I've said this before, and gotten flamed for it, but here goes:
Pistol bullets "stop" people two ways. (1) disruption of the brain or spinal cord, and (2) depressurizing the circulatory system. (There are three others, namely lung collapse, infection, and lead poisoning, but they're not relevant to self defense).
That's it. If a bullet, no matter the size, no matter the weight, no matter the shape, hits a big vessel, the bad guy is shut down quickly (but not instantly). If not, then not.
Energy, "stopping power," all that is beside the point. It either depressurizes the bad guy, or it doesn't.
The problem with the mouseguns is not expansion, it's penetration. A .22LR or a .25 ACP can bounce off a skull, rib, or sternum and just not go deep enough to get to the vitals.
The midrange service calibers: .38, .357, 9mm, .40, .45 ACP have enough penetration to get to the vitals with substantial reliability.
The big magnums do, too, but they cost you recoil, gun size, capacity, and ammo cost, for no real gain. A .40 hole in a heart does the same effect, whether made by a .40 bullet going 950 fps, or the same bullet in a 10mm going 1300 fps.
Look at bullets that have actually killed people. Handgun bullets, even "premium law enforcement" bullets, even one shot out of magnum revolvers, frequently fail to expand. They look smeared and chewed up, but you seldom see the lead mushrooms and flowers in the bullet ads.
Exit wounds are almost always difficult to distinguish from entry wounds, on first glance. They typically are a bit larger and more raggedy than the circular entrance wound, but you usually have to look close to see the difference. "Gaping Exit Wounds" in all but 5.56mm hits on extremities is mostly a myth.
SA Dove's shot on Michael Platt in the Miami FBI Shootout was a penetration failure, not an expansion failure. The 115 grain Silvertip went through Platt's upper arm musculature, entered the chest between the ribs, and ended up, expanded, about an inch from the heart. Had Dove been shooting FMJ, the fight might well have been over in 10 seconds, not four minutes.
Penetration and shot placement. That's 100% of the battle. That's why I carry 124 grain NATO for self defense. It will get there, be the bad guy a 140 pound meth head, or a 320 pound bar bouncer raging on steroids. That's why I downsized my carry caliber from .45 ACP to 9mm. More bullets, less recoil, faster shooting.