She blindsided me!

[wildenout]

Last night right as I got to my door a voice from behind said "Brandon Wilde?" to which I replied "Yes?" "You've been served." I thought she would be a bit more civil than this as we had discussed, and leave it be till after the holidays so I could enjoy my son's first Christmas and New Years. I knew she was going to file, but this was earlier than I thought!

Anywho, rant part over. Now I have to deal with the facts of my life, so I am out looking for helpful websites about divorce and perhaps any other tips and tricks you've learned. Lawyers are taken care of, and we are going to do mediation instead of a court battle for custody because neither of us want that. She also claims she wants me in my son's life, so I hope she'll stick to that promise. We'll just have to let it unfold I suppose.

Positive stories welcome!

 

[Cdog]

My deepest sympathies go out to you.

My first advice, hire the best divorce lawyer you can find. Get references from people you trust before choosing one.

Get a lawyer on retainer, what's civil now may not be after a trip to the mediator. Believe it or not, even people you think you know will look you squarely in the eyes and without blinking lie to you.

Please don't sign anything in advance of a lawyer reading it. Be wary of what you're told and careful with what you say.

I realize this ain't a very positive post, but based on personal experience there's simply not much I can say that is positive about going through a divorce. CD

 

[Hillbilly77]

I've never been through a divorce, so I won't comment on it.

I'm pretty sure that if Mrs. Hillbilly ever wanted to divorce, I'd wind up buried in a shallow grave in the woods instead.


Now for an observation....
You said that she agreed to let the silly season pass before she acted, and then she "blindsided" you by not doing what she said she would do.
Think about that. She didn't keep her word.....

1) Seek legal council. ASAP.
2) God gave you one mouth that closes and two ears that don't. Use them.

Good luck and Godspeed.

 

[williamlayton]

Mine would not even bury me, just leave me in the yard---no jury in Texas would convict her.

I have never been thru a divorce---I know they are not civil. A lawyer who has hisownself for a client has a fool for a client---is the only advice I can give by way of refrence from those who have been there and done that.
Cover your backside---it is a dirty game.
Blessings

 

[Engineer1911]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What they said, I can add nothing and have no disagreements with their posts based on my divorce experience. Find a divorce lawyer based on personal recommendations. It won't be cheap and child support is not tax deductible but will be payable for 17 years.

 

[litenlarry]

Expect the worse..
I had a buddy go thru 2 years of living hell..His wife was a professional liar, she dreamed up so much stuff that wasn't true..She told the cofs he pointed a gun at her, not true, but he had to take all the guns out of the house..So there went his FFL license..Long story short, he got full custody of the 2 children, house, cars, belongings..It came out in court that she had made it all up..Little consolation for him having spent attorney fees of 70 grand..Yep he was in court every month or so,

 

[David LaPell]

I have never been through a divorce, and I hope to never go through one, put I watched my parents when they went through their divorce. It was messy and they both destroyed themselves in the process and most of the family with them. In the end the only one's who made money were the attorneys. What I can tell you as a child who watched their parents self destruct their lives, the toughest this will be on, is your child. If he is only a year or two old he might not remember, but I can remember when my parents split up, my son was just about to turn two years old and my father walked away from him and the rest of the family and for the longest time (since my father drove a tractor trailer) my son thought anyone driving one was his "Grandpa". So you have to remember, your son is the one who is really going to suffer in this, kids always do when it comes to a divorce no matter who is at fault, who ends up where and with what.

 

[Brian41]

I went through one and no children involved so should have been painless. Not so as people change during one and quite a battle can start. In the end I let my lawyer handle things and he did well for me.
I wish you luck and get a good lawyer that doesn't mind having to get down and dirty for his clients.

 

[joeintexas]

As the others have said, CYA! And always remember the kids had nothing to do with this, keep them number one with you always and try to make it as painless for them as possible, assure them you are still their father and will always be there for them. Good luck with this, thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[petepeterson]

Good luck with all of this. None of it is fun for anyone.

Do not move out of your house! Nothing will hurt your case for custody more than that.

PM sent.

 

[jaykellogg]

My divorce is a textbook case of what can go wrong will go wrong. Expect your wife to lie about you and expect court decisions that you consider unfair.

The best advice I can give is find a lawyer who only does divorces. Just because someone is a lawyer doesn't mean he (or she) is any good at it. Some do not pursue things in a timely manner, some let details drop. As others said try and get references.

