To old to safely drive, to hard and sad to call it quits.

[JOERM]

My father in law had a stroke about a year ago and it affected his right leg. He had to stop driving for about 3 months until he got things back together again. About 3-4 weeks ago he was driving and his leg went limp and he almost crashed into another rig or two. This happened a few days later once again. He then tossed the keys becase it scared the poop out of him. But he then had these remote control levers installed on his car, gas and break levers on the steering wheel. He cannot operate these either. At 86, he is doing fine but it just breaks his heart and my wifes and mine as well, that he has to give in. His car is his freedom. I can remember when my Great Uncle had to call it quits and no longer drive, it really tore him up. I guess it will get to me too but I think I have a few dozen years to worry about it.

Not sure if there are stats showing seniors crashing into things that should not be driving in the first place. I know a few that were parked in front of a store and when leaving hit the gas while in 1st gear instead of reverse. Crashed into the store window.

Are there any of you old folks here that need to toss the keys and just cannot face up to it??

JOe

 

[Bullet Bob]

Facing up to it is much much better than handling the injury to a loved one and/or the innocent person they hurt.

Personal experience speaking.

 

[ingmansinc]

My wife and I have a daughter who is a nurse and she has agreed to make the decision for us when it is time to hang up the keys. I ask her to do this for us and if I become anything short of grateful she will know how to handle that also. If I were to kill or injure another person I could not forgive myself.

Perhaps if your father-in-law lives close by you and your wife can include him in a weekend drive once in awhile.

 

[Douglas Haig]

Many communities have shuttles for seniors to take them places they need to go. Have you looked into this. He would at least be able to make his own choices about going to the store etc. without having to call a family member.

 

[Spotteddog]

One of the most difficult chores of being the grown up child of an elderly parent. No easy answers or words of wisdom came from having to do it twice, once with my own Dad, then a second time with my FIL. If your heart isn't in your throat a bit at the prospect, then your not a close enough loved one to have the job, and do it well.

 

[JOERM]

Originally posted by ingmansinc:
My wife and I have a daughter who is a nurse and she has agreed to make the decision for us when it is time to hang up the keys. I ask her to do this for us and if I become anything short of grateful she will know how to handle that also. If I were to kill or injure another person I could not forgive myself.

Perhaps if your father-in-law lives close by you and your wife can include him in a weekend drive once in awhile.

We live in Washington, he lives in Midwest City OK. we call all the time, but that's about all we can do. Joe

 

[DeathGrip]

This thread hits a little close to home,theres alot of decisions that must be made.I truly feel for anyone at this time.

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

Originally posted by Spotteddog:
One of the most difficult chores of being the grown up child of an elderly parent. No easy answers or words of wisdom came from having to do it twice, once with my own Dad, then a second time with my FIL. If your heart isn't in your throat a bit at the prospect, then your not a close enough loved one to have the job, and do it well.

Well put-I've got MIL, my mom & my dad to deal with-Mom & Dad are ok for now, but they are only in their mid 70's. MIL is in her mid 80's and is nuttier than a coot-it's truly heartbreaking to have to start taking away priviliges and watching them like children.

 

[Wickahoney]

My mom is 86. She lives in Boulder City, Nevada. There isn't much that isn't within 4 or 5 miles of her house. I finally convinced her that all could be reached by cab a lot easier, cheaper and quicker than she could by owning her own car and paying insurance etc.

Thankfully she did it on her own.

My mother in law is 87 and last week informed the wife that when her llicense expires this year, she will NOT be renewing it. She scares the me to death and I flat refuse to allow the wife to ride with her. "I've never been in a wreck in my life". NO but by golly I'd give a dollar for every one you have caused.

Out here where there are many many miles without a paved public road I should be safe for a while.

RWT

 

[BarbC]

I have a building filled with people like that. I came to work one day and one of the tiny ones met me in the parking lot to say she had hit one of the parked cars (on her driver's side of the lot

). She blamed it on "the ice". I looked at the dry ground and said, "What ice?" She said, "On my windshield - I couldn't see out."

