Things That Go BUMP In The Night!

Stargater

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It was a new house and every room was filled with boxes. And it was their first night in it. It was 2:36 a.m. when Rodney's wife awakened him and whispered urgently in his ear, "Someone's downstairs!" Rodney stirred and rolled half way around in bed. He had spent the day moving into his spacious house and was dead to the world.

Who would break in then?

"You're hearing things," he replied. His wife was, if anything, vigilant, but sometimes she fretted over things she shouldn't. Pipes, the house settling. It was always something that could be explained away, but then he heard it. Something was distinctly moving downstairs. He was instantly awake. Whatever had made the noise was now stirring and moving through the boxes. And what was worse, they had not yet unpacked his Dan Wesson .357 Magnum--the same gun he'd used to kill a charging mountain lion months earlier. Now he felt defenseless. Damn, he thought. What kind of crook would break into a house in the middle of the night which still had unpacked boxes in every room?

He slipped out of bed and grabbed the baseball bat he had placed next to the bed. His wife was clutching him as he moved towards the door. "What are you going to do?" she said. The cell phone was downstairs charging and there was no way to call 911.

"You stay here," he said, and broke free from her grasp. He moved out into the hall and towards the stairs. He could barely see, but he stopped, listened and moved on. Nothing. Then, as he got to the top of the stairs, he again heard the sound of movement. Clutching the bat in his left hand, he moved quietly down the steps, his back against the wall. The sound stopped. So did Rodney, but then he quietly proceeded down the steps until he reached the bottom. Boxes were everywhere, and he didn't even have a flashlight. He waited, then continued. Turning, he began to move towards his study. That's when he saw the man standing there in the door of the downstairs bathroom, about two feet from him in darkness. Lashing out, he instinctively struck a savage blow to the man's face....

...and hit the full-length mirror on the door. Screaming in pain, he pulled back his bloodied hand and dropped the bat, cursing every god known to mortal man. At the same time, he saw his panicked cat, streaking across the floor towards and up the stairs at full speed.

The rest of the night was spent with Rodney's wife removing shards of glass from his battered hand. It was months before he could see the humor of the situation, though his wife had to explain the injury to friends, always in painstaking detail. The following day Rodney retrieved the box with his Dan Wesson in it and put it in the drawer of his nightstand.

He never did replace that damn mirror.

True story.

The moral is, if you hear something at night, stay where you are, unless you have children; then collect them as discreetly as possible, moving them to a central area. Then lock the door and, if you have a gun, keep it trained on the door with your finger off the trigger. As my old gun instructor, years ago, used to say, it's better to die yourself than to kill a loved one accidentally. And many people have done that. Just weeks before he gave me that advice, a man nearly shot his son who came home early from college. Fortunately, he'd just read a story by Massad Ayoob about ensconcing one's self behind a door with a gun, and he kept his finger off the trigger. As a result, he didn't shoot his son, but he did give him a stern talking to.

My friend Rodney saved himself once with his Dan Wesson, but he assumed no one would break into his house in a nice part of town on the day he moved in. Bad assumption. It turns out he was right this time...it was the cat. But he could have just as easily been WRONG. But regardless of whether he was right or wrong, going downstairs was the wrong decision at the wrong time. He should have stayed where he was and let the culprit come to him, whether it was a bad guy or the cat. ۞

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The moral is, if you hear something at night, stay where you are, unless you have children; then collect them as discreetly as possible, moving them to a central area.

I hear someone inside my home in the dead of night, so I'm going to start moving kids and wife around in the dark, heading towards some central location...not knowing where the intruder is, or if it's only one intruder?

I can't go along with that course of action.
 
Why I like having a good size dog. My 75# Airedale will investigate any noise out of the norm & alert me accordingly, if I don't also hear it.
 
