The Good wife's guide (hilarious!)
- Thread starter Smithfan
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slowburninsteve
Member
I think the whole problem started when women decided they wanted to be men!!!
Bassamatic
US Veteran
Ah, the 50's.
And I thought that there were only two rules...
1) show up nekid
2) bring beer and food
1) show up nekid
2) bring beer and food
Capt Steve
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Move to Pakistan as this is how the Taliban see women. Don't get me wrong, I loved the humor due to its absurdity but how far were these attitudes from the 50's from the radical Islam of today? If you have guns in the house do you really want the Mrs seeing this? (o;
HOUSTON RICK
Member
My wife read a different book:
The Hag's Guide
* No matter how many 24 hour shifts the EXPLETIVE DELETED has done, whenever he gets home ask him what the EXPLETIVE DELETED he is going to make you and the kids and your mother for dinner. No matter what he prepares - DO NOT under any circumstances fail to complain about what he makes or how he makes it. whatever you do - do not help with cleaning the kitchen. you went in the kitchen to eat, after all, and no more could be expected of you.
* Prepare yourself. Shove Bon-Bons, chocolate bars and Cinnabons down your throat. Leave the wrappers on the coffee table covering the remote. Do not take your schizophrenia meds.
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. Remind him of the larger house he owes you and all the nice things that it is your right to get, but that he has failed to buy for you. Think of new needless expenditures and demand them.
* Clear away the clutter. Find anything that belongs to your husband and throw it in the trash or donate it to charity.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables, and throw them away, so that you can buy new ones tomorrow.
* Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Use his favorite clothing or book as kindling.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes with the children's hands and faces (if they are small), ruffle their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes to rags. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Maximize all noise. At the time of his arrival, start all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be screaming, beat them if necessary.
* Be happy to see him cringe in agony.
* Greet him with a glance of absolute hatred in your desire to watch him die - soon.
* Listen to him. Complain about everything he says and how much better your sister's deceased husband was.
* Make him wish the evening was his last. Never fail to complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Just never fail to complain - ever. Instead, try to magnify his world of strain and pressure and deny at all costs his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make your home a place of suffering, aggravation and depression where your husband can realize that death is the only escape and even Hell sounds like a vacation resort.
* Don't fail to greet him with litanies of with endless complaints and imaginary problems.
* Don't fail to complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night, or even if he is on time. It is his duty to be home with you greedily carving a year off his life every hour, being out away from you will prolong his life and postpone your life insurance proceeds.
* Make him uncomfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom, then immediately call him to do something strenuous if not impossible. Always have a difficult or impossible task ready for him.
* Arrange his will and increase his life insurance. Speak in a harsh, shrill and cackling voice that shatters glass.
* Don't fail to ask him irritating questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Complain about WHAT, HOW ,WHERE, and WHY he does every last thing that he does. Remember, They will take the life insurance money away if you shoot, poison or stab them, but nag them to death and you go free to the Galleria.
*Never let him choose what radio station or TV channel is on when you around - even if you have 5 TVs and are not in the room.
*Never tell him where you want to go to dinner. Make him guess, and compalin about each guess - even if he chooses where you want to go.
*Never use a toilet without clogging it, and never unclog it, save that task for him.
* A good wife always knows her place - on throne built of the charred skulls of dozens of dead husbands.
The Hag's Guide
* No matter how many 24 hour shifts the EXPLETIVE DELETED has done, whenever he gets home ask him what the EXPLETIVE DELETED he is going to make you and the kids and your mother for dinner. No matter what he prepares - DO NOT under any circumstances fail to complain about what he makes or how he makes it. whatever you do - do not help with cleaning the kitchen. you went in the kitchen to eat, after all, and no more could be expected of you.
* Prepare yourself. Shove Bon-Bons, chocolate bars and Cinnabons down your throat. Leave the wrappers on the coffee table covering the remote. Do not take your schizophrenia meds.
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. Remind him of the larger house he owes you and all the nice things that it is your right to get, but that he has failed to buy for you. Think of new needless expenditures and demand them.
* Clear away the clutter. Find anything that belongs to your husband and throw it in the trash or donate it to charity.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables, and throw them away, so that you can buy new ones tomorrow.
* Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Use his favorite clothing or book as kindling.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes with the children's hands and faces (if they are small), ruffle their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes to rags. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Maximize all noise. At the time of his arrival, start all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be screaming, beat them if necessary.
* Be happy to see him cringe in agony.
* Greet him with a glance of absolute hatred in your desire to watch him die - soon.
* Listen to him. Complain about everything he says and how much better your sister's deceased husband was.
* Make him wish the evening was his last. Never fail to complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Just never fail to complain - ever. Instead, try to magnify his world of strain and pressure and deny at all costs his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make your home a place of suffering, aggravation and depression where your husband can realize that death is the only escape and even Hell sounds like a vacation resort.
* Don't fail to greet him with litanies of with endless complaints and imaginary problems.
* Don't fail to complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night, or even if he is on time. It is his duty to be home with you greedily carving a year off his life every hour, being out away from you will prolong his life and postpone your life insurance proceeds.
* Make him uncomfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom, then immediately call him to do something strenuous if not impossible. Always have a difficult or impossible task ready for him.
* Arrange his will and increase his life insurance. Speak in a harsh, shrill and cackling voice that shatters glass.
* Don't fail to ask him irritating questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Complain about WHAT, HOW ,WHERE, and WHY he does every last thing that he does. Remember, They will take the life insurance money away if you shoot, poison or stab them, but nag them to death and you go free to the Galleria.
*Never let him choose what radio station or TV channel is on when you around - even if you have 5 TVs and are not in the room.
*Never tell him where you want to go to dinner. Make him guess, and compalin about each guess - even if he chooses where you want to go.
