Were you bullied as a Child or Adult.

[Jambayzie]

Reading all of these posts, many are similar stories to what I went through as a kid. I learned what most of you learned, that when you stand up to a bully, even if you get your butt kicked, the bullying stops. Bullies are cowards, they only want to fight someone they know they can beat. If they get a bloody nose, even if they win the fight, they won't tangle with someone who will hurt them back.

Just because bullying has "been around forever" doesn't make it okay. It's just plain wrong to hurt people for entertainment. Verbally and physically.

As adults, at work, fighting is not really the best way to resolve the problem. Twice in my life I have been bullied in the workplace. Both times, when I went to the Shop Steward about it, they responded with the same "Ol' Skool" B.S. "You need to stand up for yourself. Give them back what they gave you. It's not my job to fight your fight." kind of ****.

The first time, I didn't know any better. I got sick of it and just quit that job. I had no intention of stepping out in the alley and "settling it like men" with a 6'-6" muscle-bound gorilla. I am 5'-2" and not really what you'd call a physical specimen. My loss. I was too young to know what to do except fight or quit the job.

The second time, some years later, a couple guys started in on me. But I was a little more experienced. When I went to the Steward, and got his line of B.S. about "growing a pair" I said to him "That's the wrong answer. Do you really want that kind of behavior in your shop? I retaliate, they escalate, I escalate, soon there are guys fighting in the shop. It's your JOB as my UNION STEWARD to protect the best interests of the guys working for you. This company has very clearly defined rules about workplace harassment, Hostile work environment, etc. I'm not going to lower myself to some neanderthal level and play infantile games with bullies. My first step is to talk to you as my Steward to put a halt to their immature behavior. If you are not able to put a stop to it, my next step is to call a meeting with our union B.A., management, and my lawyer. I'm not going to punch anyone and I'm not going to quit a job I like because of some mental midget bullies."

He talked to those guys, they laid off of me, and two years later one of the guys still has not said a word to me. I say "Good Morning" and "See ya tomorrow" and he pretends not to hear me and makes a point of ignoring me. Fine. Can't say anything nice? Say nothing at all.

 

[mike from st pete]

Yep the short fat kid (me) got tormented or ignored.
My last boss used me and the others in the crew as his personal loin cloth.

 

[Rick_A]

There was the kind, especially the older kids and young men in the service, that LIKED to fight. They didn't mind a little pain and they liked it when you fought back. You run into one of those and you might have a little bit more of a problem.

All of those guys that I knew still made sure they picked someone that put the odds squarely in their favor.

I had one such person pick a fight with me. Just being assertive had him back down. He was a harmless annoyance from then on.

He probably had a good 50lbs on me, but was severely lacking in higher brain functions. When it came down to it he was an insecure 'roid rager.

 

[mstuhr]

Both

Howdy,
I have been the bully and the bullied.
The lessons learned have served me all my life.
Dealing with a bully isn't always physical.
I bumped into one the other day on the phone. I chose to deal with him rather than kill myself.
I feel so sorry for anyone who loses a child. Life has always been tough for people of all ages. Knowing how to deal with it's difficulties can be hard.
All the dumb stuff they teach our children there should be a blunt class on dealing with life as it has been and always will be rather blame "The bully".
Whatever laws are passed the bully will always be there and can't be legislated out of existence.
Not to sound cold, but survival of the fittest has always been a rule of nature.
I'll take the heat for this. Those who commit suicide are part of nature weeding out the weak. I would also go as far as saying there are not many people anywhere who have not had to deal with bullies at one time of their lives or another.
We have a couple of notorious cases around here and the parents are always campaigning against bullies. The bullies said bad things about their child resulting in suicide. I can't help think if the child had been better prepared they might have fared better.
I can't claim to understand suicide but I can't understand anyone who would commit it over anything that some dope might have said about them without seeking help.
I think we would do better teaching children how to cope rather than blaming the bully.
I don't mean to go on and on. I have felt for a long time we are missing the problem by addressing the bully and not the bullied.
Thanks
Mike

 

[BruceHMX]

Reading the VERY detailed accounts from those who were bullied, some from many decades past, it seems pretty clear that bullying can be quite significant in the lives of youngsters as well as leave scars that are not quick, or ever to heal.

Phil you are quite right. After surviving combat most of my nightmares involve bullying in high school. Many times both periods become mixed in a state of terror. Perhaps one day I'll have that dream of the star quarterback. The guy who used to smack us non hackers in the back of the head in front of the cheerleaders. Maybe he will drive over an IED instead of a cool kid from Kansas who loved ZZTop.

 

[SW_shooter]

In Jr High I had a nemesis (bully by todays standards). He would say stuff and try to taunt me. I just ignored him as much as possible.

