Your funniest confrontation

[rufgr]

This did not happen to me but to my father when I was about 7 years old.
The neighbors son and I were taking turns pushing each other in a small wagon as our fathers talked over the fence. While I was pushing the neighbors son whipped the tiller so violently that the wagon tipped over and he suffered a slight injury to his arm.

The next day was Sunday and as was my fathers habit he was setting on the back step polishing his shoes. The neighbor came to the back fence and told my father he was going to have to pay for a Dr. visit for his son as I had caused the accident. My father said he did not feel it was my fault and had no intention of paying for Dr. visit.

This is where things went bad. The neighbor started describing all kinds of violent things he was going to do to my father. This really scared me and I asked my father if I should go get the old Remington double shotgun as in the western movies this always calmed things down. My father declined and said he thought WE could handle this without the shotgun. As my father had said WE were going to handle this every western movie I had ever seen flashed though mind. I decided my role in the upcoming fight would be leg biting. While cowardly, biting always seemed to get the desired result.
During a brief lull in the neighbor talking my father told the neighbor he was YELLOW and should just go home and sober up. Once again my only "experience" in this kind of thing was western movies and calling someone yellow always caused a fight. Amazingly in this case, the neighbors mouth dropped open, he stuttered something, and went home. I was very happy at this result as I had suddenly remembered that at my age many of my teeth were missing and leg biting may not have been as effective as it was in western movies.

 

[model70hunter]

A couple on my Dad, later in life I found out he was quite the rounder, been in many fights. Common causes, women and alcohol. He did not drink much and had a beer once in a while when we were growing up.

It is one of my 1st remembrances of Dad In public, I was about 5, no older. We did not eat out much,Dad took us to one of the better greasy spoons in town. Our town was a county seat and nearest to a large training Army base, you older guys remember it as Little Korea.

Dad was an MP in WW 2, he went into North Africa and fought like any Soldier, eventually we had too many POW's and his unit brought a few thousand Axis gents to Fort Leonard Wood. Dad was a 5'9" fellow.

We had a city Marshall who was overly zealous, he did not arrest the young trainees on weekend pass he beat and stomped them for grins.

We walked out of the restaurant and he was in fine form had 2 drunk boys down pounding away on ones face. Dad sprinted to the City PD boy who was in uniform, I always thought he was a giant, 6"4" tall. Dad grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him off the kid. Dad called him by his first name and said either arrest him or let him go but you are not going to touch him again, Dad was way more than firm. The big PD feller stared at Dad, at 5 I could tell from the look in his eye he was thinking of starting on Dad. He spun and walked off. Dad helped the boys to their feet and told some other trainees who were watching to go to the restaurant bath room, clean up and drink coffee until it is time to get on the bus. I never forgot that incident. Later after I was full growed and had done 8 years in the reserves Dad and I were in his garage drinking a beer after a days deer hunt. The old City Marshalls name came up. I remembered and asked Dad about that, he and the City Marshall were in the same MP unit, he would whup up on his own company members, but not Dad, at times. Dad said I finally told him to stop, we are tired of it. He jumped me, I knew I would have to go crazy to whip his big butt and did, I also wanted him to never forget so there would not be a rematch, maybe adrenalin kicked in. I so thoroughly whipped him he left us alone and never said anything out of the way to me for the rest of the war.

When I was 11 or 12 we lived in town for a year. Dad had been renting a small farm and ended up buying a 200 acre one. I hated town.

My younger brother had a friend there the exact same age. They were tight, no problems. A SSG and his family moved in across the street.

His house was loaded with boxing trophy's, he was about Dad's size, Middleweight perhaps. The guy was the Army and all services boxing champ, heard it from his kids, wife and the ole SSG hisself many times in the 1st week.

He wanted his sons to be all man like him, he encouraged them to kick other boys butts. They were a year apart with the oldest a year younger than me. My only age friend was a year younger. I was in my front yard and heard the fight, I ran over to my buds house they had him down whaling away. I hit them both once, they ran home bawling. A couple of days later they started on my little Bro's friend and he whupped both who were older than him.

That weekend we were watching a ball game and my bro ran into the house screaming they are beating his buddy. I said I'll go, bro said their Dad the boxer boy is holding him and making his sons punch him in the face. Dad said I'll go, we ran around the corner, they were in our side yard. Dad grabbed him by the shoulder spun him around and got in his face, Dad kept pushing him to the edge of the yard, the boxer boy mentioned kicking Dads butt, Dad would shove him harder.

