ancient-one
US Veteran
What is the one most ridiculous excuse that you have heard from someone who was without a doubt breaking the law?
For those in law Enforcement, Active or Retired
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Obtained a warrant for a young lady, after she pawned a firearm. Problem was she was a convicted felon.
When we located her and took her into custody, she wanted to know why, told her she had pawned a rifle, and she wanted to know what was wrong with that, I told her that she had a felony conviction and she stated "Aw sh@@, I forgot I was a felon!".
When we located her and took her into custody, she wanted to know why, told her she had pawned a rifle, and she wanted to know what was wrong with that, I told her that she had a felony conviction and she stated "Aw sh@@, I forgot I was a felon!".
"How come the hospital called you? I told them I shot myself, carnal. They got no right!"
mckenney99
Member
I passed an occupied vehicle stopped on the berm of the road, made a U-turn and pulled in behind the van, walked up on the drivers side and the occupant was so engrossed in rolling the absolute perfect joint that he never saw me until I tapped on the window. He had the perfect Hollywood double take and he then tried to hide the gallon ziplock baggie of grass in the glove box with me standing right at his left shoulder.
Problem was, when he opened the glove box to hide his grass, there was a S&W Auto in plain view (long before OH had CCW permits). After taking him slowly out of the car (everything he did was in slow motion) and getting him handcuffed, he was ID'd and a criminal records check was run. Subject had numerous felony convictions but none for anything violent, he even had a valid drivers license. Subject claimed none of his attorneys and none of the judges had ever told him he wasn't allowed to have firearms despite his many felony convictions. Subject claimed he used the pistol, a S&W 1006, at his job at a local slaughterhouse on livestock that got out of control on them.
Guy turned out to be a funny guy and obviously not to bright but I wound up citing him for the grass possession and releasing him to his boss, so he didn't lose his job. Took his case directly to the Grand Jury the following week, got the indictment, served him and he made every one of his court appearances. He wound up pleading to all charges and got probation on the Felony. Throughout the whole thing his boss said he never missed a day of work and was one of his most reliable employees he had. You just never know. The pistol was forfeited to the Division and due to Division policy it had to be submitted to the crime lab for destruction.
Problem was, when he opened the glove box to hide his grass, there was a S&W Auto in plain view (long before OH had CCW permits). After taking him slowly out of the car (everything he did was in slow motion) and getting him handcuffed, he was ID'd and a criminal records check was run. Subject had numerous felony convictions but none for anything violent, he even had a valid drivers license. Subject claimed none of his attorneys and none of the judges had ever told him he wasn't allowed to have firearms despite his many felony convictions. Subject claimed he used the pistol, a S&W 1006, at his job at a local slaughterhouse on livestock that got out of control on them.
Guy turned out to be a funny guy and obviously not to bright but I wound up citing him for the grass possession and releasing him to his boss, so he didn't lose his job. Took his case directly to the Grand Jury the following week, got the indictment, served him and he made every one of his court appearances. He wound up pleading to all charges and got probation on the Felony. Throughout the whole thing his boss said he never missed a day of work and was one of his most reliable employees he had. You just never know. The pistol was forfeited to the Division and due to Division policy it had to be submitted to the crime lab for destruction.
Actually this excuse is surprisingly popular.
Yep, pants, backpack, purse...
Driving on suspended license defense: "It's against the law to drive on a public highway with a suspended license. I wasn't on the highway. There was no contact between the seat I was sitting in or the body or frame of the vehicle and the highway because there was air in the tires suspending me above the highway." Spoken in desperation when it became apparent the judge wasn't buying any of the usual "Sovereign Citizen" arguments.
LoboGunLeather
US Veteran
Radar indicated 62 MPH in a 30 MPH residential area. Driver, a teacher and assistant principal, explained that she was almost out of gas so she needed to get to the gas station as fast as she could before running out.
Radar indicated 56 MPH in a 20 MPH school zone, violator passing several stopped school buses loading children at the end of the day. Driver explained that she didn't want to be late picking up her children at the school.
Radar indicated 47 MPH in a 30 MPH residential area. Driver, wife of a local defense attorney, said her husband would kill her if she got another speeding ticket, started unbuttoning her blouse and asked if we could work something out. The tape recording was later entered in evidence twice, once at traffic court and later at a deposition for the divorce action.
Prime suspect in a forgery/fraud case gave a long and drawn out version of events. I listened patiently, then pointed out all the inconsistencies between his story and the statements of several others, told him I didn't believe him so he needed to come up with another story to tell. He proceeded to give another completely different version of events, with a straight face. Bingo! Probable cause plus two different stories equals conviction in court, no need to prove which version was true or which was a lie, the only possible conclusion is that he was a liar. No reasonable doubt at that point.
Too many more to remember right now.
Radar indicated 56 MPH in a 20 MPH school zone, violator passing several stopped school buses loading children at the end of the day. Driver explained that she didn't want to be late picking up her children at the school.
Radar indicated 47 MPH in a 30 MPH residential area. Driver, wife of a local defense attorney, said her husband would kill her if she got another speeding ticket, started unbuttoning her blouse and asked if we could work something out. The tape recording was later entered in evidence twice, once at traffic court and later at a deposition for the divorce action.
