My son had a friend.....

[Doug M.]

No. At least in jail he is less likely to do something self-destructive, and you won't lose the money when he violates his conditions of release.

 

[Muss Muggins]

He and his girlfriend have a baby ? Sorry. but in my world only married people have babies. While he's inside she'll be on the Dole.

How do you know she's not now . . . ?

 

[TheHobbyist]

I can understand YOUR values and wanting to help a human being.

BUT, here's the thing: You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped OR know that they need help.

Sleep in good conscience knowing that this person made THEIR choice. YOU are not responsible for ANYTHING.

I hope that is very clear. My advice. Delete this post and move on with life as if you heard nothing. You being a good man does not mean you have to put yourself or family in this spot. "No" can be a good word.

 

[rwsmith]

My son matured FAST

If you feel like you must help someone...
while the bum is in lock up, help the girl find a decent boyfriend... if a decent guy would have her,



On another note. My sons mother said that he should not be hanging around some of his friends.
Thought about it, new the kids and their parents somewhat, and said why not? These kids could use a little influence from a good kid, our son.
Never got into any trouble that I found out about. And they are all now productive members of society.

Again, he's 18 now and rags his friends (the non criminal ones) about sitting around smoking dope and wasting their lives Most are older than him.

Here's a failure. Mom and Dad split, Dad's a total sleazeball. Kid got on hard dope BAD. My son told him that he was NOT his responsibility and don't look to him for support, but if you get straight, fine. The kid got much worse. Total loss.

None of this is our fight. We have plenty of our own problems. All of that is falling behind us, but some of it 'sticks'. But if a kid is headed the wrong way, it doesn't hurt me to try to steer him right. It's a dam shame our society has gotten like this.

 

[Badgerboy1]

Run far, run fast, but run away. Do NOT give these people one dime unless you are rolling in money and can lose thousands without thinking twice...if you are in that situation, I can be adopted...

 

[Sayoc01]

Ahhh,BLUES....how many times have we seen this in Miami!! Forget sending the $$$ "if"you do.....it will NOT be the last time you get asked.Don't be surprised if you get a phone call.....WITH SOBBING & a only YOU can help "US"! Your call.....me......no way!!

 

[Golddollar]

...when my son got out of juvenile lock up the first time, he kept his 'friends', which really worked in. The second time, he thought the same, but he was growing out of that idiotic self destructive mindset so he started to distance himself. Now he stays away from them. They are still around here. I told my son that he needed new friends. He only knew street values so it was tough at first because with that mindset you can't relate to 'real' people, but he's making new 'quality friends' now in his business and he realizes where he needs to polish up. He has STILL gotten phone calls from people trying to get him to sell drugs. They won't accept "I don't do that anymore" as a viable answer. But my son is OUT and has no desire to hang with a bunch of losers any more. We tried to raise him right, but for some years he was possessed by demons but he picked up where we left off after he was 'exorcized'.

Congratulations for helping your son find his way down the right path.

 

[susieqz]

rw, we know you will do the right thing, because you are you.

 

[rwsmith]

UPDATE: Maybe it WAS more...

...successful than I thought.

The 'then' kid and his wife that we helped out some years ago are still have some rough patches, but they came by with the baby today. They look GREAT! Both are turning around from the bad attitudes they had, he's working hard and he's 'ripped' and they both look HAPPY and not defiant. They acknowledged that they had some problems but were accepting and dealing with them properly. And they are well fed, which is a good sign because their money isn't going to tattoos and dope. The baby is a beautiful, happy little girl. It's good timing, because she has a chance to grow up happy. That made our day!

Meanwhile, there are too many of that crowd 18 to early 20s that are flat gone. Several are in jail now for a long time and the young man I referred to has jail in his genes or something and can't even conceive of a possibility that it could be any different. He's not 'mean' at all, but he gets into situations where violence is called for and he becomes violent. No, I'm not happy about it, but there's not much to be done for somebody that has been so far over the edge for so long.

Again, life is strange. My wife and I in our 60s (Yesterday was her birthday) and never expected to be so close to this kind of life. But all of this has brought it close...too close to home. Now that our son has matured I expect that we will be back to a civil, humdrum life soon, but I believe this has made us stronger. I wonder how our comfort zone will be tested next time, but I'm not wishing for it.

 

[rwsmith]

Thanks,

rw, we know you will do the right thing, because you are you.

Thanks, that how it is. And we is what we is and that's all we is.

 

[Drm50]

I'm not bailing anyone out of jail if they are involved in stupidity
Dope, booze, ect. There might be some circumstance that I would
but I can't think of it offhand. I had a BIL that was a alky and I
ran around bailing him out for years until he passed. It was every
Holliday and most weekends. Today he couldn't have survived the
legal costs. Back then you paid your fine and that was it.

 

[rwsmith]

Yeah, you don't just get one punishment......

I'm not bailing anyone out of jail if they are involved in stupidity
Dope, booze, ect. There might be some circumstance that I would
but I can't think of it offhand. I had a BIL that was a alky and I
ran around bailing him out for years until he passed. It was every
Holliday and most weekends. Today he couldn't have survived the
legal costs. Back then you paid your fine and that was it.

But a string of punishments that you hope don't overlap with offenses If it helps, that's ok. Very little else does unless the person decides to change themselves.

 

[carpriver]

Not your circus, not your monkey. I told my son's I do not post bail, you do the crime you do the time. The school of hard knocks hurts sometimes. My youngest son was a wild child, did 28 days in the county confinement center, lost his job, his car. He got his poop in one sock and did pretty well. He said he had a lot of time to think and see others as bad examples for him.

It was hard as a father to follow though but sometimes tuff love is a bitch.