load748
Member
Pack ur bags my friend , it's not PMS.....
HUGE argument with wife
- Thread starter dcxplant
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dcxplant
Member
Well, she slept with the babe last night, and finally came in around 1am with the boy and we all finished the night together....so far so good.
We shared a cup of joe this morning so the forgiving is underway for both of us.
I've seen a lot of great responses. Thank you all. I shared because I'm sure I'm not the only one that may have had a night like I did, and also because of what I've seen/read on this forum; there are a lot of thoughtful people on here, and I was wondering what y'all thought of it.
I'm normally a pretty level-headed man, and my wife is from South Bend Indiana, so you know she's normally level-headed! We both are emotionally invested and I should have listened to her when she said she didn't want to talk about it.
Luckily for me, she will bounce back and she will eventually let logic again rule the day knowing that more laws don't equate more safety.
A couple of responses to some posters;
-We don't watch TV except prerecorded shows/movies all commercial free. We dumped cable and use Netflix/Apple TV exclusively.
-I can't control what she hears during the day, on the radio, or at her work (which has a TV).
-Her office is predominantly anti-gun. There is one particular doctor she works with that is using this tragedy, parroting the media, as a tool to advance his beliefs, which is gun-control. She works in a surgical center and is a Nurse Anesthetist. She's had an earful from these people on the day "it" happened, this past Mon, and will for I'm sure quite some time. Evidently, her office spent time between cases glued to the TV.
-I will always stand my ground, but I will always love my wife and when I make a mistake I'll always own up to it. That's not giving in, that's managing a relationship!
There is no doubt I goofed last night. I tried to have a gun control discussion days after a mass shooting of children with a wife who cries every "time of the month" from disappointment and a sense of failure because we are desperately trying to have another baby.
I joke sometimes that "momma didn't raise no dummy" but last night I put that phrase into serious peril!!
I should have just hugged her close, not said anything, and let her get through her process. But, I was as emotionally raw about this as she was, and I let my pent up feelings about the anti-gunners get the best of me.
Thanks for letting me vent. It did help.
We shared a cup of joe this morning so the forgiving is underway for both of us.
I've seen a lot of great responses. Thank you all. I shared because I'm sure I'm not the only one that may have had a night like I did, and also because of what I've seen/read on this forum; there are a lot of thoughtful people on here, and I was wondering what y'all thought of it.
I'm normally a pretty level-headed man, and my wife is from South Bend Indiana, so you know she's normally level-headed! We both are emotionally invested and I should have listened to her when she said she didn't want to talk about it.
Luckily for me, she will bounce back and she will eventually let logic again rule the day knowing that more laws don't equate more safety.
A couple of responses to some posters;
-We don't watch TV except prerecorded shows/movies all commercial free. We dumped cable and use Netflix/Apple TV exclusively.
-I can't control what she hears during the day, on the radio, or at her work (which has a TV).
-Her office is predominantly anti-gun. There is one particular doctor she works with that is using this tragedy, parroting the media, as a tool to advance his beliefs, which is gun-control. She works in a surgical center and is a Nurse Anesthetist. She's had an earful from these people on the day "it" happened, this past Mon, and will for I'm sure quite some time. Evidently, her office spent time between cases glued to the TV.
-I will always stand my ground, but I will always love my wife and when I make a mistake I'll always own up to it. That's not giving in, that's managing a relationship!
There is no doubt I goofed last night. I tried to have a gun control discussion days after a mass shooting of children with a wife who cries every "time of the month" from disappointment and a sense of failure because we are desperately trying to have another baby.
I joke sometimes that "momma didn't raise no dummy" but last night I put that phrase into serious peril!!
I should have just hugged her close, not said anything, and let her get through her process. But, I was as emotionally raw about this as she was, and I let my pent up feelings about the anti-gunners get the best of me.
Thanks for letting me vent. It did help.
JJEH
Member
If women say they don't wanna talk - they wanna talk! Because they have to get it out, what is not necessarily a bad thing. Don't be a Ray Barone who doesn't wanna talk. I can talk with my wife about EVERYTHING and it's just amazing what you can accomplish. All you need is understanding for each other. Sounds easy and it is easy... after a little training... 
Besides that, she would never turn against firearms...
All the best for you and your wife.
Besides that, she would never turn against firearms...
All the best for you and your wife.
jaykellogg
Absent Comrade
I cannot help you very much with your wife. In my experience when women argue they frequently argue based on feelings, not facts. As a matter of fact, if you refute their arguments with sound logic, they get more frustrated.