Some of you have seen the look on someones face, it sort of looks like you may think your bad but you will die trying to prove it. My Dad had a look that was scary. The boxer boy went home, Bro's little buddy ran home, his Ma came out and was cussing the whole way, her hubby was in Korea, she walked into boxer boys house and was loud, she said you worm, hold my boy and everyone in the neighbor hood was outside listening by now. You heard her start slapping the boxer boy up dise the head, his wife the witch said you can't come in here and do this, the next sound was her getting slapped upside the head followed by bawling. She kept hitting boxer boy, The lady was about 8.5 months pregnant. She had called the police before she left her house. They called the MP's as always when an army guy was in trouble, they both showed up lights on. The Mp's cuffed the boxer boy and hauled him off.

Monday a moving and storage truck was there loaded all their stuff and left. He was reduced in rank to a Private and his family was shipped to their home town.


I was super proud of Dad for backing off boxer boy but never said anything to dad about the pregnant lady kicking butt. But then boxer boy probably knew he was in the deepest do-do and never swung on the lady.

Lots of incidents happened while growing up in Missouri.

 

[BB57]

I was assigned a statutory rape case, and the prime suspect was a felon who'd recently been released from prison after a 7 year hitch for raping his grandmother. A real ***.

I asked one of the deputies (Pat) to go with me, in part because he was a solid officer who did not have any tendencies to aggravate and escalate touchy situations, and in part because he'd attended high school with this guy and came from the same small town (the undisputed armpit of the county). The suspect had what you could safely call an explosive personality, and there was a high likelihood of a violent response if not handled carefully - and I'd rather see a statutory or forcible rape conviction than an assault charge.

We arrived and spoke to his wife about the allegations, and asked her to call her husband and advise him he needed to come home and speak with us about them. She called him and said "someone is here to talk to him about child abuse" and then hung up. I looked at Pat, Pat looked at me, we both looked at her, and from the look on her face it was obvious that she'd just intentionally set him up for suicide by cop, give that he was not expecting law enforcement but rather a (probably female) social worker. We were in an unmarked car so he was not going to get tipped off by a patrol car.

Sure enough, we heard him peel out of his work place about 4 blocks away, tear down the street, throwing gravel the whole way, slide into the yard, jump out of his truck, dig something metallic out of the back, and come storming up the steps. We assumed he was a touch upset.

The door flew open and he came tearing in the doorway and around the corner with a tire iron raised over his head running squarely at Pat and the business end of Pat's 9mm.

At that point he saw the business end of Pat's 9mm, dropped the tire iron over his shoulder while leaning way back on both heels and skidded to a stop on the carpet about 4 ft in front of Pat. Then with his hand still in the air he gave a little wave and said "Hey Pat, how's it going?" He came about as close as you can possibly come to getting shot deader than hell.

He also looked just like Wile E Coyote sliding to a stop on the edge of a cliff. It was the funniest thing I ever saw and I couldn't even laugh (until later).

 

[Texas Star]

Let's look at a funny one.

I was the Air Policeman on duty one night in the Air Intelligence School at Lowry AFB in Denver. The building was supposed to be cleared. It was the midnight shift for me.

About two AM, I heard someone in a room down the hall from my desk and went to check. Sounded just like someone with a smoker's cough. I drew my .45 and shined a flashlight into the room , wondering if there was a drunk in there or a Soviet "penetrator."

It was a radiator in the cooling system. Even looking right at it with the light on, it sounded just like a man.

 

[Straightshooter2]

My funniest confrontation was with the principal of the junior high school (middle school) my son attended. I had worked midnight shift and had just dozed off to sleep when I got a call from the office at my son's school telling me I needed to bring him a new pair of shorts because his were too tight. My son rode his bicycle for hours at a time back then and had fairly muscular legs. To get shorts to fit him in the waist, many times they would be a little tight in the leg area. Anyway I took a pair of shorts to the school (about 10 miles) and took them to the office. After I gave them to my son, I told one of the ladies in the office I wanted to see whoever it was that decided to wake me up in the middle of my night over a pair of shorts. Out comes the principal and he immediately goes on the defense when I told him I thought he overreacted and I didn't think my son's shorts were that tight. "The school board this," and, "the school board that," and, "blah blah school board blah blah." Something I can't stand is someone who won't take responsibility for their actions and tries to shift the, for lack of a better word, blame. If the principal had just said, "I made the decision," I would probably have said ok and left. Anyway, we went back and forth for about five to ten minutes and I kept hearing "school board." Finally I looked him in they eye and asked him if he had ever heard of Samuel Clemens. He said, "Samuel Clemens? Mark Twain? Well of course." I asked if he was familiar with Mark Twain's quote about school boards and he said he wasn't. I told him, "Mark Twain once said, 'First God created an idiot for practice, then he created a school board'." At which point I turned and walked out. As I went out the door, I looked back and the principal was standing there with his mouth open. I'm sure to this day he was trying to figure out if I had just called him an idiot.

