Missus Fan is trying to kill me
- Thread starter P&R Fan
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jlrhiner
US Veteran
Nah, it would have been your head. 
Stu1205
Member
If it is your shooting hand.......perhaps.
Stu
Stu
jeffsmith
Member
No Definitely Not
She would have driven away with your Hand in the Door
She would have driven away with your Hand in the Door
Nah, she's just trying to get you away from that damn computer.
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Send me the guns for safe keeping.
I came down one day and innocently asked her what she was looking at on the computer. It was my life insurance policies. She said she had to because the cat ate the hard copies.
Uh huh, I was born at night. It was not last night. Slept with my right eye open for about a month.
Just a heads up: If you see a story on Fox news that says 54 year old Iowa Woman accidentally shoots her husband in the head.....7 times.....with a 6 shot revolver (yes officer, he is very good at Tactical reloads).... check it out for me, will ya?
Jim
Uh huh, I was born at night. It was not last night. Slept with my right eye open for about a month.Just a heads up: If you see a story on Fox news that says 54 year old Iowa Woman accidentally shoots her husband in the head.....7 times.....with a 6 shot revolver (yes officer, he is very good at Tactical reloads).... check it out for me, will ya?
Jim
Malpasowildlifer
Member
ouch......
Don't go to sleep tonight!!
Maybe she doesn't want you to touch her!
carpriver
US Veteran
So what did you say to her to cause such a reaction from her?
zzzippper
Member
What are you typing with, your umm...nose?
I'm on my Nook. Just using my right index finger. When I'm on the computer I use BOTH index fingers.
Plus I'm rough and tough and made of Double Stuff, like an Oreo cookie.
Jim
Ivan the Butcher
Member
She has heard all your stories from work... if she wants you gone, you'll never hear it coming. She just expects you to be smart enough to keep your fingers out of a closing door!
StrawHat
Member
NOTHIN'! I was just my normal sweet self.
Jim
That, itself, could be the problem.
My wife will ask me "...would you prefer to be stabbed with a sharp knife or a dull one while you are sleeping?... "
I know about sleeping with one eye open!
kozmic
Member
Perhaps you should store your guns, cash, valuables and the like at my place for a while Fan.
Chances are I'm not in cahoots with the missus.
Chances are I'm not in cahoots with the missus.
Jim,
Have you looked over the Christmas gift list that you gave her? Perhaps she's sending you some very subtle messages that she believes that she came up a bit short!
I don't believe that Lorena Bobbitt is in Iowa now, so you're safe in that department.
Have you looked over the Christmas gift list that you gave her? Perhaps she's sending you some very subtle messages that she believes that she came up a bit short!
I don't believe that Lorena Bobbitt is in Iowa now, so you're safe in that department.
It could be worse! A few days ago, I slammed the door to my shop on my "own" hand!
Only one fingernail turned black, but all fingers were sore for a few days. What "really hurt" was I could not blame it on anyone else! 
Missus Fan and I just got back from Wal-Mart. I was getting the stuff out of the car and she slammed all four fingers of my right hand in the door.
'Spose she's tryin' to kill me?
Jim
No Fan I don't think she was trying to kill you. She may have been mad at you and wanted to punish you but that just don't seem like something woman would do.
If you ever wake up and you are on fire or, uh, part of your anatomy is missing I think that would be a clear sign of intent.
I once saw a movie "The Missouri Breaks" With Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando. In one scene they are out on the trail camping and Nicholson wakes up gasping and choking. Brando sits calmly by the camp fire and says to him, "in case you're wondering what that peculiar feeling is, you've just had your throat cut."
As I think about it that kinda seems like something that might also be a sign.
I hope y'all can kiss and make up. But just to be on the safe side make SURE she isn't mad at you before you go to sleep.
M E Morrison
Member
MOONDAWG
US Veteran
She was just trying to clean the wax outta ya ears...did it work?
Didn't you notice that your head had just moved out of the way as the door slammed. Awhile back I was watching a program on TV about women that poison their husbands so if you start getting sick you probably need to get checked. Larry
You should lock her up in the gun safe before you go to bed.
I remember the bar, but cannot for the life of me remember the car or the girl's name......
We were bar hopping one night many moons ago when one of the women we were with came upon a super good looking, well built female co-worker who was drunker than Cootie Brown and surrounded by men trying to pick her up.
The woman that we were with *rescued her* and insisted that she go with us. There were at least 6 of us in an older (60s) big car and we went to Solomon Alfred's on Overton Square in Memphis.
The drunk girl jumped out and slammed the back door on her own fingers mashing 3 of them OFF and really messing up the other one!!!
SHE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE that she was leaving a really good blood trail in the parking lot.
Someone took her to The Med - - I have no idea what happened to her after that.
Could be your wife isn't trying to kill you - Maybe you're getting into the cookie jar a bit too much lately and she's just trying to save you?
We were bar hopping one night many moons ago when one of the women we were with came upon a super good looking, well built female co-worker who was drunker than Cootie Brown and surrounded by men trying to pick her up.
The woman that we were with *rescued her* and insisted that she go with us. There were at least 6 of us in an older (60s) big car and we went to Solomon Alfred's on Overton Square in Memphis.
The drunk girl jumped out and slammed the back door on her own fingers mashing 3 of them OFF and really messing up the other one!!!
SHE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE that she was leaving a really good blood trail in the parking lot.
Someone took her to The Med - - I have no idea what happened to her after that.
Could be your wife isn't trying to kill you - Maybe you're getting into the cookie jar a bit too much lately and she's just trying to save you?
GatorFarmer
Member
Just remember to never tell a woman your true drug allergies and occasionally and randomly switch plates amd glasses with her. Aside from angry fights that lead to a stabbing, shooting or bludgeoning, most guys I know who had their wife try to kill them involved poison. Many times it was as simple as broken glass in their food, other times it was having their meds switched.
That is odd. Why are these mashed potatoes so crunchy and all bleedy?
That is odd. Why are these mashed potatoes so crunchy and all bleedy?
My sister did that once. But she's a small woman, and the door latched, and locked. She was trapped. And when it happened, she dropped her purse, with her keys in it, just out of reach.
But it was OK. She screamed loud enough that someone in the fast food joint next door heard her and came and unlocked the door and freed her. Her fingers looked like a cartoon characters for a day or so. Kinda flat on the ends.
I worry about my wife. She spends all day watching "Forensic Files" and shows like that. I wonder if she's trying to figure out what they did wrong, and how not to make that mistake.
But it was OK. She screamed loud enough that someone in the fast food joint next door heard her and came and unlocked the door and freed her. Her fingers looked like a cartoon characters for a day or so. Kinda flat on the ends.
I worry about my wife. She spends all day watching "Forensic Files" and shows like that. I wonder if she's trying to figure out what they did wrong, and how not to make that mistake.