Reminds me of a couple of incidents years ago as a uniformed cop:

1. Responding to a burglar alarm at a large department store, two of us went in with a manager. Manager went to turn on the lights while we took positions to observe and cover exits. Lights came on, including power to a man-sized Santa Claus twisting and turning while raising a bottle of Coca Cola. I don't think I had more than 10 or 12 lbs pressure on the trigger before I realized what the movement was.

2. Found a door kicked in on a church. Two of us entered, crossing the lobby area toward the sanctuary. Other cop bumped against a 6-foot statue of Jesus, and it started wobbling slowly and making "thump, thump" noises like footsteps in the dark. Yeah, I almost did it again.
 
SCROOGE.

Reminds me of a couple of incidents years ago as a uniformed cop:

1. Responding to a burglar alarm at a large department store, two of us went in with a manager. Manager went to turn on the lights while we took positions to observe and cover exits. Lights came on, including power to a man-sized Santa Claus twisting and turning while raising a bottle of Coca Cola. I don't think I had more than 10 or 12 lbs pressure on the trigger before I realized what the movement was.

2. Found a door kicked in on a church. Two of us entered, crossing the lobby area toward the sanctuary. Other cop bumped against a 6-foot statue of Jesus, and it started wobbling slowly and making "thump, thump" noises like footsteps in the dark. Yeah, I almost did it again.

YOU SHOT SANTA? Then tried to double down on JESUS? TOO FUNNY. :D A sure way to make the naughty list & forever get your shoes squeezed by other cops. :)
 
It's very funny, of course, but my reaction, not to put a damper on the humor was, "ARE YOU KDDING ME??!!" I moved into the rent house after the fire last Spring and the first things I did were get a gun and a flashlight for the bedroom - from day one!
 
BURGALED ONCE MULTIPLE ATTEMPTS...

Growing up we had the burglars dream house. Easy parking close by that would attract no attention any day/any time, able to get in/out without being seen, a sliding glass door in the basement, no alarms or motion detectors (early 70's). 2 dogs, 5 people & nobody heard anything. When caught, he may have been a junkie but he was pretty good hitting >300 homes in a few months. He didn't fear dogs & was prepared to deal with them, poisoned 1 ( he survived)& closed the other in the laundry room. I'd have to assume he was ready to deal with any human occupants as well. He didn't make noise or make any bumps in the night. A NO GUN home, it wouldn't have helped as we ALL slept thru it.
 
The OP's story reminds me of waking from a sound sleep at 1am to the sound of breaking glass from the downstairs of our house. Long story short - it turned out that a kitchen shelf loaded with crystal stemware failed and fell. I was sure someone was in the house and went room to room then downstairs (after waiting very quietly in bed listening for what seemed like forever) with flashlight and gun in hand. Talk about being amped up!! I cleaned up glass for more than an hour in the very early am...I sure wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep with all the adrenaline flowing.
 
Actually, the real name is Rodney. When I typed the story, I put the name "Earl," but afterwards remembered the real name was Rodney, who's since passed. So I changed most of the names, but guess I missed one.

Rodney met us for dinner shortly after the story happened. He had his hand all bandaged. He didn't have time to even use the bat; he just lashed out with his hand.
 
After getting home very late, the off duty officer heard a bump in the night! It woke him from a sound sleep! And THERE in the room was a man standing by the closet! He reached inside the headboard and pulled out a Model 10 and took aim and started to squeeze the trigger. Fortunately, he woke the rest of the way up. The man in the room was a man-sized silhouette target he placed there to show the family that he had won the 1st National Championship Police Combat match! The other side of that closet was my then 12 year old wife's bed!

Me moved the bedroom revolver to a dresser drawer, that he had to get out of bed to access!

I let this almost tragedy become my warning, I never sleep in bed with a gun in arms reach! That policy kept all 4 of my kids alive, no mater what time they came home!

My brother was trying to sneak upstairs after a date, and heard dad's nightstand draw rattle and flipped on the lights rather than get shot! A month before, Dad shot at a mouse that had been in bed with him. Blew his furry rear end all over the bedroom chair and drapes. So that memory made my brother real careful!

Ivan
 
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