Thanks for your service.
69-70 for me, so Vet to Vet-
Damn that war.
Easy to say- "____ it, it don' mean nothin' ", harder to do.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
You need to put that stuff down.
If you burned up a 60, you're telling me that it was a bad scene. I'm giving it to you that you did what you thought best in the heat of the moment. EVEN if you made a mistake, stuff happens. You're not perfect, the gun wasn't perfect, and battles are never perfect- the perfect battle plan only lasts till the first shot is fired.
You were in a rough area. Very rough. You don't know what would have happened after that day. As someone else said- it may have been their time.
That you still feel the burden speaks to your character. Use that character today, and honor them with your life. Yesterday's gone; tomorrow never comes. Today counts.
I don't know why, but this really struck me. Maybe the stars are just in alignment, but I had to walk away from this twice. I did a few things I wish I hadn't, and did not do a few things I wish I had. I know you've played "what if" and "if only" and considered what a simple twist of fate can do. Fact is, we'll never know, so we're just amusing ourselves or wasting time when we do it.
Bring yourself home. Nobody else will. Grant yourself permission and whatever forgiveness you need. You certainly have mine for whatever it's worth. I'm not saying don't seek counseling, just that in the end, you must decide to get through it. The help is not a bad idea.
You have my compliments.
Godspeed, and may peace be upon your life, and in your head.
