I wrote this 16 years ago. Back then this was how we did our thing at Christmas time. Things are a lot different today though due to some decline in our health and economic status and the advance in shopping online.
Now a days Pam does most of it on line but I am still under the gun for one day a year. Not so much fun because I'm on my own as apposed to the way it was when I wrote this up originally.
Not sure if I've posted this in here before but even if I have it has been 2 or more years so perhaps some have missed it.
H O L I D A Y T R A D I T I O N S
A N D O B S E R V A T I O N S
I hate shopping. Generally, the only shopping I truly
enjoy is when I go to Academy. But, like millions of
other American fathers, grandfathers, sons, and
brothers, one day a year, usually less than a week
before Christmas, I bite the bullet and spend one
whole day on nothing but Christmas shopping. I have
developed a way to face this annual event with a
modicum of patience and grace, as we must for all
things inevitable and, in keeping with the spirit of
the season, I just felt like sharing. This is how we
do it at the Moncrief house.
I try to get up a few minutes ahead of Pam. I slip
quietly off into a dark closet and spend about 10
minutes in the "lotus" position. This is to prepare
myself emotionally for the day and it is vital that
you do something to get your mind right before you
embark upon such an arduous task. Only the biggest
kind of fool would attempt a day such as I faced today
without some form of mental preparation.
After Pam and I are both up and showered and ready to
go, we head to Kelly's for a big breakfast. This is
equally as important as the mental preparation. You do
NOT want to start this day with a hollow belly and low
blood sugar... you'll never make it if you do. We
discuss our respective itineraries and go over once
again just what it is that I am supposed to
accomplish. I like to draw this time out as long as I
can because when we leave here we won't see each other
again all day and besides she absolutely loves this
day and her face is a joy to behold as I watch the
excitement dance in her sparkling blue eyes while we
make our plans over breakfast. Eventually, the steak
and eggs and hash browns and toast have done their job
and I have filled in the last remaining cracks with
the last of the coffee and it's time to get this party
started. We walk out to our cars and I kiss her good
by and then I get into the old Ranger and it's too
late to turn back now...once more, into the battle.
I have 3 stops planned and my strategy is to get the
worst one out of the way first. That would have to be
Wal-Mart. Got my game face on now, boy, and I'm fully
into it. I thought about a picture I once saw of a guy
in combat "make-up" (like war paint on his face) but
Pam thought that would have been a bit extreme and
besides, all my camo is at the cleaners just now.
Anyway, I find that even though the place is packed,
people are making an effort to be nice to each other.
Who am I to rock the boat...I'm smiling and saying
"pardon me", "excuse me", "that's ok, go right ahead",
and guess what?!? It actually works. After 3 hours,
I'm finally ready to make my way to the check outs. My
face is now frozen in a rictus smile, I have numerous
sore places on my head and body, received in the toy
department by flying basket balls, and hard plastic
objects too numerous to name. Had my head down and
mostly so I didn't see "em all...just those coming
straight for my face. And, bad news for my long term
chances of making the day...my feet have already
started to hurt. Like Dan Pastorini (former Houston
Oiler quarter back) once said after playing, while
suffering from multiple injuries suffered in previous
games..."Ya gotta learn how tho play with pain".
Now I'm battered from the toy department, what's left
of my hearing destroyed while in electronics and just
a few of my edges are beginning to frazzle. Ahaaa! The
next two stops will be pleasant. After the Wal-Mart
ordeal, I head directly to Academy. In and out,
sigh...now THAT was ok.
Next it's' time for a little break before I head into
the last leg of the "gauntlet". Right about here I
start to feel a little rumbling in my tummy and it's
too early for dinner so I stop off at a Dairy Queen
and have a Dilly Bar and a mega coffee. that gives my
tummy a little something to do and takes a little of
the edge off the cold rainy day. All too soon the
Dilly Bar is down to the stick and the coffee's gone.
Time to hit the trenches.
THE MALL - Wow! every year I learn some valuable
lessons about humanity, just by sitting on one of the
benches in one of the main "concourses" and just
watching the parade. A couple of things I noticed:
Almost everyone is carrying a cell phone...and talking
on it while they walk along. Amazing! Hundreds of
people, walking this way and that, bumping into each
other, and talking. Not talking to each other but to
whoever is on the other end of their cellular
phone...far out! Also, I remember that all the heavy,
expensive, gaudy gold jewelry...around the necks and
in the ears used to be worn by the blue haired old
rich ladies as they drove around in their big Lincolns
and Mercedes. Things have changed a bit here. Now all
the heavy, expensive, gawky gold jewelry is worn
around the necks and in the ears, lips, tongues,
noses, eyelids, and other more intimate, less
mentionable places, no doubt, of roving bands of young
people, both male and female, although it's often
difficult to distinguish which is which, who do
unspeakable things to their hair and wear baggy
clothes. And I also notice that most of the people in
the mall are YOUNGER that me. When did THAT happen?!?
Those that I see as I look around, that are older than
me, don't offer me a lot of hope. Worn out people with
wrinkled faces and sad eyes...WELL, enough of that!!!
