List of excuses for your next acquistions

ElmerKeith

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The following list was originally published in the club magazine of the Leica collectors club "Leica Historica" in Germany back in the 80s. I tried to translate it into a readable English language and hope that it will be quite readable. If there are any misunderstandings because of choosing the wrong English espression, please let me know.

A small collection of (lame) excuses for the purchase of a S&W-item


1. Especially this item is lacking in my collection

Every collector uses this excuse, whether at the very beginning or at least at the end of his collector's activities. This excuse is weak in some parts: at least after the third time of use other people will know that a collection will never be completed and this knowledge takes away the power of this argument.


2. That was a real bargain

or however you may call an extremely good occasion. Only with short time impact, should not be uses more than three times a month. Otherwise the excuse and the collection will loose their value and reputation.


3. This item matche exactly to this gun

An excuse for holsters, grip adapters, stocks sights and similiar accessories from the S&W plant. Very good impact at the very beginning. Attention: as soon as the questioner realizes that a S&W revolver or pistol accessorie ist part of a complete system or family he or especially she may realize how flimsily the web of excuses is woven. But until he or she is getting so smart to realize this years may pass by and this excuse might help a lot.


4. For this item I can trade in a piece much more valuable

An excuse directin far into the future – almost a program! Works and functions for a long time if the mind of the questioner will be diverted so that he or she will not realize how much the access to your gun vault is like a one-way-street. Therefore you should always part with trifles of less quality you already own quadruple. Never ever omit to announce the avail loud and clear. Profit at least will never be made in cash but will be invested in scarce items – otherwise it may come to her mind a topic like new shoes jewellery e. g.


But now let us leave these self-centered excuses. The reader may alternate or add more of them – just as he likes. It would be a good advice to simulate dialogs on your way back from the guns show, pawn shop, gun dealer or annual meeting. This will train your expressive powers and may lead to other excuses.


Now let us turn to a second category of excuses which will take place in a higher level because not the person itself but a higher authority plays the leading role.

5. This piece was hold by Douglas B. Wesson, Horace Smith oder Carl Hellstrom in his own hands

A hardly to disprove excuse. A S&W revolver e.g. D.B.W. or Carl Hellstrom hold in his own hands isn't a revolver anymore. It is a relic and my justify any price. But before using this excuse make aware that the combination DOB of the gun to death of D.B.W. or Carl Hellstrom will fit. Relics are always treated with respect and can be valued by money only alternatively.
This aspect dignifies the excuse and scotches questions for the filthy lucre.


6. This item is a milestone in the development of S&W handguns

A good excuse especially meant for prototypes, testmodels and other unusual guns and accessories. Milestones are alway solitary and protrude from the mass. They contain the defining thought/spirit while the descendants made by thousands only multiply the spirit. These milestones are very valuable treasures, not even for the single collector but for the whole community of collectors. It is a noble motive to keep these things. A collector feeling realy and honestly responsible cannot elude without loosing his face.


7. This item has never been researched and described before

Great chances are offered with this excuse while concealing some risks either. Whoever will research and describe items that have never been researched and described before gains himself access to the circle of real insiders whose can be read in publications like SCSW or those published by the SWCA. You rise from being a pure collector to a real author and for therefor no sacrifice will be high enough.
But beware: The danger in this excuse is to be asked occasionaly when the article announced will be published.


8. You cannnot let fall this item into the hands of disbelievers

This excuse will place your action into a special kind of charity. The ideas of Horace Smith and Daniel B. Wesson as well as those of the constructors and engineers in the following years in the hands of irrevent mongers who dare to prostitute them in public in the dust of their shop window ?
Every financial effort has to be untertaken to intervene. Such items have to be rescued. A S&W gun to the historians!

Now let us finish with this category of excuses. Just one thing: Whoever will remain deaf against these arguments belongs to the S&W-agnostics whom we will abandon to his fate.

Finally some excuses of a special kind. These are the excuses coming deeply from the heart.

9. I just couldn't resist!

Whose wife – after the first fury – will not heave a sigh of relief and react in a forgiving manner when she realizes that the lapse was not commited with a lady but a Ladysmith or something like that.
You should enact this excuse very well. Set up a face like a school boy who was caught in act and withdraw your new acquisition only in the last moment.


10. I'm a total S&W maniac

A disarming excuse which might terrify the questioner. A real luck that his madness is just mild.
If you ever gained the status of a recognized S&W maniac you may forget all the excuses previously discribed. You may do whatever you want until you are under disability.

But finally an excuse that always has slided into obscurity:

I made the acquisition just because you can shoot with it.
 
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Mine is:

"The devil made me do it". Sometimes it will work as an excuse for other things too.
 
"It costs less than an elephant rifle."

That one works for me. "An Elephant Rifle" is my holy grail. For years I have told first my ex, and now my wife "I need an elephant rilfe. Suppose someone like Richard Childress called me tomorrow and asked me to go elephant hunting? Can you imagine how embarrassed I'd be to have to admit that I don't have a SINGLE elephant rifle? Not even a bolt gun. :eek: It's like a woman saying she doesn't have a "little black dress. :o"

This usually brings about a deep sigh, rolled eyes :rolleyes: and a "OH! GO AHEAD!"
 
My wife rarely asks "why" anymore as she's come to realize there just isn't a plausible answer to that question. When she does ask, I usually just respond with "just because." It does help though when I just keep my mouth shut when she buys another senseless pair of shoes that will never be worn.
 
Then there are the milsurp collector excuses. I think these are the top two.

1) "I don't have one from that year"

2) "I don't have one that has been to Finland/Spain/Yugoslavia"
 
"The dog ate my other (last) one." Doesn't matter what "the last one" was, doesn't matter what we're talking about, could have been an anvil for all I care, that's always my excuse, and it works most of the time. Probably because my wife knows that's the best she's gonna get out of me anyway.
 
Same reason that you want more shoes when you've only got two feet.

Takes a braver man than me to say something like that!:D

(In reality, most of the time my wife sees something in the LGS and says, "That looks like fun." so I meekly buy it.);)
 
"Didn't purchase last month."

Or if available in camo, for some reason I get anxious that I cannot fathom surviving another minute without having at least one of each...
 
Right now my next excuse is: "I need a smaller gun for the days I can't carry my full size one."
 
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