Another time I saw the one who is very sick with all sorts of ailments and heavily medicated driving out of the lot with the blind one as her co-pilot. They were driving 20 minutes up the highway and down a looping country road to the Office of Aging. They did make it back. It wasn't long after that the driver started having black-out spells and hallucinations.

I brought in a speaker from the Traffic Safety Division who put on a multi-media presentation about the hazards older people face while driving (diminished eyesight, reflexes, medications, etc.) and when it's time to give up the keys.

Every one of them at the presentation believed someone else was the problem.

Here in PA you can call the police to report an unsafe driver and they will have to take a mandatory retest.

I just call their kids and let them know I am worried about their mom or dad.

 

[AKtinman]

A good sense of humor is a real asset when dealing with our elders on some of these serious issues.

My aunt is 93 and I have been living with her for the past 5 years. It wasn't quite the arrangement I had agreed to, but it is what happened.

When I moved down, she told me about some problems with her car. The dealer couldn't locate the trouble and she was quite frustrated. When we went for a test drive in her Lincoln, the puzzle was easy to solve. Since she is just over 4' tall on a good day (osteoporosis), she couldn't see over the steering wheel and was drifting onto the "wake-up strip" on the side of the highway, thus creating the noise she was complaining to the dealer about.

After some difficult discussion, she agreed to trade the Lincoln in on a smaller car, and ended up with a Malibu, which she was able to drive for the next two years.

She no longer drives, and claims she doesn't have a driver's license (valid for 3 more years) which is just as well. In her mind, her DL is just an ID card. Her giving up driving was not the struggle I had anticipated.

Our elders may not often express their thanks for our efforts to assist them, but in most cases, it is much appreciated.

 

[S/W - Lifer]

My mother-in-law, a most unpleasant woman, was losing her ability to be a safe driver. One day she turned her full size Olds station wagon into a Roman warship operating at ramming speed.

After the mess was cleaned up, she gave up driving. There was nothing left to drive, anyway.

I don't think anyone could have convinced her not to drive. Grim reality finally stepped in and that was it.

 

[USAF385]

My grandfather wound up heading the wrong direction on the expressway. (Scranton Expressway for anyone who may know NEPA) Luckily someone SOMEHOW managed to get him pulled over before anyone got hurt. My dad, aunts, and uncles sat him down and discussed him giving up driving, which he did.

He passed away in January at 89 yrs old. WWII Army Air Corps vet.

My Grandpa in a B-24 Liberator during WWII.

 

[Spotteddog]

That drive the wrong way probably didn't scare the man much, after doing Liberator missions 385!

 

[alde]

My wife had a stroke 12 years ago at the age of 48 from a blood clot that broke loose. She lost complete use of her left arm and most of the use of her left leg. It really hurt for her to lose her independance at 48. Her short term memory is starting to fail and she seems less able to do things all the time. It sure threw our plans for the future out the window. You just never know what life will bring.

As far as driving goes, she knew from the start that she would not be safe on the road. We did try one time but after a couple of minutes she pulled over and said I can't do this.

 

[oldfella]

I've decided to take it with me. I'm going to dig a big hole and when the time comes I'll just drive right in it... The End.

Pete

 

[rayb]

Old fellow has the right idea. Take it with you.

Since I don't live in town, I will ride a ******* when I can no longer drive.

Jackasses of one form or another, mostly employed by governments, have been trying to ride me much of my life, so turnabout will be fair play.

rayb

 

[Thicker]

My Father passed in March of this year. He was my mentor,my teacher and my friend. He taught me how to shoot and how to drive. He was a good teacher because I was accepted to sniper school while in the Army. When he got so old that his reflexes were no longer good ,He was wise enough to know he could not drive anymore. It broke my heart to see him not able to do something he did so well for decades.