this about 10 years ago and now have a policy that I do not take people into my house. I will pay for 1 week at a motel and then they can figure out what to do. This goes for family and friends. If you let someone into your house for whatever reason, you may end up having to go to court to have them evicted. That takes time. If you get in an altercation with them, the cops may have you leave for the night if she has kids and says you have been in a relationship. Next time pay for a week and let that be your help.

If someone stays at my house, it is because I invited them, not because they are in trouble. After the hurricane, I did not invite anyone to stay at my house. There were shelters a plenty.

Is she is unwilling to leave the area to go to a shelter, she is not too concerned about her safety. Time to shout now... HOW DARE SHE BRING THIS DANGER AND POTENTIAL FOR VIOLENCE TO YOUR HOUSE. Shouting off. If she was that concerned about the situation, she would have called the police. If she wants the situation to get better, she will have to take action, not depend on you to take action. In my practice I have found that people that are unwilling to take action themselves to change their situation do not want their situation to change that bad. There is security in the relationship, even if it is abusive. Do not let yourself be sucked in.

Hope she gets it staightened out.

Ron
 
Her being in his physical presence is so wrong in so many ways, it's hard to list them all. Let's hit the high points:

1. Once she gets into that close proximity to him, it didn't matter if you had a handgun or a 40mm Bofors, you're not going to be able to do anything before he shoots her. An ounce of prevention is worth 10,000,000 pounds of retribution.

2. Going out to see him can be spun in hundreds of ways, none of them beneficial to her, or to you if you have to use force.

3. Having direct contact with him encourages him to believe that he can have an ongoing relationship with her.

4. If she has a restraining order against him, that negates it. If she doesn't have a restraining order, why not???
 
priusron makes good points. If you want to help, offer to pay for a motel room. That way you are offering assistance, but not putting yourself or your family in danger. People in these situations are very unpredictable, both the victim and abuser. It's also hard to tell sometimes who is the "bad guy" in a situation. If I had a dollar for everytime a victim of domestic violence later goes back to the abuser I wouldn't need to work anymore.

Let's say you see the husband begin to assault the wife and intervene. He comes at you and you end up shooting him to protect yourself. Husband survives, or not, and wife turns on you. She tells the police that she and husband were just talking and you overreacted. She says her husband didn't threaten you at all. Maybe she even claims that she always suspected you had a thing for her or that you made unwelcome advances before shooting her husband. All the sudden you are looking at a murder charge. You can have the best motives and do everything the law requires and still be in a world of hurt. My point is this, are you willing to put your life on the line for this person?
 
NAYTH said:
Gator Farmer could not be more correct. Intervening in other people's domestic grief will bring you no good.

You would be amazed how many times "good guys" have done the right thing, gone to "Condition Black" justifiably, shot the bad guy only to hear the "damsel-in-distress" screaming "You SOB, you shot my husband". It quickly goes down hill from there!

Nayth
Click to expand...


+1000.A friend,who is a policeman,told me that the worst cases he went out on were domestic cases.
 
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