THANKSGIVING DINNER RANT

chief38

chief38

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This year because of Covid19 we had a very small dinner. There were 6 of us including my wife and I. My brother brought over his long time live with GF and is a pleasant and sociable woman.

We had the traditional TG diner with all the trimmings, appetizers, deserts, extras etc, and as everyone knows preparing, serving and cleaning up is a major pain in the butt!

5 out of the 6 people here this evening all chipped in to lend a hand, except my Brother's GF. She sat in her chair the entire time she was here except to go to the bath room or to pour another glass of wine for herself. Even my wife said something to me and she is never a complainer.

So like good hosts we did not come down on her or my brother (this time), but next year I will either insist we go to my brothers house or "prep them" with the idea that the chairs do not have glue on them!

OK rant over! PS, the food was excellent and as usual I ate too much! :o
 
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She failed the family test. Hope your brother is smart enough to know she isn't marriage material...... oh wait, you did say long time live in; never mind:cool:
 
Since she's your brother's "long time live with girlfriend," I'm gonna make a leap and say this isn't the first family dinner you've attended together. If I'm wrong, then just quit reading here. I'm pretty sure I'm right, since you describer her as "pleasant and sociable . . . " If I'm right, unless her behavior this time was an aberration from previous family get togethers, you should have expected it . . .
 
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You need to set expectations up front......how is she to know your invitation meant she had to clean up.....when guests come to my home I have no expectation that they bring anything or help serve or clean up.....I am called the host and they my guests. If you expected something from her why not just ask her if she could do a chore.....you hit it right on the head....you should have prepped your brother and/or her that your invite was conditional....just my two cents.
 
chief38 said:
.... and as everyone knows preparing, serving and cleaning up is a major pain in the butt!
Click to expand...
I've never felt that way about any part of inviting guests for a meal.
Hubby and I are a well oiled machine when it comes to hosting holiday meals. I'm in charge of the food, and he's in charge of setup and breakdown.
We really love hosting meals and
just want guests to relax and enjoy.


Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
 
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Muss Muggins said:
Since she's your brother's "long time live with girlfriend," I'm gonna make a leap and say this isn't the first family dinner you've attended together. If I'm wrong, then just quit reading here. I'm pretty sure I'm right, since you describer her as "pleasant and sociable . . . " If I'm right, unless her behavior this time was an aberration from previous family get togethers, you should have expected it . . .
Click to expand...

This is really the first time she was here for a full dinner. He has been living with her for two+ years but my brother and I are not very close and we only see each other a few times per year. This year because of Covid, only once. No real problems between us - we are just two different people in many ways and after his bitter divorce many years ago we drifted apart.
 
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My bad. We have different definitions of "long time live with . . . "

chief38 said:
This is really the first time she was here for dinner. He has been living with her for two+ years but my brother and I are not very close and we only see each other a few times per year. This year because of Covid, only once. No real problems between us - we are just two different people in many ways and after his bitter divorce many years ago we drifted apart.
Click to expand...
 
The funny thing is that my brother helped out throughout the evening - maybe he was compensating for her lack of consideration - who knows.

She felt fine BTW, laughing and conversing all night in good spirits - I think she was raised in am environment that had domestic help and that behavior could just be "normal" for her upbringing. My wife and I were raised that when we are in someones home for dinner we should at least offer to help out - which we do unless the host insists that we do not. STILL..... when you see everyone else pitching in, you would think she'd get off her butt a little. She did absolutely nothing all evening - I'd like to be a fly on the wall in my brothers house and she how she acts there.

Last December we had a huge New Years Eve party (to celebrate the completion of my Lionel Train Layout that took 25 years to complete) at my house (34 guests) and we had it catered and had paid professionals doing all that was necessary - no one was expected or asked to assist - including my wife and I.
 
Well, one thing is you don't have to have her over very often, if ever. Maybe the wine slowed her down a little mixed with the turkey sedative. If football was on, maybe the two lamest games ever drug her down completely! Just remember this at Christmas if yinz get together. Just 4 of us at my house, plus a 96# Weimaraner-floor-cleaning-machine. It was all good here. Chalk this one up to experience.
 
This is sorta an aside, but we took advantage of COVID for this year's Thanksgiving. We usually attend a massive family dinner. My parents hosted it for 50 years, averaging 40 or so family members with a high of 53 one year. She quit after dad died, and a cousin took over. With our daughter at college and not coming home, an 84 year old mother in law and an 80 year old mother, we peace outed early on the family dinner. Yesterday, it was just me, my wife, and our son. Very peaceful day.

The Lutherans smoked us a mighty fine turkey breast for $25, I made up some sides and a pumpkin pie in the morning while everyone was still asleep. When everything was pretty much ready, wife asked if I was in a hurry to eat, which I wasn't, so she took a plate to the local mother in law and picked up a couple traditional sides that she always makes. Gave her the opportunity for the daughter to FaceTime with her grandma.

Relaxed in the afternoon, drank some beer, watched some football and The Andy Griffith Show marathon, worked a puzzle with the family, warmed up leftovers for supper along with some brats that the Lutherans also cooked, ate some pie, and went to bed.

When everybody is already stressed out, no need to make everybody even more stressed out by feeding people you don't really like. I been wanting to get out of the family dinner ever since mom quit hosting, because I don't see eye to eye with many of them. Now, with the chain broken, I may not have to see them again . .
 
I don't know about you guys, but when I start slipping into the bathroom to pour myself another glass of wine...I'm done.

A corpse moves more, just how it is. :o

And as some here pointed out, they tend to actually get offended when guests try to (get in the way) help out, well meaning of them or not.

Anyway, sounds like you all had a wonderful dinner on Thanksgiving and the rest is really small stuff IMO.
 
She could have at least asked if she could help, that would be the proper thing to do.

When my mother in law was alive, we would all get together with my brother in law and sister in law and their spouses. My brother in law and his "queen for the day" would never offer to help and would basically just come late or last minute and eat and run.
My sister in law had her own set of personality disorders and was a drama queen. Holidays actually became stressful.
Now that the children have all grown up, we don't waste our time with them anymore and instead spend time with friends who we enjoy being with.
Good luck.
 
Every family has one or two that never bring food, help cook, setup, cleanup and then always want to take the leftovers home. In my family we call them the Danial's family lol!
 
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