*Never use a toilet without clogging it, and never unclog it, save that task for him.
* A good wife always knows her place - on throne built of the charred skulls of dozens of dead husbands.
Bassamatic
US Veteran
Is that true...or what.
badam0112
Member
Originally posted by HOUSTON RICK:
My wife read a different book:
The Hag's Guide
* No matter how many 24 hour shifts the EXPLETIVE DELETED has done, whenever he gets home ask him what the EXPLETIVE DELETED he is going to make you and the kids and your mother for dinner. No matter what he prepares - DO NOT under any circumstances fail to complain about what he makes or how he makes it. whatever you do - do not help with cleaning the kitchen. you went in the kitchen to eat, after all, and no more could be expected of you.
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. Remind him of the larger house he owes you and all the nice things that it is your right to get, but that he has failed to buy for you. Think of new needless expenditures and demand them.
* Listen to him. Complain about everything he says and how much better your sister's deceased husband was.
* Make him wish the evening was his last. Never fail to complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Just never fail to complain - ever. Instead, try to magnify his world of strain and pressure and deny at all costs his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make your home a place of suffering, aggravation and depression where your husband can realize that death is the only escape and even Hell sounds like a vacation resort.
* Don't fail to greet him with litanies of with endless complaints and imaginary problems.
* Don't fail to ask him irritating questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Complain about WHAT, HOW ,WHERE, and WHY he does every last thing that he does. Remember, They will take the life insurance money away if you shoot, poison or stab them, but nag them to death and you go free to the Galleria.
*Never tell him where you want to go to dinner. Make him guess, and complain about each guess - even if he chooses where you want to go.
I think we have a copy of this book at my house.
Originally posted by HOUSTON RICK:
My wife read a different book:
The Hag's Guide
* No matter how many 24 hour shifts the EXPLETIVE DELETED has done, whenever he gets home ask him what the EXPLETIVE DELETED he is going to make you and the kids and your mother for dinner. No matter what he prepares - DO NOT under any circumstances fail to complain about what he makes or how he makes it. whatever you do - do not help with cleaning the kitchen. you went in the kitchen to eat, after all, and no more could be expected of you.
* Prepare yourself. Shove Bon-Bons, chocolate bars and Cinnabons down your throat. Leave the wrappers on the coffee table covering the remote. Do not take your schizophrenia meds.
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. Remind him of the larger house he owes you and all the nice things that it is your right to get, but that he has failed to buy for you. Think of new needless expenditures and demand them.
* Clear away the clutter. Find anything that belongs to your husband and throw it in the trash or donate it to charity.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables, and throw them away, so that you can buy new ones tomorrow.
* Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Use his favorite clothing or book as kindling.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes with the children's hands and faces (if they are small), ruffle their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes to rags. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Maximize all noise. At the time of his arrival, start all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be screaming, beat them if necessary.
* Be happy to see him cringe in agony.
* Greet him with a glance of absolute hatred in your desire to watch him die - soon.
* Listen to him. Complain about everything he says and how much better your sister's deceased husband was.
* Make him wish the evening was his last. Never fail to complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Just never fail to complain - ever. Instead, try to magnify his world of strain and pressure and deny at all costs his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make your home a place of suffering, aggravation and depression where your husband can realize that death is the only escape and even Hell sounds like a vacation resort.
* Don't fail to greet him with litanies of with endless complaints and imaginary problems.
* Don't fail to complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night, or even if he is on time. It is his duty to be home with you greedily carving a year off his life every hour, being out away from you will prolong his life and postpone your life insurance proceeds.
* Make him uncomfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom, then immediately call him to do something strenuous if not impossible. Always have a difficult or impossible task ready for him.
* Arrange his will and increase his life insurance. Speak in a harsh, shrill and cackling voice that shatters glass.
* Don't fail to ask him irritating questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Complain about WHAT, HOW ,WHERE, and WHY he does every last thing that he does. Remember, They will take the life insurance money away if you shoot, poison or stab them, but nag them to death and you go free to the Galleria.
*Never let him choose what radio station or TV channel is on when you around - even if you have 5 TVs and are not in the room.
*Never tell him where you want to go to dinner. Make him guess, and compalin about each guess - even if he chooses where you want to go.
*Never use a toilet without clogging it, and never unclog it, save that task for him.
* A good wife always knows her place - on throne built of the charred skulls of dozens of dead husbands.
Time to find 1 of the following, a good lawyer or a good hitman. Flip a coin if you're having trouble deciding.
Remember, there is NO alimony with the second choice ...
Bekeart
CAJUNLAWYER
Member
Fixed for ya big guy
If you really believe that, then I suspect you aren't old enough to remember the 50s, or remember what it actually was like then. Or perhaps your views of that era were formed by 'Leave It To Beaver' or something similarly inane.
There may not have been a formalized feminist movement in those days, but believe me, it also was not remotely like the idealized piece I posted, which came from a women's magazine from the UK.
Bill
7.62foryou
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May 13, 1955 almost 1 year to the day after I was born. AHHH the good ole days when America was the greatest place to live!
Got go my wife's coming!
Capt Steve
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"There may not have been a formalized feminist movement in those days, but believe me, it also was not remotely like the idealized piece I posted, which came from a women's magazine from the UK."
"I loved the humor due to its absurdity"
We are saying the same thing. People comment, and I hope it is with humor, that the world described in the article would be a good thing. This is how Radical Islam sees and treats women today.
"I loved the humor due to its absurdity"
We are saying the same thing. People comment, and I hope it is with humor, that the world described in the article would be a good thing. This is how Radical Islam sees and treats women today.
Think I'll send this to my ex. She couldn't boil water without burning it.
