86 year old- take keys and guns? Need advice

[Stonecove]

My 86 year old father in law was visiting his west coast children who are non gun (read rabid liberals) people. They haven't seen him in person in 3 years. The controversy started when my wife received a panic call from her sister who reported her father told them he had a loaded .22 pistol under his pillow for security. We have since learned it is not under the pillow but between his matress and box springs, which is where he has kept it for his whole life. They never knew about it as they grew up; they are now in their 40's & 50's so it's been there awhile.
The discussion is that he is too old, poor eyesight and bad judgement so he should not have a gun in the house. My mother in law also lives in the house and she is 82 and doesn't like guns either.
FIL is a spry 86, still golfs twice a week, drives his car and the inlaws think nothing of driving a hour or more for family events. He has trouble walking, and is a bit deaf (WWII artiliary HQ); has a social Jack Daniels at gatherings and is otherwise in great shape. He disconnects from public conversations because I think he can't hear well enough.
I told my wife that he is more in danger from falling down the stairs than accidentally shooting someone or himself. I said that if you take his guns you risk taking his dignity. Additionally, I feel his driving is probably more an issue, though he has had no tickets or accidents that I know of (25 years).
Anyway, this whole thing started because he supposedly had a gun under his pillow (which I would have stepped in and told him not to do). However, I don't see the harm in letting him keep his gun as long as he is driving a car. When he has the keys taken, thats the time to lock up the guns.
I'm sure some of you have faced this issue. I would appreciate your input.
Thanks, Stonecove

 

[roarindan]

You're absolutely right. They didnt know he kept that gun there for 60 yrs. and it never harmed anybody. tell them to mind their own business.

 

[kudzu3]

Age doesn't matter, everyone has the right to protect themselves. A lady friend once asked me "you wear that gun around your grandkids"? I told her "I wear this gun because of my grandkids".

 

[Rule3]

Without knowing the individual it is impossible to say. YOU will know when it is time.

There are thousands of folks here in Florida that should not be driving, but they are.

My own Father drove for a several years when he should not have been. He eventfully just stopped on his own as he had Alzheimer and probably did not know where or what to do.

 

[feralmerril]

My dad started to come down with alzheimers right after I retired in 2000. At that time he was 87. He was a widower in wisconsin. I lived in california. It fell on me to go back and live with him. He also kept a s&w 1917 under his mattress. It alarmed my aunt who cleaned his house once in awhile. I let him keep it untill he finaly had to go to assisted liveing. It doesnt sound like your FIL has alzheimers. Tell your in laws to buzz off if he doesnt have alzheimers. But still, if he is at THEIR house I guess its their problem and all you can do is advise.

 

[redlevel]

My 93 year old Mama stopped driving last year on her own, but she still has her Model 37 in its box in her bedroom. She carried it on her daily walks up until about 6 years ago. Her mind is very sound, although her body is failing.

 

[Tom K]

Age doesn't matter, everyone has the right to protect themselves. A lady friend once asked me "you wear that gun around your grandkids"? I told her "I wear this gun because of my grandkids".

Man, those must be some rough grandkids.

 

[mg357]

If you fellas don't mind i have a thought its a little unusual but it may work then again it may not. what if your Father in law was permitted to keep the gun in its usual place but it was left unloaded?

would that make the other anti gun relatives happy? that way he can continue to maintain his dignity and they will not freak out over his having the gun.

 

[W.E.G.]

When he has the keys taken, thats the time to lock up the guns.

Hold on a minute Kemosabe.

Wouldn't it depend on WHY the keys are taken?

If the reason is dementia, I agree.
If the reason is poor eyesight, slow reflexes, or general physical infirmity, I strongly disagree.

Its easy enough to find out whether he has had traffic tickets.
Just check with the court in his jurisdiction of residence.
Many courts have these records online for public view.

 

[Jlduke]

Having served in WWII and made it to the age of 87, he has earned the right to do just about anything he wants to. His "children" need to remember who they are talking to and treat him with the respect that he deserves.

 

[Wyatt Burp]

It sounds like it only became an issue because some anti-gun relatives got involved. They most likely wouldn't like him having that gun whatever age he was. You know those relatives but based on what you said about them, the typical attitude is, "I don't like guns so YOU shouldn't have one." You'll always get these judgmental demands from the portside of the opinion perspective.

 

[Fishslayer]

My first question to myself was "Just what do these kids suggest be done with the firearms after they're confiscated?"

 

[A10]

It sounds to me like the gentleman is aware and mentally capable. Tell them to show some respect and leave the man alone! I would, though, have a serious talk with him about driving. Try to do it in a converasational manner, and let him know there are a lot of dangerous drivers out there. Ask if he would prefer to keep driving or if he would rather have other means of transportation. Let it be his decision, though. If you try to force something he will only regret it and rebel. You might also tell him it would be a good idea to move his gun(s) when the kids are in town. You never know when some do-gooder will decide they know better than him and just take them!

 

[Stonecove]

If you fellas don't mind i have a thought its a little unusual but it may work then again it may not. what if your Father in law was permitted to keep the gun in its usual place but it was left unloaded?

would that make the other anti gun relatives happy? that way he can continue to maintain his dignity and they will not freak out over his having the gun.