If anything I can say will be of any help at all, listen to what she is telling you. You don't have to agree with her, just do not argue. Also don't offer suggestions to "help". Just listen. She probably needs someone to hear what she says. It may sound to you like she is verbally pounding on you. If you say anything, say things like "I hear what your saying". I don't see any harm in you telling her that the killings affected you. I am not ashamed to admit that I have cried out loud for these innocent children and their parents and probably will again.
If anything I can say will be of any help at all, listen to what she is telling you. You don't have to agree with her, just do not argue. Also don't offer suggestions to "help". Just listen. She probably needs someone to hear what she says. It may sound to you like she is verbally pounding on you. If you say anything, say things like "I hear what your saying". I don't see any harm in you telling her that the killings affected you. I am not ashamed to admit that I have cried out loud for these innocent children and their parents and probably will again.
williamlayton
Member
You know, you just can't figger women out.
All the years of her complaining about my guns, last Thursday, after an incicdent I can't discuss, she was actually defending guns and people who like them.
Blessings
All the years of her complaining about my guns, last Thursday, after an incicdent I can't discuss, she was actually defending guns and people who like them.
Blessings
Wyatt Burp
Member
If women say they don't wanna talk - they wanna talk! Because they have to get it out, what is not necessarily a bad thing. Don't be a Ray Barone who doesn't wanna talk. I can talk with my wife about EVERYTHING and it's just amazing what you can accomplish. All you need is understanding for each other. Sounds easy and it is easy... after a little training...
Besides that, she would never turn against firearms...
All the best for you and your wife.
"If women say they don't wanna talk-they wanna talk!"
Wow. I didn't know Dr. Phil was on this forum. You are absolutely correct. When you hear those words, "I don't want to talk about it!" You don't hear silence. You hear the ticking of a time bomb that is going to go off real soon. Sooner if you press the matter. Later with even more intensity if you wait. I like to get it over with. But in this case time is an ally. Hopefully.
She just wanted you to listen to her vent IMHO.
Joewisc
US Veteran
My wife always says, "I don't like guns." Women are hard-wired differently than men and their maternal instincts are powerful. But she doesn't see more "gun control" as a solution to violence in America. We had a long talk about the motives of mass murderers and she feels that anyone who kills must be "mentally ill." This can be murky territory because a lawyer can always claim a defendant was "insane" at the time of a crime. It's too easy a copout, in my opinion. My argument is that premeditated murder requires some calculation and planning before the act and therefore is not spontaneous nor a "crime of passion." So I don't buy that every killer is "mentally ill," which is a convenient but misleading umbrella term that can be misused to cover a multitude of criminal behaviors.
I only own three handguns -- all revolvers -- and keep them in the house hidden from her view and always unloaded. My sole purpose for having them is target shooting and plinking. I don't hunt nor do I carry or feel the need for personal defense. We live in a very low threat area. I have no interest in acquiring a so-called "assault rifle" although I wouldn't mind owning a 10-22 but as far as I'm concerned ANY gun is dangerous if misused and the right to own firearms is among our constitutional freedoms.
Still, all the hackneyed defenses don't work in this case. After all, it was a gun that was the instrument of death in this case -- not cigarettes, cars, knives or whatever.
We both agreed,however, that the two biggest acts of terrorism in the U.S. -- 9/11 and the Oklahoma City bombing -- which tooks the lives of about 3,200 innocent people did not involve guns at all but a home-made bomb and box cutters, respectively.
I only own three handguns -- all revolvers -- and keep them in the house hidden from her view and always unloaded. My sole purpose for having them is target shooting and plinking. I don't hunt nor do I carry or feel the need for personal defense. We live in a very low threat area. I have no interest in acquiring a so-called "assault rifle" although I wouldn't mind owning a 10-22 but as far as I'm concerned ANY gun is dangerous if misused and the right to own firearms is among our constitutional freedoms.
Still, all the hackneyed defenses don't work in this case. After all, it was a gun that was the instrument of death in this case -- not cigarettes, cars, knives or whatever.
We both agreed,however, that the two biggest acts of terrorism in the U.S. -- 9/11 and the Oklahoma City bombing -- which tooks the lives of about 3,200 innocent people did not involve guns at all but a home-made bomb and box cutters, respectively.
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JJEH
Member
I have a friend that did IVF and the hormones do seem to add some emotional "stuff" to their frustration.Patience ;-)
Poodle Soup
Member
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Luckily my girl friend is in school for psychology and sees the actual problem. The guy holding the gun had mental issues and wanted to be known. This christmas is going to suck being surrounded by her family that is without a doubt going to be talking about it....... and they are probably going to be on the gun taking away side.
Pointshoot
Member
Quote:
How do you argue when they say "if it could just save ONE child"?
