I need a little advice

[mountaingun629]

Best to let them sort out their own problems, and offer advice/opinions only if asked. Make sure they know that you will be there for them when they need you.
You can't exert much control over their lives after they are grown up, even though they will always be our little angels to us. Just hope that their upbringing sticks.

Myron

 

[COL Jagdog]

Hey, it's all good. What would be awkward would be if he was asking for your son's hand in marriage.

Seriiously, though, I think Erich's advice was terrific.

 

[amazingflapjack]

You don't want him to think he's one up on you?

I would suggest that you back up, sit down, and breath through your nose until you process a few truths here. He does not even need to ask for your blessing. They don't need your permission or anything else, and if they did, you would be wise not to hold it over their heads. The kind of relationship and future you have with this new, sovereign, independent married couple depends on how you handle yourself now. Try some role reversal; do unto others. How would you have liked your FIL to regard you? Most of all, if you are a person of faith, make that the center of your input for this new union, and if you're not, consider making God the center of your life and then lead by example. You asked for advice, I hope you receive this in the spirit it was sent. flapjack.

 

[Frank46]

Both of my daughters fiancee's came to me to ask permission to marry. I did the same with my wife's folks. Tradition maybe but I'm kinda old school. They are still daddy's little girls married or not. Frank

 

[Fishslayer]

"I have no problem going back to prison."

 

[bp231986]

It is out of the norm now days that he would ask for permission from you. Its good that he values your opinion on the matter as some people now dont even tell their families after the fact.

 

[xray97]

While I am in agreement with Eric I still think I would express the same sentiment if it were my daughter. I guess I wouldn't, most probably, mean it literally.
I've been to enough "family beefs" to have the opinion that a man that lays a hand on a woman, and gets away with it, will probably continue. I assume that if you want to marry my daughter you are at least minimally acquainted with me, that's the way my family is. You would then know me well enough to know that if you and she had some personal problems or verbally fought a lot, I would mind my own business and stay out of yours. What I would want him to understand is, if you treat may daughter decently I will love you as a son, and do everything in my power to help you. Conversely if you ever make her cry through physical abuse I will do everything in my power to make you pay. I may not be able to kick your *** but neither will I give you any support, ever.
I guess it's probably a matter of age. I think I could say those words to a future son-in-law and he would understand I wasn't going all "type A" on him. If he didn't recognize the real meaning behind the words we probably WOULD have trouble communicating.

 

[tork'd]

my FIL told me there is "no depsoit-no return, but understand when you marry a Sicilian, you marry ALL of us."
he was right about the later
have not wanted to try the first...

 

[o3rugby1]

You make her cry. I shove this gun in your face. Plus jails not that bad.

 

[JcMack]

I'd tell him in our family tradition paying for the wedding is optional.

 

[frog289]

my daughter has blessed me with 5 grandkids I have been watching them for a week so she can go to school and her husban is working I am closer to her husban than my 2 boys good luck

 

[JJEH]

What would you say?

Well, how old are they? Did you do a background check on him? Drug test? Did he provide at least 3 references to you?

I don't know how I would react if my daughter wants to marry. But you know... there is no guarantee at all! It can work, but it also can crash after a couple years of marriage...

But after all, we should trust our kids in making such a decision. It's important to them

 

[novalty]

Well when he does ask, tell him you want to go target shooting with him first. Buy a bleeding zombie target, once you are done shooting, take out a shovel and bury the target. When done, just say. "See how easy that was."

+

=

 

[MDGasman]

Remember too that it's not just about you. They've been dating for a few years, your daughter should know him pretty well by now; why not make the first move and talk to her about her feelings towards marrying him. That should help you determine your reply IF he asks.

 

[wbraswell]

Yeah, what they said. Just don't scare him off.

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

My wife and I dated 9 years before I married her. Called her Dad and asked to come over to the house one night. Found out later that he was a total nervous wreck the rest of the day cause he pretty much knew what I was coming over to ask. (I was pretty nervous too )
We sat in the kitchen and it went well-he cried,I cried, he went to get his wife, she cried, and then I went to my GF's house picked her up and brought her back to her parents and then they all cried again.
I got kidded for years by my brothers in law because of the black streaks on the tile from my shoe soles rubbing the floor I was so nervous. That was the last thing I had to do for the wedding until I said "I do"
Will be 29 years this fall.
Eric's advise is spot on.

 

[Frizzman]

I think that if the guy is willing to marry her and bothers to ask you for permission, then he can't be too bad compared to many who just want to shack up and would tell you to drop dead if you didn't approve. I know that my daughter was raised with good values and character and will not settle for less in a mate. I would make it clear that if he ever abused her, he better hope I'm dead. Of course, I taught her the use of weapons and how to defend herself and think she wouldn't allow herself to be a victim.

 

[Fishslayer]

My wife and I dated 9 years before I married her. Called her Dad and asked to come over to the house one night. Found out later that he was a total nervous wreck the rest of the day cause he pretty much knew what I was coming over to ask.

Sure he wasn't nervous because a lawyer was coming to his house? I would be, and I don't even have a daughter!

 

[kraigwy]

My Grandfather would make sure his daughters would have their boyfriends come early. She was to take her time getting ready. My Grandfather would set on the porch, had the boy a piece of wood and they would wittle.

If the Boy tried to make some thing with the wood, he got to take the daughter out. If he just made chips, he was sent on his way.

Its a sign if the guy was going to make anything of his life or not.

 

[charlie sherrill]

Future SIL came over and said "I think your daughter's pregnant." I said "whatcha gonna do?" He said "Is it OK if we get married?" I said "Beer's in the fridge, I been wanting some grandchildren." That was nine years and two beautiful granddaughter ago.