MG, Unloading the guns was already suggested by one of the brothers. He is the most levelheaded of the bunch. The sister that started all of this wanted him to just go to their house and take the guns. He told them no way without talking to him first.
It is truely sad, that the anti-gun siblings are now spending vacation time with their parents, and they seem to be too chicken livered to just talk to him about the situation. Again, I'll say the driving is the biggest issue for both father & mother in law. I'm afraid both should not have access to a set of keys.
Stonecove

 

[Stonecove]

Having served in WWII and made it to the age of 87, he has earned the right to do just about anything he wants to. His "children" need to remember who they are talking to and treat him with the respect that he deserves.

Duke, I agree with your statement. These sublings are conflict adverse. Whenever there is some controvercial issue, they get on the phone with my wife who usually settles most issues. We live on 35 minutes from the inlaws in Michigan so most of the responsibility to help them has fallen on us over the years.
Stonecove

 

[Stonecove]

It sounds to me like the gentleman is aware and mentally capable. Tell them to show some respect and leave the man alone! I would, though, have a serious talk with him about driving. Try to do it in a converasational manner, and let him know there are a lot of dangerous drivers out there. Ask if he would prefer to keep driving or if he would rather have other means of transportation. Let it be his decision, though. If you try to force something he will only regret it and rebel. You might also tell him it would be a good idea to move his gun(s) when the kids are in town. You never know when some do-gooder will decide they know better than him and just take them!

A10, I like your approach and thats basically what I told my wife this morning. JUST TALK to HIM. It might turn out locking up the guns in no big deal to him. HOWEVER taking his keys will be as we have broached the subject before. Their answer is "yes we know there will be a time, but it's not today. Personally if his judgement is not good enough for a gun in the house, then he shouldn't be driving.
Stonecove

 

[DGT]

That's a really hard issue to deal with. I've been through it with my parents, the car issue, not the gun issue. In my opinion, if your FIL is clear-headed enough to drive, he is certainly competent enough to have his gun. I agree with Wyatt Burp, it sounds like your relatives are using your FIL's age as an excuse to force their anti-gun agenda on your FIL.

Talk to him, you'll be able to tell if he is competent to keep his firearm. If he is, then stick up for him. Just my opinion.

 

[Alpo]

Putting myself in his place -

Unloading my gun, but letting me keep the gun. I can keep the gun for a pacifier, so I still feel like a man, but you take the ammo so I don't hurt anyone with it because I'm not safe with a gun? Why not break the firing pin off and fill the barrel full of lead, while you're at it? Or better yet, buy one of those "non-guns" for me and switch it out. Because if I'm too stupid to realize that someone has unloaded my gun, and can't figure out how to get to the store to buy some more, then a plastic gun will probably work.

Then, instead of taking my car keys, pull the engine out of my car. That way I can still go out and sit in it and pretend to drive. I can still feel like I'm a man.

No, the "unload the gun" idea blows.

>The sister that started all of this wanted him to just go to their house and take the guns.<

I would be calling the police to report a burglary. And if it turned out to be one or more of the in-laws that did it, they would be arrested for burglary. And hopefully they would go to prison for a long long time.

"We'll just go to Grandpa's house and TAKE the guns."

"We'll just go to Grandpa's house and TAKE his television."

"We'll just go to Grandpa's house and TAKE his riding lawn mower."

"We'll just go to Grandpa's house and TAKE his Picasso."

I mean, heck, once they start coming into my house and stealing my stuff, where do they stop?

 

[A10]

A10, I like your approach and thats basically what I told my wife this morning. JUST TALK to HIM. It might turn out locking up the guns in no big deal to him. HOWEVER taking his keys will be as we have broached the subject before. Their answer is "yes we know there will be a time, but it's not today. Personally if his judgement is not good enough for a gun in the house, then he shouldn't be driving.
Stonecove

It's the voice of experience. We lost my Dad last October. He was one helluva guy. Please remind your relatives that it is far more important to enjoy and appreciate what time they have with these folks than to get their panties in a bunch over how your in-laws are choosing to live. I would suggest that if the relatives really want to do something good they spend quality time with the in-laws and start asking about their lives, then writing down what they hear. It might give them a little different view of the world, too.

 

[jag312]

>The sister that started all of this wanted him to just go to their house and take the guns.<

I would be calling the police to report a burglary. And if it turned out to be one or more of the in-laws that did it, they would be arrested for burglary. And hopefully they would go to prison for a long long time.

"We'll just go to Grandpa's house and TAKE the guns."

"We'll just go to Grandpa's house and TAKE his television."

"We'll just go to Grandpa's house and TAKE his riding lawn mower."

"We'll just go to Grandpa's house and TAKE his Picasso."

I mean, heck, once they start coming into my house and stealing my stuff, where do they stop?

If I ever get old, and if some East Coast relative ever comes to take my guns, or my art collection, or my Ferrari, or my Jaguars, or anything else I own, then they need to be prepared for a fist fight. They may win, but I will go down punching, kicking, biting, hair pulling, eye gouging, and swearing. There will be blood.