One day I was at the public pool swimming as I usually did on hot days. This one day I dove into the water and came up out of the water and as I was clearing my eyes, "pop", I was hit right in the nose by a fist. I went down and the water revived me instantly. (pretty sure I was knocked out as I just remember coming back up slowly) Sure enough it was my arch enemy who had punched me in the face.

We always rode the same bus home after school. Our drop off was an elementary school a block from my home. My enemy rode the same bus and would always start the verbal harassment on the walk home. Well, one day I had had enough. As we walked we were near a sand pit that the young kids played in at recess. As we walked my nemesis just wouldn't stop. (by the way, I was a year older and many pounds heavier but had an inferiority complex) As we were next to the sand pit I stopped and grabbed him by the neck, I punched him in the face a couple of times and then threw him down in the sand. I got on top of him and rubbed his face into the sand for a few seconds. I didn't say a word as I got up, walked off and never heard another peep out of him again....ever.

I'm not advocating fighting, but standing up for yourself and keeping some self respect is not a bad thing.

 

[model70hunter]

Several pointed out excellent reasons bullies are the way they are. Insecure personalities they need to pick on someone to feel better or get others to laugh at a smaller or less physically endowed person.

Like my parents I told my kids to not start a fight but you can defend your self and I have your back.

One Friday evening I showed up for work at the Sheriffs office. The high Sheriff pulled me aside. Is Little Duane your son. Yes sir what's going on?

He told me that he and the Chief Deputy were driving by the High School just after it let out for the day. Up the street was a convenience store. Just outside the front door 2 boys were fighting. We pulled in and grabbed then by the collar and asked what is going on. The other kid was bigger and a bully who had been called in for fighting. His Dad was a retired Full Bird. Like too many kids they thought their Dad's rank was theirs. He mouthed my son who ignored him and the guy punched my boy as he tried to walk by into the store. The fight was on, It was in the early stages of punches being thrown when stopped.

I did not see my son after school and was sort of blindsided. I told the sheriff I would check into it. My boy was embarrassed but told me the same story he told the Sheriff and that witness gave.

I told my boy I was proud of him for telling me the truth and for defending himself. The Sheriff did not press charges on either. Wouldn't have done much good, my son was 16 and the bully was 17. The bully's Dad had already shown he would hire a good lawyer to get him out of trouble.

I tried to teach my kids what I learned. Tell the truth, if you want something you have to work for it. I've wondered what life became for this punk. Probably a workplace verbal bully.

I do know what happened to my son. He has a great work ethic, He is a few hours short of his degree, he served in the Marines and he is a plant manger for a big company that everyone here has heard of. He has come to the farm I bought with his son to help build fence. He has his son on the same path, no free lunches, work for what you get, learn all you can.

Perhaps lack of parenting is one of the biggest failures in the USA right now.

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

Never. I learned early on that you have to stand up for yourself. I read of a British Commando officer in WWII. After serving in the ETO in the Summer of 1944 he was sent to fight the Japanese in Burma, he quickly realized several things about them: 1. If you shoot them, they bleed. 2. If you stab them, they bleed. 3. While they liked to use the bayonet, they didn't like to receive it.
Also you really should be nice to people, you don't know who their family and friends are. I knew a woman, was being harassed by her boss, sexually and otherwise. She had this cousin, about 6'2", built accordingly, football player, pumped the iron, etc.....I read about an individual, something of a champion bodybuilder, also an aspiring Mafioso. And a secret pedophile. He molested, the wrong kid, the boy's parents went to the Big Boss......
In the Good Old Days the bully would often be told to put on the boxing gloves, step into the ring-in public-with someone slightly larger and more adept. Or perhaps even with his intended victim. How does that old adage go-"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog!"
Yes, bullies always are punks and yellowbellies.

 

[ordy]

The kid up the street used to wait for me every day on my way home from school and pick a fight with me. Being a little older and a lot meaner, he always got the better of me. I complained to my dad who said he sympathized with me but there really wasn't much he could do. He told me to either find another way home or start fighting back with everything I had. I chose the latter and day by day, I started to get the better part of it...then I started waiting for him! A generation later, the same type of thing happened to my son. I told him the same thing my dad said to me and added I'd rather see him with a bruised face than a bruised heart. He was no Joe Frasier but the bullying did stop. I do believe that inside every bully lies a coward.

 

[Lee in Quartzsite]

Perhaps lack of parenting is one of the biggest failures in the USA right now.

That is such a true statement. Kids have no respect for anyone or anything these days, and that comes directly from a lack of good parents. I believe today it's a generation of Wimps raising kids and teaching them to be even more Wimpy than they are.

