Sir, do you have a photo of your wife

[oldman45]

A guy is sitting in his living room watching TV when he notices a Police car pull up in front of his house.
The Sheriff and his deputy come up and knock on the front door. He answers the door and the Sheriff says , are you Mr. Smith? Yes, he says. Are you married, sir? Yes I am, replies Mr. Smith.
Would you happen to have a picture of your wife, sir?
Yes I do, says Mr. Smith.
Would you mind getting it and showing it to us. No problem, gents. He goes into the living room and returns with her picture and hands it to the Sheriff.
A very serious look comes across the Sheriff's face and he looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith but it looks like your wife was run over by a truck".
Mr. Smith replies, "I know, but she has a great personality and is a fantastic cook" !!!

 

[flgolfer29]

Hahaha, that's funny right there now!

joe

 

[Jst1mr]

Does she have a sister?

 

[Steve in Vermont]

You've been watching the old comedys on TV again, haven't you?
Do you remember who said "Yea gads, who put the Lemonade in my Lemonade?". And why he said it? If you know the answer you're a senior citizen.

 

[yaktamer]

You've been watching the old comedys on TV again, haven't you?
Do you remember who said "Yea gads, who put the Lemonade in my Lemonade?". And why he said it? If you know the answer you're a senior citizen.

I'm not, but I'll guess. Jack Benny?

 

[yaktamer]

Reminds me of the old joke about the cops making the death notification: "Ma'am, are you the widow Jones?"

 

[arjay]

W.C. Fields?

 

[pharris]

I'm guessing WC Fields on the lemonade

 

[Wyatt Burp]

You've been watching the old comedys on TV again, haven't you?
Do you remember who said "Yea gads, who put the Lemonade in my Lemonade?". And why he said it? If you know the answer you're a senior citizen.

I thought it was orange juice and was W.C. Fields. The reason was he drank booze, vodka I think, and told people it was orange juice. One day he was surprised that someone took him literally and actually gave him OJ. If I'm right it's because I know lots of usless excrement, not 'cause i'm old. 55 isn't old, is it?!!

 

[Class III]

I know lots of usless excrement, not 'cause i'm old. 55 isn't old, is it?!!

Older than ME (But not by much)

Class III

 

[OFT II]

Does she have a sister?

Yeah, but she's married. To me.

 

[Steve in Vermont]

I thought it was orange juice and was W.C. Fields. The reason was he drank booze, vodka I think, and told people it was orange juice. One day he was surprised that someone took him literally and actually gave him OJ. If I'm right it's because I know lots of usless excrement, not 'cause i'm old. 55 isn't old, is it?!!

Bingo. I believe it was lemonade and his drink of choice was gin. According to an interview with Mae West they substituted straight lemonade for the gin-laced drink and, when they filmed the scene, he made that statement. If memory serves I remember him saying lemonade but I'll have to do some research to make sure, and if it was vodka or gin.

 

[johnsonl]

Does she have a sister?

Most likely she has a friend that is uglier/fatter/nastier than she is to make her look/seem prettier and nicer!

 

[moosedog]

Good one, I can always use a good laugh.

Back when they put missing children on milk cartons, one of my friends had a hat that said
"Happiness is seeing your wife's picture on a milk carton". Some how he is still married.

 

[cussedemgun]

55 isn't old, is it?!!

Absolutely NOT - - - if you're a tree

 

[oldman45]

Heck, I take my wife squirrel hunting to save on ammo. Shotgun shells are expensive. She just looks really hard at a squirrel and uglies it to death. We used to take her mother but she tore up the meat too bad.

 

[Trooperdan]

Heck, I take my wife squirrel hunting to save on ammo. Shotgun shells are expensive. She just looks really hard at a squirrel and uglies it to death. We used to take her mother but she tore up the meat too bad.

Oy Vey!

 

[Cyrano]

I remember hearing that it was tomato juice, not lemonade, but whoever told it to me may have been wrong.

 

[oldman45]

I remember hearing that it was tomato juice, not lemonade, but whoever told it to me may have been wrong.

I looked this up since I had never hear it. According to various sources, it was W.C. Fields and he asked if someone had put pineapple juice in his pineapple juice.

 

[joeintexas]

Heck, I take my wife squirrel hunting to save on ammo. Shotgun shells are expensive. She just looks really hard at a squirrel and uglies it to death. We used to take her mother but she tore up the meat too bad.

Man that's funny!! Brutal, but funny.