YOW ! FIRE !

[susieqz]

well, i had defrosted some brats n needed to put some hickory smoke on them, but it was super windy. i couldn't get the smoker going.
finally i made my big mistake. i had these charcoal lighter things
that light easy.
i cut one in half set it atop the pellets n lit it.
when i came back, ten minutes later smoke was billowing out instead of the thin blue smoke you want.
i opened the door to look n WHOOSH. everything was on fire. floor, door walls burning super hot.
well, i didn't need those eyebrows anyway.
time for panic, because the smoker is 5' from the house but only 2' from my wooden arbor n fence.
i had to think hard. see, i grew up with a standard woodsgal panic, where i just start running in a straight line til i hit something, then get up n run in a new direction til the panic was over. this worked fine for me because usually i was in a panic due to being lost in the woods. in the woods you don't have to run far before ramming a tree. i could often bounce off 5 trees without going more than 15 yards.
very efficient.
but, the first time i panicked out on the plains was when a snake said hello by rattling his tail.
i did my panic, but after running for hours i realised there was nothing to hit on the plains, so i just laid down to die.
i must have run 50 yards.

 

[kthom]

Now I got a picture of that and am smilin' really big!!! (Not about your fire, of course, but of you glancing off those trees! Ain't many of those on the high plains, are there? Assume you got the fire tended to before any serious damage was done?

 

[susieqz]

that's not to say you can't have a normal panic on the plains. if i'm indoors i have walls to bounce off. plus sometimes these are cows on the grass.
panicking into a herd of cows works well at first. running into one is like bouncing off a boney trampoline.
but, when you are flying backward, you ee the flaw in this.
where cows are, clean ground is not.
so, i knew i'd land in something ic ky.
the cows didn't want me to get a concussion, so they fixed it so my head was protected. my head landed insome green stuff, smelly n squishy n totally ick.
that ends a panic fast as i sprint for the house, past all those grinning cows.
the one i ran into was a mean cow but there was no danger. she couldn't chase me while laughing her fool head off.
the problem here is you then have to spend hours in the shower, using 4 different shampoos n 3 conditioners, n this took too long when my house was about to burn.

 

[susieqz]

lucky for me, i was a student of pat mcmannus as a little girl so i was able to pick his MODIFIED STATIONARY PANIC
to do this you run in place as fast as you can while waving your arms n screaming.
this got the panic out of the way in half a minute so i could deal with the fire.
i unplugged the machine, blocked the vents as best i could n put on protective clothing n glove n got piers to remove what i could.
also, i started the hose n brot it over. when i got back there was smoke everywhere so, no active flames.
i yanked open the door n used the pliers to remove what i could, then i turned the hose on the steel n got steam instead of smoke.
i saved the gasket n the electronics.
that's a normal day in the life of the crazy woman of the plains.

 

[DeathGrip]

Thanks for the funny. I think I got the milk off'a my key board in time.

Cheers Squze.

 

[susieqz]

seems like bad things have been happening to many of our members, i wanted to lighten things up with a true story that didn;t come out bad.

 

[Tyrod]

The real question is. Were the brats a total loss? Now I'm hungry.

 

[susieqz]

an hour later, i did the brats, tho mostly i wanted to kill something as i was angry with the world, but, local wildlife know when i get in a mood n they flee for their lives.

 

[fat tom]

That was funny honey! Thanks for the chuckle. I haven't had many of those lately.
f.t.

 

[CajunBass]

lucky for me, i was a student of pat mcmannus as a little girl so i was able to pick his MODIFIED STATIONARY PANIC
to do this you run in place as fast as you can while waving your arms n screaming.
this got the panic out of the way in half a minute so i could deal with the fire.
i unplugged the machine, blocked the vents as best i could n put on protective clothing n glove n got piers to remove what i could.
also, i started the hose n brot it over. when i got back there was smoke everywhere so, no active flames.
i yanked open the door n used the pliers to remove what i could, then i turned the hose on the steel n got steam instead of smoke.
i saved the gasket n the electronics.
that's a normal day in the life of the crazy woman of the plains.

The first thing I thought when I started reading your original post was "Pat McMannus was here."

 

[bill2000]

Susieqz, I don't know what you do for a living but unless you're putting some of this stuff on paper you've missed your calling. Very funny, thanks!

 

[Roadtrash]

I can just see you bouncing from one tree to another. It sounds like a life size pinball machine.

 

[SC_Mike]

I can just see you bouncing from one tree to another. It sounds like a life size pinball machine.

It's called "full bore linear panic". OP, glad you're ok.

As opposed to the modified stationary panic, the full bore linear panic is where the scare-ie seeks to achieve maximum "escape velocity" from the scare-er by moving in a straight line away. Usually this happens when one is startled by something unexpected.