Anyway, one of my traditional stops here is Morrow's
Nut House. They have lots of goodies and I always like
to include a few thing from here in the stockings for
Christmas Morning. I was just about to tell the guy
behind the counter what I wanted when I felt a hand on
my shoulder. I turned around and dern my hide of it
wasn't Miss Pam smiling at me! "I thought you were gonna
START here", I sain. "I did", she said. She had been
in the mall since this morning and it was now 3:00 Pm.
I felt a little twinge at the thought of her in one
mall, AAALLLLL those hours. I was kinda hopin' that
most of her time would be spent sitting traffic. But I
should have known she's WAY too smart for that . We
sit and talk a bit and then we split up again and head
out to finish up and get back home as soon as we can
and in one piece, the good Lord willin'.
I finished up and, being on my own for dinner, decided
to go to my favorite Chinese food restaurant. Pam
doesn't like Chinese food as much as I do so this was
a good chance for me to get it on with some good
Chinese food. During the meal, I notice that the
waitress taking care of the tables in my section is
catching some grief from a table occupied by several
"tuff-guy" types.
Poor thing is nearly in tears. I
just hate to see a scene like this! These girls work
long, hard hours and don't make much better than
starvation wages. I heard and I believe that they all
live together when they come in from China. They
aren't "free" as we understand the word and their
future is uncertain.
This pretty, young girl is just
about to lose it. She speaks no English and it's hard
enough to make it when you understand the lingo. These
bullies were out of line. They weren't really hurting
her, they were just playing, in their rude and rough
way. If they tried that kind of behavior with a
seasoned truck stop waitress they would have been sent
out of there with their behinds on fire. But my brave
little waitress held her head up and did the best she
could, the tears in her eyes not withstanding. I tried
to engage her in conversation but she could only smile
through those tears trying to form in here eyes.
When I left, I laid a 10 spot on the table and walked out
the door in hopes that would brighten her day some and
demonstrate that all guy aren't jerks. I was a bit
distracted by the scene that had just unfolded around
me and I left my glasses on the table. Just as I
stepped out into the cold rain, I felt myself being
spun around. Here was my waitress, holding my glasses,
tears in full flow, thanking me and kissing me wetly
on the cheek. It was only $10.00, for Pete's sake! It
was enough, however, to make this young ladies day.
Now I'm safely home from the wars and no permanent
damage was done. Funny, but for the last few years,
this day has actually helped me catch that Christmas
feeling. Life IS good and people ARE worth caring
about.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all. May
next year be good for fishing and good friendships,
peace, joy, and good health...W. J.
Now a days Pam does most of it on line but I am still under the gun for one day a year. Not so much fun because I'm on my own as apposed to the way it was when I wrote this up originally.
Not sure if I've posted this in here before but even if I have it has been 2 or more years so perhaps some have missed it.
H O L I D A Y T R A D I T I O N S
A N D O B S E R V A T I O N S
I hate shopping. Generally, the only shopping I truly
enjoy is when I go to Academy. But, like millions of
other American fathers, grandfathers, sons, and
brothers, one day a year, usually less than a week
before Christmas, I bite the bullet and spend one
whole day on nothing but Christmas shopping. I have
developed a way to face this annual event with a
modicum of patience and grace, as we must for all
things inevitable and, in keeping with the spirit of
the season, I just felt like sharing. This is how we
do it at the Moncrief house.
I try to get up a few minutes ahead of Pam. I slip
quietly off into a dark closet and spend about 10
minutes in the "lotus" position. This is to prepare
myself emotionally for the day and it is vital that
you do something to get your mind right before you
embark upon such an arduous task. Only the biggest
kind of fool would attempt a day such as I faced today
without some form of mental preparation.
After Pam and I are both up and showered and ready to
go, we head to Kelly's for a big breakfast. This is
equally as important as the mental preparation. You do
NOT want to start this day with a hollow belly and low
blood sugar... you'll never make it if you do. We
discuss our respective itineraries and go over once
again just what it is that I am supposed to
accomplish. I like to draw this time out as long as I
can because when we leave here we won't see each other
again all day and besides she absolutely loves this
day and her face is a joy to behold as I watch the
excitement dance in her sparkling blue eyes while we
make our plans over breakfast. Eventually, the steak
and eggs and hash browns and toast have done their job
and I have filled in the last remaining cracks with
the last of the coffee and it's time to get this party
started. We walk out to our cars and I kiss her good
by and then I get into the old Ranger and it's too
late to turn back now...once more, into the battle.
I have 3 stops planned and my strategy is to get the
worst one out of the way first. That would have to be
Wal-Mart. Got my game face on now, boy, and I'm fully
into it. I thought about a picture I once saw of a guy
in combat "make-up" (like war paint on his face) but
Pam thought that would have been a bit extreme and
besides, all my camo is at the cleaners just now.
Anyway, I find that even though the place is packed,
people are making an effort to be nice to each other.
