Over the past 30 years I have instructed several hundred, If not 1,000's, of ladies in basic academy classes, plus an untold number of friends, family members, etc. I used to steer the non-LE women towards a J or K frame revolver as it was pretty much fool proof and always goes bang when you pull the trigger. I have had a bit of a change in my mindset over the past 5 or 6 years.
I have instructed several of my friend's wives, daughters, as well as my own daughter, daughter in laws etc. Most of them have had zero experience with handguns prior to our range time. I have started them with a S & W model 17 or 18 and Ruger Mark III in .22 and then moved on to the center fire calibers. I thought for awhile that the perfect handgun for a smallish female would be a model 60 Pro with the 3" barrel and adjustable sights. Over the course of several range sessions and having the opportunity to shoot numerous handguns including the model 60 Pro, the large majority of these girls and women have surprised me. When given the choice of what they enjoy shooting the most, were able to get more hits on target and were comfortable loading and handling almost every one of them settled on a Glock 17. I thought the 19 might be a better choice but the shorter slide has a bit heavier recoil spring and is harder to cycle, plus the recoil is a bit snappier.
With modern ammunition, the 9mm is a more than capable fight stopper and with 18 rounds at their disposal they are very adequately armed. When the hit potential for most shooters is less than 20% in an actual shoot out, it makes me a little leery of them only having 5 or 6 shots at their disposal before having to perform a reload. They aren't planning on carrying the gun concealed, it is a home defense weapon, so size really is a non-consideration. The polymer 9mm's have some of the least objectionable recoil of about any of your choices. One of the biggest stated reasons was trigger pull. The revolvers, especially the smaller ones, have a trigger pull that is long and heavy and hard for a lot of females to manipulate properly. The striker fired semi has a lot shorter, lighter trigger pull and the girls are more accurate with them.
I have set up several Glock 17's with an accessory light mounted on the rail, which also helps to mitigate recoil, and an XS sight on the front. The girls can turn on the light for target identification and then just place the big white dot with tritium insert in the center of their target and press the trigger…. Repeat….repeat….repeat….
I agree whole heartedly, let the shooter choose their weapon of choice if possible. The choice might just surprise you.