There are several features to this type of motion. If done correctly you can place yourself very far away (read: light years) from the danger. It can also improve your health and shape you up since you've burned a lot of calories running at full speed. The natural boost of adrenaline also helps clear up hives and other allergic reactions.

Drawbacks include the fact that one must adhere to a linear pattern as much as possible. Things like other people and solid objects larger than yourself tend to disrupt the linear nature of this. Sometimes you can move past obstacles which may damage you or the obstacle. Indeed there is great risk of hurting yourself using this technique but this must be weighed against staying the general area of the scare-er.

This brings up the tricky question of when to stop the full bore linear panic. Sometimes your terrain makes this decision for you. Things like dead end alleys and very high cliffs make continuing the FBLP physically impossible. Other stop events are things like "out of danger" and unconsciousness brought about sudden assisted halting (like running into solid lamp posts).

Warning: this technique does not insure the removal of the dangerous situation. Your mileage may vary.

I have been told that this idea originated from an author Patrick F. McManus. I have not read the material but instead heard it from a friend and found it to be a sound theory.

Full bore linear panic - Everything2.com

 

[susieqz]

i'm happy to hear my writing is reminisant of pat mcmannus. he's my hero.
however, don't for a minute think there's any plagerism here .
this is something i wrote for you guys.

 

[CajunBass]

i'm happy to hear my writing is reminisant of pat mcmannus. he's my hero.
however, don't for a minute think there's any plagerism here .
this is something i wrote for you guys.

Never occurred to me. I too love reading Pat McMannus and just recognized the style.

The first time I started to read one of his books, my wife came running down the hall, thinking I was having a heart attack. I simply could not stop laughing. Every time I tried to tell her what was so funny, I'd start all over again.

I'm pretty sure the story was "They Shoot Canoes, Don't they?"

 

[SC_Mike]

i'm happy to hear my writing is reminisant of pat mcmannus. he's my hero.
however, don't for a minute think there's any plagerism here .
this is something i wrote for you guys.

I think at one time or another I've owned every book he's written. I lend them out and they never come back...

I wasnt implying plagerism, just wanted to fill in the rest of the story.

 

[kthom]

Not only have you entertained, suzieqz, you have made folks aware that there are indeed funny and entertaining things that happen on the flat, dull, high plains. And you have shown very well that there are also very exciting things that happen on the plains. Trouble is, neighbors ain't very close and so it's hard for anyone else to see these kinds of events, which happen much more often than many might think.

When your next door neighbor (in town) hears and sees you running and screaming from your abode, followed by billowing smoke and a huge lot of commotion, perhaps without any makeup on whatsoever and not wearing your best Sunday-go-to-meeting duds, and they also have their smart alec phone handy and ready to take a video of the whole scene and rush in to post it on social media so it can have a chance to go viral, well there just ain't many secrets you can get away with.

But living on the plains means that when you do something like this and, as we all do, look around to see if anyone saw you in this totally unrehearsed state, well ... there ain't usually anyone who catches you in the act that ain't maybe a family member. And since you probably have also caught them in a similar circumstance, then you have some leverage to suggest that they keep their mouth shut about it as well as refraining from smiling to big when they think about it!!

As I'm sure you know, gettin' cow manure, even fresh stuff, on your person won't likely have any negative affect other than to make you an unwelcome guest at the dinner table until after you get done sudsing off. Unless of course, all the others in attendance are also wearing that stuff too!!

Folks just don't realize how absolutely entertaining life is at times on the plains because there ain't anybody around to record or report the event, at least not anybody who values his or her life and must go to sleep sometime if they live in the same abode with you. Everyday life on the plains is far more exciting and entertaining than most realize. And I commend you for taking the initiative to report this incident for others to enjoy and learn from. You've performed a very serious public service by doing so.

But you'd better keep an eye out for folks trying to get camoflaged enough to lie in wait around your hacienda to try to capture these kinds of things. Better not be walkin' out on the front porch to salute the day without the benefit of full dress till folks kinda begin to forget about this incident!!!

Thanks again for the grins and the virtual visual video playin' in our heads!!

 

[the ringo kid]

seems like bad things have been happening to many of our members.

So soooooooooooooo true--Friday was no exception. First-we had flooding rains since early Thurs evening-through most of Friday and part of Sat. My car--im still getting repairs done--which is now topping $500 I cannot afford) and may have a new problem.

Anyway, I had several appointments yesterday going all over town. I left to pick up Sabrina's and my mutual friend-Natasha. I detailed myself to give her a ride to take her 18 month old daughter-to day care. Luckily we had just dropped her off-and were on the way to my gym. I was in Ayers street-it was raining cats-n-dogs-and of course-I stalled out in traffic. Soaked to the bone-luckily some good guys in a cop car-pushed me a couple blocks-and then--really lucky--a tow-truck driver was headed home. The guy gave us and car-a lift to my gym-no charge. About 2 hrs later-the car started--my harness wires are exposed and I guess got wet. Tried the car-it started and I left while the getting was good.

