New edition of..."You know you're a redneck when"

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Yes, the new one is out!
Brand new edition of...
"You know you're a redneck when. . ."



1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ?
20. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
21. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
22. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
23. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal Mart.
24. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
25. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
26. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
27. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
28. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
 
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Yes, the new one is out!
Brand new edition of...
"You know you're a redneck when. . ."



1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ?
20. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
21. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
22. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
23. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal Mart.
24. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
25. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
26. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
27. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
28. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
 
29. You have a T.V. that has a picture with no sound on top of a T.V. that has sound with no picture.
 
Got some original ones for y'all!
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You know you're a redneck when..
1. You think Lalique is what French plumbing does.
2. You think a Shar Pei is a kind of felt tip marker.
3. You think that if someone doesn't want another person to park their car that they have valet fever.
4. You think Superman never got mad because, as the Man of Steel, he was afraid of losing his temper.

I could probably come up with a few more, but...
 
In top post,,, WHat's wrong with #s 1,9,13??????????? I figure if I "mark" the perimeter of the back yard it may keep the Foxes from eating my chickens.
Peter.

And just to Add one....
You have a TV on the hood of you truck cause it's the only thing that has air conditioning.
 
You know you're a redneck when you tell your wife you're going to have her car painted for her birthday, and then send her out for a can of Rustoleum and a sixpack.
 
Originally posted by pred:
In top post,,, WHat's wrong with #s 1,9,13??????????? I figure if I "mark" the perimeter of the back yard it may keep the Foxes from eating my chickens.
Peter.

That reminds me of the old Texas tradition of eating prickly pear cactus fruit and then "returning it to nature" at the perimeter of your living area.

After a while, you've got a fence and audible alarm system all in one. Especially on dark nights.
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For 12, does my step-grandma count? I don't know if she regularly bought ammo, but I do know that she shot someone. Do Cajuns count as rednecks?
 
And what is wrong with 25?

It has been in my family for 3 generations!
 
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