CW

 

[JDBoardman]

I was about eleven years old at the time, and we lived in North Florida. It was a Friday afternoon in August, and I had just spent the day with my dad at work. We were headed home, and got caught in a traffic jam on th expressway about 5:00 in the afternoon. As was typical, it was about 95 degrees and 100% humidity, and not many cars had air conditioning in those days. We are poking along; move one car length, stop, move one car length, stop, you know the drill... Everyone is hot, tired and cranky, and they just want to get home, have a cold drink, and relax. The car ahead moves, Dad doesn't move instantly. The cretin behind us immediately jumps on his horn, . Dad move forward. Same thing happens, jerk blows horn, Dad fumes, but moves a few feet. The third time, my dad turns off the ignition, gets out of the car (a huge Buick Electra), and walks back toward jerk. Jerk rapidly rolls up his window as Dad approaches. My dad goes to the front of jerk's car, pops the hood, and reaches in and in one fell swoop, performs an electricotomy, pulling just about every wire and cable loose at once. He then continues on to jerk's window and politely knocks on it. When jerk rolls it down a crack, Dad stuffs the wiring harness through into jerk's lap, walks back, and gets into our car and drives on off. At no time was a single work exchanged, but as soon as the car door opened, I swear you could hear the music from "High Noon" begin playing in the background.

 

[e3mrk]

I was about 20 and a bunch of Us were swimming in the Lake(Erie) and some Guy decides He want to show off for His Girl Friend so He tried to pick a fight with Me,I don't want to fight the Guy and walk away but He runs up and starts pushing Me and saying that He's a Green Belt and He's going to kick My Butt and He jumps on Me and gets Me in a side Head Lock so I just grabbed Him around His waist and stood straight up and fell backwards into a Pile of broken Concrete that was there.
I went to the Water to wash His Blood of of Me while His Girlfriend called for a Ambulance,I guess I really hurt Him but now maybe He would think twice before messing with Somebody You don't Know when You have been drinking.
I still have a lot of funny stuff happen to Me and that's probably why My Wife wont go shopping with Me.

 

[Snapping Twig]

I was on a company "team building" outing.

We were a large company and as is typical, most everyone in our section was pretty nice - except for one.

This guy was the company brown noser, the guy that ratted you out every chance he got, was unequal to the job but held on by undermining, stealing ideas, etc. Total scumbag slithering wrong number.

So, we were on this trip and he slithers up to me and acts like we're best of buddies and tries to go for any info he can.

In front of everyone and in a loud clear voice, I set my beer down and said, "If I wanted your opinion, I'd beat it out of you."

I further continued after his objections with, "If I wanted any of your lip, I'd take it off my zipper."

I had recently watched Heartbreak Ridge with Clint Eastwood and I was parroting from the movie, but this guy needed to hear it.

This is no joke and honest - it really did happen.

Lots of private conversations after from grateful colleagues.

I was fully prepared to go to the next level with the guy and he knew it.

 

[yashua-p]

Thanks for these posts. Amazing.

regards

yashua

 

[Double-O-Dave]

Several years ago, my wife and I were in the mall shopping. As we turned a corner, there were three young men dressed in torn jeans, leather vests - no shirts, and wearing a lot of ink and chains. The biggest one of the trio had his head shaved except for a row of spiked hair down the middle of his skull. He also had a chain hooked to his ear lobe, the corner of his mouth, and his nipple. His buddies were both wearing chains connected to each of their nipples. The three guys were blocking the path, and their leader sneered at me and said: "What you lookin' at, man?"

My response was: "How many guesses do I get?" His buddies died laughing, and the tough guy kind of ramped down and they all walked away from us. My wife was absolutely terrified and told me that any one of those guys could have stomped the living hell out of me.

I responded that what she said was absolutely true, and could have possibly occurred...all the way up until I was able to grab hold of some chains and start yanking. Wifey didn't say anything more, but I believe she started looking at me with a different perspective from that point on.

Regards,

Dave

 

[soFlaNative]

Director of Public Utilities say to me "I've heard a lot about you."
Me, "You believe everything you hear?".

Asst. Director acted like he was either too busy or too good to say hello, so I excused myself and asked "Who are you?". He told me and I said "OK just wondered if I should genuflect or give you the finger".

Ops analyst and Plant Superintendent are both soFlaNatives and we all know where we stand so when I get nose to nose with either of them they know it's pretty much for show and we are all seeking some sort of release. The issues may be serious but we will remain friendly, although at the time any onlookers are desperately seeking cover.