How to Maximize Your Chances

[OutAtTheEdge]

In a recent attempt to maximize my ability to prevail in a life-or-death encounter, I've been scrupulously studying the most reliable sources of tactical information available today: magazine ads and youtube videos. Although the info provided is vast, through diligent scanning employing my insurmountable observational skills coupled with a lot of fast-forwarding through the boring parts, I believe I've been able to narrow it down to a couple of invaluable tips.

First, there is wardrobe. If you find that you've been losing most of your gunfights, it is most likely due to being improperly dressed. Tactical footwear is paramount, of course, along with khaki 511 pants, skin-tight tee shirt that stretch across your bulging biceps, and a ball cap emblazoned with either the logo of a recognized leader in tactical advertising or, at your discretion, an American flag displayed in non-traditional colors, preferably khaki/OD/FDE with black stripes and stars.

Secondly, there is grooming. It goes without saying that victory goes to the bearded, especially if it is a neatly trimmed full beard, but of equal importance are the abundant tattoos on your forearms. Full sleeve tats on both arms practically guarantees victory.

It goes without saying (but, you know, I'll say it anyway) that this is all tongue-in-cheek, and i hope you got at least a little chuckle out of it.

 

[Mule Packer]

Oh swell...it looks like I'm dead meat in a life-or-death encounter. Cowboy boots, Wranglers, and an old Stetson. And, sadly, I don't have bulging biceps or even buns of steel. I'm only a little over 6' tall and weigh in at 163 pounds...on a good day. Someone once compared me to a stringy piece of mule jerky...and when it comes to a tactical situation, that description certainly isn't very complimentary.

 

[Krogen]

Waaaaaa haw haw haw haw!!

It's also about stance. You need to stick both arms straight out, hunch your head down between your shoulders and scowl at the object of your attention. If you can't hit 'em, scare 'em!

 

[fiasconva]

I'm still trying to figure out how you can lose more than one gun fight. Guess you just gotta be lucky?

 

[diyj98]

It used to be said if you wanted to look like an expert, use a Powerpoint presentation. I guess I need to grow a beard and wear the tactical clothes to look like a firearms expert, and start posts with "in my experience" and end with comments like "nuff said".