Prime suspect in a forgery/fraud case gave a long and drawn out version of events. I listened patiently, then pointed out all the inconsistencies between his story and the statements of several others, told him I didn't believe him so he needed to come up with another story to tell. He proceeded to give another completely different version of events, with a straight face. Bingo! Probable cause plus two different stories equals conviction in court, no need to prove which version was true or which was a lie, the only possible conclusion is that he was a liar. No reasonable doubt at that point.
Too many more to remember right now.
The best one I can think of right now is a fellow officer stopped a guy that had been huffing silver spray paint. When the officer asked what was on his face he replied "Lip stick, silver lip stick!"
A state trooper brought in a prisoner to the county jail about 45 years ago. I was on duty as the jailer and as I was patting him down, I slid down his socks. One of the socks made a crinkling noise and I reached into the sock and pulled out a joint. When I tossed it up on the counter, the prisoner asked, "Where did that come from?"
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Stopped a guy for speeding,10 over the limit.
I asked him what was the hurry?
He said "His wife was going to get pregnant tonight, and he kinda wanted to be there!"
I gave him a warning for originality.
I asked him what was the hurry?
He said "His wife was going to get pregnant tonight, and he kinda wanted to be there!"
I gave him a warning for originality.
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Actually had the "these aren't my pants" taken to trial once.
Had the traffic stop with the unbuttoned shirt, which I pointed out to the young lady because she seemed unaware her shirt had malfunctioned. Did this as I showed her where to sign her ticket.
My favorite, that I recall, was once I was working off duty and located some murder suspects from the night prior. Managed to get 3 out of 4 rounded up because they were to dumb to split up when they saw me.
Couple weeks later Detectives had me bring one of the young men from jail to HQ for an interview. Attorney couldn't be there but his assistant met with guy. Of course the Det. afforded them privacy to speak.
When all done I pick guy up to take back to Jail and pat him down. He had a Doo Rag on and my guard was down since he met with attorney.
Get to pat down room and CO pops that Doo Rag off and broken up cigarettes and tobacco flies everywhere. I look at the kid and say "Really"?
He responds "I'm a criminal. What do you expect".
I could only laugh.
Had the traffic stop with the unbuttoned shirt, which I pointed out to the young lady because she seemed unaware her shirt had malfunctioned. Did this as I showed her where to sign her ticket.
My favorite, that I recall, was once I was working off duty and located some murder suspects from the night prior. Managed to get 3 out of 4 rounded up because they were to dumb to split up when they saw me.
Couple weeks later Detectives had me bring one of the young men from jail to HQ for an interview. Attorney couldn't be there but his assistant met with guy. Of course the Det. afforded them privacy to speak.
When all done I pick guy up to take back to Jail and pat him down. He had a Doo Rag on and my guard was down since he met with attorney.
Get to pat down room and CO pops that Doo Rag off and broken up cigarettes and tobacco flies everywhere. I look at the kid and say "Really"?
He responds "I'm a criminal. What do you expect".
I could only laugh.
Ole Joe Clark
Absent Comrade
These old sweat pants I have on must be someone else's, they keep trying to fall down. I remember now, they belong to the fat old guy I used to be. 
Have a blessed day,
Leon
Have a blessed day,
Leon
Many years ago, I stopped a Low-rider in the D.T.B.A. Kid was so impaired he could not get out of the car. When I asked him what the Hell was going on, he responded "man it's Friday night and I wanted to get a "load on." He did a Hell of a job of it.
Low-rider went to jail and his ride ended up in the impound lot.
Low-rider went to jail and his ride ended up in the impound lot.
"You cain't do this! You blankedy-blank-blank-blank! I'm gonna call my mama! She knows the Commissioner!" said the 41 year-old child-molester, kicking and screaming.
And she did.
,
And she did.
,
Most ridiculous excuse I ever heard.
Arrested a man for a sexual assault. He engaged a very high priced attorney, and a plea (guilty with an explanation) was heard in open court.
The attorney stated 'my client had been having problems with his equilibrium and saw an otolaryngologist (ear, nose, and throat doctor) who administered ear drops which impaired my client's judgement. He thereupon committed the acts specified in the complaint.'
This is an absolutely true story.
Be safe.
Arrested a man for a sexual assault. He engaged a very high priced attorney, and a plea (guilty with an explanation) was heard in open court.
The attorney stated 'my client had been having problems with his equilibrium and saw an otolaryngologist (ear, nose, and throat doctor) who administered ear drops which impaired my client's judgement. He thereupon committed the acts specified in the complaint.'
This is an absolutely true story.
Be safe.
"These aren't my pants" was the first thing that came to mind... apparently, that's quite a popular excuse.
Not really an excuse, but one of my favorite dumb perp memories:
Arrested an 18 year old kid for murder, and while I'm putting him in the car, he asks, "how long is this gonna take?"
I replied, "You're under arrest for murder. This could take the rest of your life..."
Not really an excuse, but one of my favorite dumb perp memories:
Arrested an 18 year old kid for murder, and while I'm putting him in the car, he asks, "how long is this gonna take?"
I replied, "You're under arrest for murder. This could take the rest of your life..."