 

[Faulkner]

A civil divorce, that's an interesting thought. I'm thinking if a couple could be civil with one another wouldn't they just stay married?

I've been happily married for 30 years so I can't give any divorce advice. As a cop I've hauled plenty of divorcing people to jail just because they decided to be mean to someone they once vowed enternal love.

 

[fat tom]

Just like fingerprints. Every one is different. BE PREPARED! I've seen too many friends who weren't. Good luck,you'll need it.
f.t.

 

[BrianE]

A civil divorce, that's an interesting thought. I'm thinking if a couple could be civil with one another wouldn't they just stay married?

You'd be surprised how many people make better "friends" than life partners. And there's nothing wrong with that, especially when kids are involved.

 

[BrianE]

All states are different as well as you're circumstances. Just be smart, use common sense, utilize your lawyer, don't move out until the court tells you, kids number 1, no violence, stay calm cool and collected. Watch money, keep things documented.

It's mostly common sense as things you'd cover when you think anyone's screwing you over.

Don't trust her!

Good luck brotha!

 

[pharmer]

Be aware that many divorce lawyers routinely file for an "order for protection from domestic violence." Even if you have been mr nice guy without a hint of hostility, this can complicate your life in a way that is not easily fixed. I've been through 2 divorces way back and having lost half, twice can make life tough. Best wishes in this tough time. Joe

 

[litenlarry]

The divorce I was speaking of, in addition to lying about him pointing a gun at her, she claimed that he raped her as well..The sheriff's deputy that came to the house to collect his underwear was a close friend, their children were friends and had sleepovers..What an embarrasment, they took him to jail and he had to post bond..There was sex, but it was consensual..What ever you do, don't fall into that trap...

 

[kamloops67]

first thing i want to say is sorry i didnt work.
positive stories? i dont know if there are any...
my parents split when i was 6 both remarried to spouses that already had kids-what a mess .i moved off the farm the first chance i had at 17.
i felt abandoned and harboured a grudge against my father that has only diminished in the last few years.
my father wouldnt pay child support because he figured the "new guy" should pay to play.
i guess, if i were to give any advice, i would say be careful of your actions and words. people are watching you and theyre going to remember for a long time.
positive: my father seems happy with his "new" family (he remarried in '80) he didnt bother even phoning his grandson again this christmas.

 

[Marine Corps Air]

Brandon,

I don't disagree with the responses that you have already received from other forum members. This is certainly a good start as this is "uncharted territory" for you. I've been through about a dozen of these proceedings with my own tax clients, and with friends. The best final outcomes resulted from those who keep their cool and kept it civil throughout the process.

Here's my take:

1. I agree with using the Internet. It's a great source for information, although it may not always be correct or reliable;

2. Utah is not a "community property" state, so that is not a consideration for you;

3. As others have already stated, be sure that you're not "outgunned" with your attorney, compared to hers. You need one that has the skills, knowledge, and experience to satisfactorily resolve cases like yours, in your favor, whenever possible;

4. Attorneys are not motivated towards an early resolution of issues/final divorce decree. The longer that the proceedings drag on the wealthier that they become;

5. Be sure to consult with a good CPA/tax preparer before your divorce is final. Most attorneys can't spell "taxes" or "CPA". Almost all divorces will have income tax implications for both of you, especially if you have filed a joint tax return in the past;

6. Document everything that has or will occur from this point forward. Written documentation is the strongest evidence in legal proceedings. Use it to your advantage!

7. As best that you can, keep it friendly throughout the entire process. You have everything to gain, especially financially and insofar as visitation rights with your son are concerned. Last year I had two clients who had to agree to amend/modify their final divorce decree eleven months after the fact. They were not acrimonious during the divorce process. They each saved almost $5,000 in income taxes;

8. Talk with other relatives, friends, co-workers, etc whom you trust. They may have information or knowledge which you can use to your advantage.

I hope that the information in this post may help you in some way.

 

[SweetMK]

Three divorces in our "close" family.
(Close enough for us to watch the details)

In all three cases, the couple eventually got back together.

In all three cases, the couple lost a fortune of money.

Make sure you can not make it work, no matter what you "think" it might cost.

Making it work is cheaper than a divorce.

Every divorce we have seen ruins the couples future, all savings are plowed into lawyers.

Sorry for your situation.