Took forever to do my appointments as well as one for Natasha--Sabrina was at home and luckily-no appts Fri. The car after awhile-starts shuddering like its either getting too much-or too little gas. I struggled around but completed my assignments.

And that--is the lesser things that went on yesterday.

 

[Iggy]

Susieq, thanks for takin' the time to tell of your little misadventure.
Great for giggles and grins.

By Golly, you are startin' to show the qualities of a future Wyoming Weedhummer.

You can turn a mundane or plumb spooky incident into an entertainin' tale.

Typical of many Wyoming tales like your's, some of it might be the truth and some might not, but people can durn sure believe them.

I've always swored, I'd tell a story 3 differn't ways afore I'd lie to ya.

 

[snuffy51]

The trick is to tell the truth in a more entertaining way. I can tell a story a whole bunch of different ways before I actually lie about anything. For example, my story about the the day I quit hunting............

 

[shouldazagged]

I can just see you bouncing from one tree to another. It sounds like a life size pinball machine.

Reminds me of the old gag about the drunk who crashes headlong into a lone sapling in someone else's yard. He picks himself up and walks into it again. After the third collision he sits on the ground moaning, "Lost, in an impenetrable forest!"

 

[susieqz]

this kinda stuff happens to me all the time. i moved out here because there are bad people in cities, people who might do things to my body without even saying please.
the best defense against criminals is distance.
i never feel comfy unless i'm at least 3 miles from a government road.
here, i feel safe n secure.
but, when i came here it didn't occur to me that if criminals can't get here easy, neither can emergency services.
it would take an hour to get a cop here. the volunteer firemen maybe 30 minutes because they are closer.
if i call 911, someone would show up in time to write a report, after everything's over.
so you learn right quick not to look for help, but to do for yourself.
the price of living on the high plains is learning self reliance.
of course, a smart person would not do stupid stuff that you gotta fix in the first place ,
but that's asking a bit much.

 

[les.b]

Great story, suzie!!! Thanks for lifting our sprits a little. My camp down in the eastern panhandle of WV is a little like that, it would take emergency responders a long time to get there, so we have learned to be pretty self sufficient.

Best Regards, Les

 

[Iggy]

Once in while a traveling salesman or Religious pilgrim would find their way out to the ranch when I was a kid. My Dad would politely dismiss them and go back to whatever he was doing.

More often than not, the wayward soul would ask, "How's the best way to get back to the highway from here?"

My Dad would reply, "Well, I sure as hell wouldn't start from here!" and walk away.

I have to admit following his lead a few times myself.

 

[kthom]

Way out yonder, you learn pretty quick that when you need a helpin' hand, it's mostly down on the end of one of your arms!! You just gotta try your best to hang on till the cavalry arrives, or maybe better yet, try to take care of it quick so them report writers will still have something to do after taking that scenic trip!!

 

[Iggy]

Round about this part of the country with a few exceptions, if you call for help, you can bet in a half and hour or so, they'll call you back for directions.

Around here you are the law until relieved sooner or later.

 

[tennexplorer]

I think that perhaps Charlie Sherrill has some competition in the story department.

 

[vonn]

I am still laughing!

 

[joeintexas]

Girl that is the best laugh I have had in a long time!! I got a mental picture of you first trying to put that fire out and then of you bouncing off trees, getting up and doing it again. You missed your calling, you paint a very good picture with your words. Thanks for the laughs tonight, I'm still chuckling.

 

[carpriver]

When I was a boy of 12 I was living on a farm. It was late winter, early spring. The had weather changed from colder than the soles of a well diggers shoes to warm and rain and fog. My last chore of the night was to throw down fresh bedding in the pole barn. I had finished my chore and was now headed to the milk house. The barn yard was a concrete slap with a couple of drains. With the weather change the drains froze and the rain accumulated in the barn yard. We all know what cows (65 of the beauties) do in the barn yard, I was wearing knee high rubber muck boots trying to walk on liquid covered ice. I was doing pretty good until I stepped in a hole. I felt flat on my back in a foot of liquid cow poop. then the wave hit me. I was covered head to toe. My Dad and brother saw me fall, they had been standing in the milking parlor door; they were laughing. I pulled one leg back and rolled a bit to get up and the foot slipped and now I was splashing down again. It took 3 more attempts to get to my feet. I drove a tractor home and stripped naked on the back porch, there was a 30 gallon hot water heater in the wood shed and I ran it until it was cold.

the take way from the this is PooP occurs take in strid