The problem with purely emotional responses - is that people can react in ways which are harmful.
Just one example - - - many more people have died as a result of TSA airport screenings. The reason is that many people avoid flying because of the intrusive airport screenings and all the time & hassle. They drive instead . . . and more die on the highways as a result.
Peoples fear of an event with extremely low odds of occuring (hijack and plane crash) are blinding them to take actions with a higher risk to avoid the personal intrusions (driving a long distance in a car)
IMO the "No Gun Zone" laws have been a disaster. Another 'well meaning' emotional response that has cost lives instead of saving them. Israel doesnt have near the level of problems with airplane hijackings or school shootings. Their citizens are armed.
When there is media hype, there is even more of a push to act emotionally & in ways that are wrong. This also is used by those who seek to end the 2nd Amendment.
Rather than place blame on guns - - - we should be asking questions about the common factor with all shootings of recent years. In most cases the shooters were under psychiatric care and on psychiatric drugs which can increase the odds of suicide and violent behavior. That's what should be investigated and perhaps limited. These drugs are over prescribed. You won't hear that on the media - - - Big Pharma makes a lot of money from these drugs. They pay a lot in media ad space & time.
(Even some US combat troops are on these meds - in the past, they used to be released from the military. The suicide rates for the troops are unusually high now. )
How do you argue when they say "if it could just save ONE child"?
The problem with purely emotional responses - is that people can react in ways which are harmful.
Just one example - - - many more people have died as a result of TSA airport screenings. The reason is that many people avoid flying because of the intrusive airport screenings and all the time & hassle. They drive instead . . . and more die on the highways as a result.
Peoples fear of an event with extremely low odds of occuring (hijack and plane crash) are blinding them to take actions with a higher risk to avoid the personal intrusions (driving a long distance in a car)
IMO the "No Gun Zone" laws have been a disaster. Another 'well meaning' emotional response that has cost lives instead of saving them. Israel doesnt have near the level of problems with airplane hijackings or school shootings. Their citizens are armed.
When there is media hype, there is even more of a push to act emotionally & in ways that are wrong. This also is used by those who seek to end the 2nd Amendment.
Rather than place blame on guns - - - we should be asking questions about the common factor with all shootings of recent years. In most cases the shooters were under psychiatric care and on psychiatric drugs which can increase the odds of suicide and violent behavior. That's what should be investigated and perhaps limited. These drugs are over prescribed. You won't hear that on the media - - - Big Pharma makes a lot of money from these drugs. They pay a lot in media ad space & time.
(Even some US combat troops are on these meds - in the past, they used to be released from the military. The suicide rates for the troops are unusually high now. )
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Comrad
Member
I would remind her and any other who feels that way that this is a mental illness problem and not a gun problem.
Didn't some nuts bent on mass murder take some buildings down, Oklahoma City, NYC, Washington, you get the idea.
Like we used to say in the computer business.
It's not a hardware problem it's a software problem.
Didn't some nuts bent on mass murder take some buildings down, Oklahoma City, NYC, Washington, you get the idea.
Like we used to say in the computer business.
It's not a hardware problem it's a software problem.
HAWKEYE10
Member
This post helped me to understand what may have happened. If you have not read the link in the post then do so and let your wife's read it. I just sent it in an email to my wife. Don
http://smith-wessonforum.com/lounge/283098-mental-illness-interesting-perspective.html
http://smith-wessonforum.com/lounge/283098-mental-illness-interesting-perspective.html
Comrad
Member
To answer the argument "to save one child" I say, taking guns away will only make the criminally insane seek another weapon, a bat, a car an axe. Then the usual response is well, there will be less bodies and then I say, would you like you child in a classroom with a nut with a hatchet. That usually ends the discussion.
It's not the hardware it's the software.
It's not the hardware it's the software.
Pondhill
Member
Why do so many people believe in angels, but will not believe in evil?
silentflyer
Member
Argue with a woman/wife? Why? That"s a losing deal from the get-go, one reason I never re-married after a divorce years ago..
dougb1946
Member
If you've been married more than 3 days, you know sometimes the fastest way to lose the fight is to win an argument. And the fastest way to win an argument is to say nothing, let them think it through for a few days. The "yes, Dear- no Dear-of course Dear-right away Dear" is generally good for getting past the dangerous part of the argument. Facts never win over emotions.
gregintenn
Member
My wife said if we ever wanted an AR we'd probably better go on and get one soon. Good woman!
I can sure agree with that!
As for the wife stuff, sometimes you fail in spite of your best intentions. All I can say is, "Good luck." In our society as it is now, women call the shots and if she is not thinking clearly, it is very dangerous for the family.