Who am I to rock the boat...I'm smiling and saying
"pardon me", "excuse me", "that's ok, go right ahead",
and guess what?!? It actually works. After 3 hours,
I'm finally ready to make my way to the check outs. My
face is now frozen in a rictus smile, I have numerous
sore places on my head and body, received in the toy
department by flying basket balls, and hard plastic
objects too numerous to name. Had my head down and
mostly so I didn't see "em all...just those coming
straight for my face. And, bad news for my long term
chances of making the day...my feet have already
started to hurt. Like Dan Pastorini (former Houston
Oiler quarter back) once said after playing, while
suffering from multiple injuries suffered in previous
games..."Ya gotta learn how tho play with pain".
Now I'm battered from the toy department, what's left
of my hearing destroyed while in electronics and just
a few of my edges are beginning to frazzle. Ahaaa! The
next two stops will be pleasant. After the Wal-Mart
ordeal, I head directly to Academy. In and out,
sigh...now THAT was ok.
Next it's' time for a little break before I head into
the last leg of the "gauntlet". Right about here I
start to feel a little rumbling in my tummy and it's
too early for dinner so I stop off at a Dairy Queen
and have a Dilly Bar and a mega coffee. that gives my
tummy a little something to do and takes a little of
the edge off the cold rainy day. All too soon the
Dilly Bar is down to the stick and the coffee's gone.
Time to hit the trenches.
THE MALL - Wow! every year I learn some valuable
lessons about humanity, just by sitting on one of the
benches in one of the main "concourses" and just
watching the parade. A couple of things I noticed:
Almost everyone is carrying a cell phone...and talking
on it while they walk along. Amazing! Hundreds of
people, walking this way and that, bumping into each
other, and talking. Not talking to each other but to
whoever is on the other end of their cellular
phone...far out! Also, I remember that all the heavy,
expensive, gaudy gold jewelry...around the necks and
in the ears used to be worn by the blue haired old
rich ladies as they drove around in their big Lincolns
and Mercedes. Things have changed a bit here. Now all
the heavy, expensive, gawky gold jewelry is worn
around the necks and in the ears, lips, tongues,
noses, eyelids, and other more intimate, less
mentionable places, no doubt, of roving bands of young
people, both male and female, although it's often
difficult to distinguish which is which, who do
unspeakable things to their hair and wear baggy
clothes. And I also notice that most of the people in
the mall are YOUNGER that me. When did THAT happen?!?
Those that I see as I look around, that are older than
me, don't offer me a lot of hope. Worn out people with
wrinkled faces and sad eyes...WELL, enough of that!!!
Anyway, one of my traditional stops here is Morrow's
Nut House. They have lots of goodies and I always like
to include a few thing from here in the stockings for
Christmas Morning. I was just about to tell the guy
behind the counter what I wanted when I felt a hand on
my shoulder. I turned around and dern my hide of it
wasn't Miss Pam smiling at me! "I thought you were gonna
START here", I sain. "I did", she said. She had been
in the mall since this morning and it was now 3:00 Pm.
I felt a little twinge at the thought of her in one
mall, AAALLLLL those hours. I was kinda hopin' that
most of her time would be spent sitting traffic. But I
should have known she's WAY too smart for that . We
sit and talk a bit and then we split up again and head
out to finish up and get back home as soon as we can
and in one piece, the good Lord willin'.
I finished up and, being on my own for dinner, decided
to go to my favorite Chinese food restaurant. Pam
doesn't like Chinese food as much as I do so this was
a good chance for me to get it on with some good
Chinese food. During the meal, I notice that the
waitress taking care of the tables in my section is
catching some grief from a table occupied by several
"tuff-guy" types.
Poor thing is nearly in tears. I
just hate to see a scene like this! These girls work
long, hard hours and don't make much better than
starvation wages. I heard and I believe that they all
live together when they come in from China. They
aren't "free" as we understand the word and their
future is uncertain.
This pretty, young girl is just
about to lose it. She speaks no English and it's hard
enough to make it when you understand the lingo. These
bullies were out of line. They weren't really hurting
her, they were just playing, in their rude and rough
way. If they tried that kind of behavior with a
seasoned truck stop waitress they would have been sent
out of there with their behinds on fire. But my brave
little waitress held her head up and did the best she
could, the tears in her eyes not withstanding. I tried
to engage her in conversation but she could only smile
through those tears trying to form in here eyes.
When I left, I laid a 10 spot on the table and walked out
the door in hopes that would brighten her day some and
demonstrate that all guy aren't jerks. I was a bit
distracted by the scene that had just unfolded around
me and I left my glasses on the table. Just as I
stepped out into the cold rain, I felt myself being
spun around. Here was my waitress, holding my glasses,
tears in full flow, thanking me and kissing me wetly
on the cheek. It was only $10.00, for Pete's sake! It
was enough, however, to make this young ladies day.
Now I'm safely home from the wars and no permanent
damage was done. Funny, but for the last few years,
this day has actually helped me catch that Christmas
feeling. Life IS good and people ARE worth caring
about.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all. May
next year be good for fishing and good friendships,
peace, joy, and good health...W. J.
)
