Jokes about your neighboring states.......

I grew up in West Virginia, and have lived in South Carolina for almost six years in total (with stops in PA and NC along the way).

If there's a joke to be heard, I've either heard it or lived it. ;)
 
We here in Missouri decided to give our bootheel part of the state to Arkansas.

It will raise the average IQ of both states.:p:p:p:p
 
Texans biggest fear is that Alaska will divide into two states, making Texas the THIRD largest state.....

Only one I know, 'cause I live in California, where a failed governor from 30 years ago replaced Arnold Schwartzenegger....
 
A country bumpkin family from Georgia decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered. While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes. The Georgia redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again. The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful! Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
 
you know how you can tell the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee? because if it were invented anywhere else it would be called a theethbrush
 
Why is there so much food at Kentucky weddings?

It draws the flies away from the bride.
 
What do a West Virginia devorcee and a tornado have in common?

They both get the trailer!
 
Nebraska;
The state tree is the telephone pole.
When the wind stops blowing the trees fall over.

Iowa - If Iowa could strip off the row of counties on its southern border and attach them to Missouri they would raise the average IQ of both states by 15 points. (told to me by a former LT Governor of Iowa).
 
An Oklahoma farmer wakes up one morning and is shocked to notice that the skin on his face and scalp (from the eyebrows up) is as white as snow. The rest of his body is still deeply tanned from his daily exposure to the sun. Frightened and embarrassed, the Okie jams a hat on top of his head, quickly dresses, gets into his truck, and drives down the road and crosses the border into Texas to visit an old acquaintance who happens to be a retired physician.

When he arrives at his friend's farm, he finds the doctor in the barn, and after closing and bolting the barn door, and swearing the doctor to secrecy, he removes his cap so his friend can see his shocking condition.

The doctor looks carefully at the Okie and tells him: "Well, I've got good news for you, and I've got bad news for you about your condition. The good news is: I can cure your condition, the cure is readily accessible and fast acting, and the treatment, though unpleasant, is not painful. The bad news is the cure is really, really unpleasant."

The Okie tells the doctor to proceed with the treatment as he cannot walk around with the top of his head colored white. The doctor excuses himself and exits the barn. He returns to his friend a few minutes later carrying a large, stainless steel pitcher covered with a clean white colored handkerchief. He asks if the Okie is still determined to undergo the treatment, and the Okie says he is even more determined to complete the treatment no matter how unpleasant it is. The doctor tells him: "You need to drink the entire contents of this pitcher and keep it down. I know it's unpleasant, and my best advice is to just chug it down at one time and not take any breaks whatsoever."

The Okie struggles, but manages to drink the entire contents of the pitcher and retain it per the doctor's instructions. "Whew, Doc, that stuff was FOUL", said the Okie. "Yes, I know", said the Doctor. "But you did a good job and should be right as rain shortly." "Okay" said the Okie, who then added "Wow! That stuff, on top of tasting bad, smells bad too! In fact, and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, Doc, but that stuff smells like bull, uh, poop." "It was", said the Doctor. "You were a quart low."


Regards,

Dave
 
A car with Connecticut plates is driving down a road in Vermont. The road comes to a fork and there is a sign pointing the way to Marlboro. The thing is, the sign points both ways. The driver of the car saw a farmer tedding hay, so he got out of his car and yelled "Hey! Old Timer!" to the farmer.

The farmer shut his tractor off and said: "Can I help you?"

The driver asked: "Yeah, does it matter which road I take to get to Marlboro?"

The farmer thought about it for a few seconds and replied: "Not to me, it don't."
 
Did you know the reason the Irish celebrate St. Patrick's Day is because this is when St. Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland.
It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes.

St. Patrick,taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided the Norwegians had to go. Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians) Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would keep. Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows today, thrive on spoiled fish.

So, faced with failure, the desperate Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian invaders. But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor of the fish. They liked it so much they decided to call it "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for "luscious fish". Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when theNorwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop and making something called "lefse".
Poor St. Patrick was at his wit's end, and finally on March 17th, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to "GO TO HELL". So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota or the Dakotas —- the only other paradise on earth where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance. The End. -
The TRUE Story of Lutefisk | The Adventures of Ole and Lena
 
If I have to delete any more, it goes away.
Your choice.

From the rules:
If you cannot use it politely in mixed company or around YOUNGSTERS, please don't use it here.
 
It is a surprise to many that Iowa is actually an acronym: Idiots Out Wandering Around.
 
The governor of Oklahoma visited the governor of Texas on his ranch. The Texas governor was bragging about the size of his land. "My house is in the center of my land. From there we can get in my truck and drive at top speed from sun up to sun down and still not reach the boundary of my property." The Oklahoma governor looked at him knowingly and said "Yeah, I used to have a truck like that too."
 
Alabama:

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]Two Alabamans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"
[/FONT]
 
If you're from New Jersey, what do you call being shot five times, stabbed four times, beaten about the head and shoulders, and having one ear torn off?

The evening commute.
 
did you say "dumb & dumber?"

A picture my daughter just sent me from Ketchikan
 

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