Ya gotta Love Rodney Dangerfield PG-13

[CAJUNLAWYER]

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield ... Because he said ...


My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to
time an egg.


It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet
she won't drink from my glass!


Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee.. The only trouble was, she was coming home.


A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went
over. Nobody was home!


A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.


If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.


I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you
going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'


I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when
you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.


I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.


My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen
the roaches hang themselves.


I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.


The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him,
'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'


My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.


I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.


My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.


My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
Chicago last night.


MY FAVORITE:


My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of
had anything to play with.

 

[red14]

He was always my favorite. I've heard most of those, and still laughed.

Know any more?

 

[Crazy K38]

you know I really miss sam kinnison too, he was another funny man

 

[ThirtyAcres]

My favorite from Rodney......

My wife's cooking is so bad that the flies in the kitchen chipped in to get the hole in the screen door fixed.

 

[socal s&w]

That girl was so ugly...........

I took her home to meet my mother, she put newspaper on the floor!

I took her to the top of the Empire State Building, airplanes started to attack her!

When she walks into a room mice jump up on chairs!

I bent down to pet her cat, it was the hair on her legs!
******************************************
You know my doctor.........Dr Vinnie Boombas, when you take off all your clothes, he says "Ahh".

My dentist he's another one, I told him "Put in a new tooth to match my old tooth." He put in a tooth with four cavities!

My daughter, what are you kidding me? She's been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles!

She failed driver's ed, she couldn't get used to the front seat!

During high school, she was voted most likely to conceive.

(There are billions of others.........he was a very funny man!)

 

[Scheebs]

I was driving my car and got stopped by a fat lady crossing the street. She said, hey buddy can't you drive around me? I said, lady I don't think I got enough gas!

I saw Rodney in concert in Milwaukee back in the 80's. I laughed so hard my cheeks ached. I couldn't take any more and was actually happy when he finished 'cause it hurt so good.

 

[max]

One of my favorites. " I got in a cab and told the driver to take me to where you take the sailors, he took me to my house."

 

[Joni_Lynn]

Thanks, I always enjoy a good chuckle.

 

[swilli41]

Ya gotta Love Rodney Dangerfield PG-14

My favorite: My sex life is so bad that they once caught a Peeping Tom outside my bedroom window...........asleep!

 

[DougE]

Rodney having a spell of bad luck.............

" I put on my shirt this morning and the buttons fell off of it.
I picked up my brief case on the way out the door and the handle fell off of it.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom."

 

[Snapping Twig]

I went to the dentist. I said, Doc, I've got yellow teeth, he said wear a brown tie. I told him I wanted a second opinion, he said, OK, I think you're ugly.

I have sex just like my steak, very rare.