How to Maximize Your Chances

[OutAtTheEdge]

In a recent attempt to maximize my ability to prevail in a life-or-death encounter, I've been scrupulously studying the most reliable sources of tactical information available today: magazine ads and youtube videos. Although the info provided is vast, through diligent scanning employing my insurmountable observational skills coupled with a lot of fast-forwarding through the boring parts, I believe I've been able to narrow it down to a couple of invaluable tips.

First, there is wardrobe. If you find that you've been losing most of your gunfights, it is most likely due to being improperly dressed. Tactical footwear is paramount, of course, along with khaki 511 pants, skin-tight tee shirt that stretch across your bulging biceps, and a ball cap emblazoned with either the logo of a recognized leader in tactical advertising or, at your discretion, an American flag displayed in non-traditional colors, preferably khaki/OD/FDE with black stripes and stars.

Secondly, there is grooming. It goes without saying that victory goes to the bearded, especially if it is a neatly trimmed full beard, but of equal importance are the abundant tattoos on your forearms. Full sleeve tats on both arms practically guarantees victory.

It goes without saying (but, you know, I'll say it anyway) that this is all tongue-in-cheek, and i hope you got at least a little chuckle out of it.

 

[Mule Packer]

Oh swell...it looks like I'm dead meat in a life-or-death encounter. Cowboy boots, Wranglers, and an old Stetson. And, sadly, I don't have bulging biceps or even buns of steel. I'm only a little over 6' tall and weigh in at 163 pounds...on a good day. Someone once compared me to a stringy piece of mule jerky...and when it comes to a tactical situation, that description certainly isn't very complimentary.

 

[Krogen]

Waaaaaa haw haw haw haw!!

It's also about stance. You need to stick both arms straight out, hunch your head down between your shoulders and scowl at the object of your attention. If you can't hit 'em, scare 'em!

 

[fiasconva]

I'm still trying to figure out how you can lose more than one gun fight. Guess you just gotta be lucky?

 

[diyj98]

It used to be said if you wanted to look like an expert, use a Powerpoint presentation. I guess I need to grow a beard and wear the tactical clothes to look like a firearms expert, and start posts with "in my experience" and end with comments like "nuff said".

 

[The Big D]

In a recent attempt to maximize my ability to prevail in a life-or-death encounter, I've been scrupulously studying the most reliable sources of tactical information available today: magazine ads and youtube videos. Although the info provided is vast, through diligent scanning employing my insurmountable observational skills coupled with a lot of fast-forwarding through the boring parts, I believe I've been able to narrow it down to a couple of invaluable tips.

First, there is wardrobe. If you find that you've been losing most of your gunfights, it is most likely due to being improperly dressed. Tactical footwear is paramount, of course, along with khaki 511 pants, skin-tight tee shirt that stretch across your bulging biceps, and a ball cap emblazoned with either the logo of a recognized leader in tactical advertising or, at your discretion, an American flag displayed in non-traditional colors, preferably khaki/OD/FDE with black stripes and stars.

Secondly, there is grooming. It goes without saying that victory goes to the bearded, especially if it is a neatly trimmed full beard, but of equal importance are the abundant tattoos on your forearms. Full sleeve tats on both arms practically guarantees victory.

It goes without saying (but, you know, I'll say it anyway) that this is all tongue-in-cheek, and i hope you got at least a little chuckle out of it.

Post of the year…perhaps all time!

Good on ya; well said.

Be safe.

 

[Butzbach]

Oh swell...it looks like I'm dead meat in a life-or-death encounter. Cowboy boots, Wranglers, and an old Stetson. And, sadly, I don't have bulging biceps or even buns of steel. I'm only a little over 6' tall and weigh in at 163 pounds...on a good day. Someone once compared me to a stringy piece of mule jerky...and when it comes to a tactical situation, that description certainly isn't very complimentary.

On the bright side, it sounds like if you were to turn sideways you would be invisible. Stay stringy mi amigo.

