The iPhone was ringing. "Oh no!" I thought, it's my wife. "I'vegotaflattirethinkIhitacurbthewarningthingwentoffI'mstrandedatthemallinfrontoftheTargetyouaregoingtohavetocomegetmeandhurryI'vegotmoreshoppingtodo!"
"Woah there! Stop talking!" I responded. "I hit a curb and now the tire is flat!" She repeated. "OK, let me load up my stuff. It will take me about thirty-minutes to get here." was my reply. Of course it was raining and Friday afternoon and she is at the busiest place in Georgia. I am recovering from a Urinary Tract Infection and can't go more than twenty-minutes between toilet trips. I hung my head low.
Arriving at the perceived scene of the crime, I lowered my windows and started rubber-necking. My Australian Shepherd was accompanying me and thought we were on a search and rescue mission. It appears we are. In front of Target there are eight-million people walking to and fro, around my truck wearing Covid masks. It reminded me of a zombie apocalypse. Dark sky, rain and zombies surrounding me. Even the dog is intimidated and barking.
No wife in sight. "Hey Siri, call my wife, mobile." I yelled through the Bluetooth connection of my truck. She immediately answers "Where are you?" screaming on her Bluetooth thing too. Of course, my windows are down and I am broadcasting our conversation, through the truck's stereo speakers all over the Target's entrance.
"I don't see you! Where are you?" I cry. "Right behind you. Look around!" She yells jumping out of her car with her iPhone and not realizing you have to be in the car because the Bluetooth thing is still active. I can't hear her now, only garbled words. "Get back in the car!" I'm yelling to no effect and all the zombies are starting to stare at my truck.
Now she's really hot because she thinks I'm ignoring her. Tired of getting wet, she jumps back into the car and the Bluetooth thing starts working. "Be quiet a minute and let me talk!" I yell. "YOU BE QUIET! I'M TALKING! I CAN SEE YOU RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! TURN LEFT!" "I can't turn left! I'd be on the sidewalk of Target!" I respond.
"Just stop the truck and get out! I'm right behind you!" I do and only see a sea of vehicles and zombies. No wife anywhere. I'm holding up traffic and the dog is still barking at the zombies! I've got to pee like a Russian Race Horse. My knees are shaking!
I guess this went on for twenty-minutes as I'm driving around in circles. She is about to explode as she shouts out ridiculous instructions. All the zombies can hear the play-by-play action and I'm about to give it up. All the sudden I see her car. It's nowhere even close to where she is directing me. I pull up and she turns around. "Oh, I thought you were in that black truck way over there!" "Nope, I'm right here in this black truck!" and the dog is wagging his little tail. Mission accomplished!
Then I look at the rear of her SUV. The area over the spare is stacked to the ceiling with Christmas stuff! And, of course, it's still raining! "Watch all this, honey. I've gotta go find a restroom, badly!"
"Woah there! Stop talking!" I responded. "I hit a curb and now the tire is flat!" She repeated. "OK, let me load up my stuff. It will take me about thirty-minutes to get here." was my reply. Of course it was raining and Friday afternoon and she is at the busiest place in Georgia. I am recovering from a Urinary Tract Infection and can't go more than twenty-minutes between toilet trips. I hung my head low.
Arriving at the perceived scene of the crime, I lowered my windows and started rubber-necking. My Australian Shepherd was accompanying me and thought we were on a search and rescue mission. It appears we are. In front of Target there are eight-million people walking to and fro, around my truck wearing Covid masks. It reminded me of a zombie apocalypse. Dark sky, rain and zombies surrounding me. Even the dog is intimidated and barking.
No wife in sight. "Hey Siri, call my wife, mobile." I yelled through the Bluetooth connection of my truck. She immediately answers "Where are you?" screaming on her Bluetooth thing too. Of course, my windows are down and I am broadcasting our conversation, through the truck's stereo speakers all over the Target's entrance.
"I don't see you! Where are you?" I cry. "Right behind you. Look around!" She yells jumping out of her car with her iPhone and not realizing you have to be in the car because the Bluetooth thing is still active. I can't hear her now, only garbled words. "Get back in the car!" I'm yelling to no effect and all the zombies are starting to stare at my truck.
Now she's really hot because she thinks I'm ignoring her. Tired of getting wet, she jumps back into the car and the Bluetooth thing starts working. "Be quiet a minute and let me talk!" I yell. "YOU BE QUIET! I'M TALKING! I CAN SEE YOU RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! TURN LEFT!" "I can't turn left! I'd be on the sidewalk of Target!" I respond.
"Just stop the truck and get out! I'm right behind you!" I do and only see a sea of vehicles and zombies. No wife anywhere. I'm holding up traffic and the dog is still barking at the zombies! I've got to pee like a Russian Race Horse. My knees are shaking!
I guess this went on for twenty-minutes as I'm driving around in circles. She is about to explode as she shouts out ridiculous instructions. All the zombies can hear the play-by-play action and I'm about to give it up. All the sudden I see her car. It's nowhere even close to where she is directing me. I pull up and she turns around. "Oh, I thought you were in that black truck way over there!" "Nope, I'm right here in this black truck!" and the dog is wagging his little tail. Mission accomplished!
Then I look at the rear of her SUV. The area over the spare is stacked to the ceiling with Christmas stuff! And, of course, it's still raining! "Watch all this, honey. I've gotta go find a restroom, badly!"
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I'm already thinking of moving my bed into the bathroom.
