Truths We Learn Through the Years

[BigBoy99]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

 

[Tom S.]

My favorite of the bunch:

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

 

[Breakaway500]

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

Yup..been there...recently..

 

[Lee's Landing Billy]

You can't trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

 

[Shooting Padre]

I learned it takes a big dog to eat a horse,

Because my head was pointed it didn't mean I was sharp,

The higher they fly the much,

Foremen and Clark weren't five guys, and...

Manual labor wasn't a Mexican hired hand.

 

[dave holl]

From Piet Hein, one of my favorite mathematicians/philosophers,

"The road to wisdom

Well, it's plain and simple to express.

Err and err, and err again, but

Less and less and less."

 

[Ron M.]

Never argue with an idiot, passerby's might not be able to tell the difference.

When an argument with your spouse ends up with her saying "fine", you know it ain't over yet.

Never try to teach a pig to whistle...you waste your time and annoy the pig.

Yes, and no, are generally good answers to questions. Don't go into specifics if there is no need to.

 

[Fishslayer]

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Then quit. No use bein' a dang fool about it.

 

[Ivan the Butcher]

An intervention by your friends, is much easier on you than a Devine Intervention!

Ivan

 

[shouldazagged]

Mickey Mantle: "If I'd known I'd live this long I would have taken better care of myself."

 

[Doug627]

Holding a grudge is harder on the one holding it than the one it is held against.

 

[Tyrod]

Women are wacky.

 

[peyton]

The statement "don't trust your dog to watch your sandwich" is certainly true. Last night my wife was pretty mad and the dogs when I called from Afghanistan. She set her plate down on the coffee table and went to get a drink. She came back to an empty plate!! She found the culprit, one of our dogs had mustard around his mouth!!

 

[Kanewpadle]

We come in, in diapers and we go out in diapers.

 

[ky wonder]

managing people is a lot like herding hogs,

you can lead them, but they cant be driven

 

[Cyrano]

"We get too soon old and too late smart". I'm 83; when does the smart kick in?

 

[V-35]

If I'm over the hill, How come I don't remember being at the top

Art

 

[kmyers]

When your better half claims to have a marble rolling pin as a mate motivator...believe it!

 

[STCM(SW)]

If this is my GOLDEN years, why don't I have that much gold?
But i'm still walking, that has to be better then the alternative I think..

 

[steelslaver]

A piping foreman: Welders are like chain. You can drag them, but you can't push them.