 

[ameridaddy]

In a recent attempt to maximize my ability to prevail in a life-or-death encounter, I've been scrupulously studying the most reliable sources of tactical information available today: magazine ads and youtube videos. Although the info provided is vast, through diligent scanning employing my insurmountable observational skills coupled with a lot of fast-forwarding through the boring parts, I believe I've been able to narrow it down to a couple of invaluable tips.

First, there is wardrobe. If you find that you've been losing most of your gunfights, it is most likely due to being improperly dressed. Tactical footwear is paramount, of course, along with khaki 511 pants, skin-tight tee shirt that stretch across your bulging biceps, and a ball cap emblazoned with either the logo of a recognized leader in tactical advertising or, at your discretion, an American flag displayed in non-traditional colors, preferably khaki/OD/FDE with black stripes and stars.

Secondly, there is grooming. It goes without saying that victory goes to the bearded, especially if it is a neatly trimmed full beard, but of equal importance are the abundant tattoos on your forearms. Full sleeve tats on both arms practically guarantees victory.

It goes without saying (but, you know, I'll say it anyway) that this is all tongue-in-cheek, and i hope you got at least a little chuckle out of it.

Good advice, but shouldn't I also sport a mall ninja pistol in a thigh holster that sits out proud of my thigh about four inches and an M-4 clone with every accessory Midway offers? They'd look really good with the 511 pants.

 

[RebCop]

I was a contractor in Iraq training the Iraqi Police. Just about every young cop there had a bald head (shaved) and the tats everywhere. I just shook my head as , " They were unique individuals , just like everyone else".

 

[2500]

But seriously

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[DEFENDER88]

In a recent attempt to maximize my ability to prevail in a life-or-death encounter, I've been scrupulously studying the most reliable sources of tactical information available today: magazine ads and youtube videos. Although the info provided is vast, through diligent scanning employing my insurmountable observational skills coupled with a lot of fast-forwarding through the boring parts, I believe I've been able to narrow it down to a couple of invaluable tips.

First, there is wardrobe. If you find that you've been losing most of your gunfights, it is most likely due to being improperly dressed. Tactical footwear is paramount, of course, along with khaki 511 pants, skin-tight tee shirt that stretch across your bulging biceps, and a ball cap emblazoned with either the logo of a recognized leader in tactical advertising or, at your discretion, an American flag displayed in non-traditional colors, preferably khaki/OD/FDE with black stripes and stars.

Secondly, there is grooming. It goes without saying that victory goes to the bearded, especially if it is a neatly trimmed full beard, but of equal importance are the abundant tattoos on your forearms. Full sleeve tats on both arms practically guarantees victory.

It goes without saying (but, you know, I'll say it anyway) that this is all tongue-in-cheek, and i hope you got at least a little chuckle out of it.

Sounds about right. But you left out the part where you "Must" be carrying at least a 44 Mag, or 50 Cal to be serious. ps Those who have been losing most of their gun fights are not likely to be here to respond.
For me(DHS Certified Instr) - in training others - Yes Accuracy is critical. BUT - So is Speed/Time. If it takes you 4 seconds to draw and shoot 3 shots in Defense - you would be better off trying to escape and/or always wear Body Armor. For "me" - I recommend 9mm as minimum standard or 40cal(Police Favorite) at most. Most important - "Be good with it"/Practice. Most men who shoot don't consider or realize or practice for the critical importance of "TOT - "Time On Target". So, I advise, Practice your "Draw & Present" as much as actual shooting - if not more. And consider the "FBI Rule of 3's" for most shootings in the US - ie 3 shots fired, in 3 seconds at 3 yds. My last time to Draw and fire 6 shots into a 5in circle at 20ft was 1.9 sec. But I shoot and practice "A Lot" Say 100rds/mo for last 10yr. TN State & DHS Certified Instr., Monthly "Combat Competition" shooter - Multi-gun, & IDPA, also Sniper Rifle shooter. My "Carry-Gun" = M&P9C, in a Fanny-Pack at 3 oclock. 3 lb custom trigger.

 

[Bald1]

OP this is hilarious. Sadly it is true but hilarious. Reminds me of the 20something security guards at our local gun shows. And there's always that one guy that definitely should not be wearing the tight shirt. Perhaps a bra. But not a tight shirt.