In 6th Grade I had red hair, freckles and wore glasses. This kid much bigger than me was always calling me 4-eyes, freckle face and slapping me on the back of the head every chance he got. The girls thought he was The Man and always giggled when he hassled me on the way home from school. At the time I didn't considered myself "Bullied"....never even heard that word back then...it just made me mad and embarrassed. One day on the way home he started in on me and I just turned around and hit him in the mouth as hard as I could. He dropped like a rock and I proceeded to pound him until he begged me to stop. He got up and ran home with a bloody face and never bothered me again. I actually felt guilty for hurting him and wanted to apologize, but never did.

Today it's mostly the parents trying to protect their kids that label a trouble maker a Bully....seems it has become another PC thing to do these days.

 

[Road Rat]

Nope.

At a very early age my old man told me: Don't ever start a fight and don't ever lose a fight.

I was more afraid of the old man than any classmate!!

 

[PAGLOCK23]

I was in 7th grade and a black kid thought he was tough guy and I was a small kid. He said he was going to ride my bus home one day and fight me at the church. Well he did and then he missed 2 days of school because I kicked the s**t out of him and his tongue was so swelled he couldn't swallow. All the other guys in school who heard about it were looking at my face the next day and saying 'you don't have a mark" All I had to do is look at them and no one messed with me anymore. You don't want to get this Italian mad. You'll be on the loosing end. It's so much easier now. I carry a gun and live in a Castle Doctrine state. I don't condone violence but if a choice has to be made it's him not me.

 

[kmyers]

Had two people try to bully or beat me up in my life. The first I punched in the throat as hard as I could and everybody left me alone for a few years after that incident with the person trying to breath for a while. The second was a person who grabbed me in a choke hold so I stabbed him in the nose with a pencil but he knew I was aiming for his eye. His comment was that I tried to gouge out one of his eyes. My reply "yes I did". After that nobody bothered ever again. My brother in law had a bully in high school when he was a freshman and his sister was a senior. That bully was jealous because my wife was very popular and her brother was accepted and liked by all her friends so the bully started commenting on how he was going to beat her brother up, put him in the hospital, so she ended up letting the bully know that if that happened it would not matter what it took or how many people she needed to hold this bully down she would destroy his knee caps with a sledge hammer. The threats stopped immediately. Never anger a woman who is half Mexican and half Cajun with a temper that can match.

 

[Mickey D]

Now, that will be two coats Biff.

I've have never been bullied or bullied anyone. I have stood up to someone bulling a kid when I was younger.
I don't tolerate that behavior.

 

[feralmerril]

I guess we all got storys we like to tell, some storys we wont tell, some we cant tell. Probley at one time or another we all have been on both sides of these storys. I can look at my old HS yearbooks and recall "difficulty's" with the majority of my classmates at one time or another. It was huge real stuff at the time and even having lived it I suppose most of us forgot the intensity of the events with time. It`s easy to tell a kid to get in there and scrap, get your nose broke etc but they wont bother you after that if they know you are going to keep coming and all that heroic patter.
First, turn it on ourselves. Really now, just how many of us that are like 72 years old with bad knees, 300 lbs probley couldnt get off the ground if there wasnt some object to pull ourselves up with, would like to take on some fit person? Seems to me I have read many of us admit to packing a gun to protect ourselves. A 12 to 18 year old kid cant legaly do that now, can they?
I have come to belive all these bullying incidences are part of Gods plan of creation and lessons in life that ever kid (I dont know about girls) must experience to grow up. Granted, it ain`t fun but I would bet even mike tyson when he was 13 years old probley had been bullied. He probley lost a few fights too that his memory blocked out, I sure have, but we do like to brag about the ones we got lucky and won. All that I am saying here is I really belive its a nessasary natural part of life for all. You cant know what good is if you havent had a taste of bad.

 

[Rick_A]

I got beat up by a girl on the bus my first day riding the bus to kindergarten. I was too shy to talk to her. She thought I was ignoring her. She was no bully, but she sure was a bitch!

She was all fingernails, pulling hair, and kicking away. I did not fight back, but she said I started it and of course I got in trouble. I was shocked to find someone could lie so blatantly.

That was my start to my public education...

ETA: As far as getting the best of me there was one individual in 1st and 2nd grade that I believe could. He was a strangely tall and well statured Chinese foreign exchange student who was rumored to be something of a martial arts expert. We did not get along and would end up in verbal exchanges. He appeared to be quite confident in his ability to harm me, and I believed it. My little legs move pretty damn quick when I need to. Not many people could beat me in a sprint and that saved my butt from his wrath on a few occasions.