HUGE argument with wife

[357larry]

I consider myself extremely fortunate with my wife. There was a gunshow in the big city this past weekend. I was in town due to my mother being in the hospital. My wife tells me that if there is anything I've been wanting to buy that I better make time to go to the gunshow and buy it because who knows what sort of legislation is going to come down now. (Wife is an enthusiast and has her CCW). Did manage to go buy a new scattergun. 18 1/2 inch barrel, extended magazine and ghost ring sights. It was a busy show.

 

[jaykellogg]

"If it only saves one child" is a bogus argument. To say a criminally insane person is going to be deterred because it is a bit harder to get the weapon he wanted is foolish. There have been mass killings in Great Britian and Norway where guns are much harder to come by. You could counter that argument that arming teachers would have cut down on the killings at CT, but probably in a year's time with armed teachers we would have a lot of accidental shootings. "If it only saves one child", what if it doesn't? We have shifted the debate from the perpetrators of these horrible crimes to the weapons they sometimes use. Suppose the nut had walked into the school with a samurai sword?

 

[LL617]

Guys, you will never get it if you approach this discussion from a right brain, rational method.

While this is awful to contemplate for anyone, a woman is programed to nurture and protect--and the smaller the one need protecting, the stronger the desire to protect and nurture [Why do you think puppies and kittens are so much more enticing than grown animals?]

Let your wives have some space. Then, slowly and carefully, talk about how you know the fathers of these children must be full of pain, anger, and rage not being able to do anything, as well as some shame mixed in because they were not there to save their child. Then you can talk about your your own feelings--the desire to protect your family, etc. You are join to have to stay calm while giving her an avenue to reconnect emotionally with you. And don't even think about joking about how she is reacting--to anyone.

Later on, you might ask her is she would join you in looking at the petition to get more help for the mentally ill. The link to the petition is https://petitions.whitehouse.gov.

I would probably keep the guns locked up for a while.

 

[perrazi]

making any decision when you are upset is formula for disaster in the future.

 

[amazingflapjack]

DCXplant-sounds like your lady has a good husband.

 

[LVSteve]

making any decision when you are upset is formula for disaster in the future.

Hard cases make bad law. Let's hope they remember that in DC.

 

[klondike]

I pointed out to several people that since Mexico has some of the tightest gun restrictions in the world it is completely safe there. If we want a country where only the gangs and police are armed will we be safer? I think the message got through.

 

[explorer13421]

Rawanda. Croatians. Cambodians. Chinese. European Jews. Russians. Armenians. Those are just the one that pop into my mind. In just the last 100 years, how many millions have been murdered, often by their own "governments" because they were denied the right to keep and bear arms? The answer is no one knows how many, but I am absolutely certain it is more than all of the spree killing victims during my lifetime.

There is a photo that haunts me of a young Jewish boy held at gunpoint by a German soldier in Warsaw, Poland, sometime during World War II. Let your wife settle down, and then show her some photos of the Holocaust, pointing out gently and lovingly that those victims were denied the right to have guns.

 

[Smith357]

Then I said something about not bringing emotions into a rational discussion

Huge mistake.

Woman are emotional creatures, it's why they are much better nurturers. Unless she is a scientist or a math teacher, logic won't work.


To any and all woman who may see these gross generalizations please forgive me, I'm just a stupid male after-all.

 

[StatesRightist]

Well, she slept with the babe last night, and finally came in around 1am with the boy and we all finished the night together....so far so good.

We shared a cup of joe this morning so the forgiving is underway for both of us.

I've seen a lot of great responses. Thank you all. I shared because I'm sure I'm not the only one that may have had a night like I did, and also because of what I've seen/read on this forum; there are a lot of thoughtful people on here, and I was wondering what y'all thought of it.

I'm normally a pretty level-headed man, and my wife is from South Bend Indiana, so you know she's normally level-headed! We both are emotionally invested and I should have listened to her when she said she didn't want to talk about it.

Luckily for me, she will bounce back and she will eventually let logic again rule the day knowing that more laws don't equate more safety.

A couple of responses to some posters;
-We don't watch TV except prerecorded shows/movies all commercial free. We dumped cable and use Netflix/Apple TV exclusively.

-I can't control what she hears during the day, on the radio, or at her work (which has a TV).

-Her office is predominantly anti-gun. There is one particular doctor she works with that is using this tragedy, parroting the media, as a tool to advance his beliefs, which is gun-control. She works in a surgical center and is a Nurse Anesthetist. She's had an earful from these people on the day "it" happened, this past Mon, and will for I'm sure quite some time. Evidently, her office spent time between cases glued to the TV.

-I will always stand my ground, but I will always love my wife and when I make a mistake I'll always own up to it. That's not giving in, that's managing a relationship!

There is no doubt I goofed last night. I tried to have a gun control discussion days after a mass shooting of children with a wife who cries every "time of the month" from disappointment and a sense of failure because we are desperately trying to have another baby.

I joke sometimes that "momma didn't raise no dummy" but last night I put that phrase into serious peril!!

I should have just hugged her close, not said anything, and let her get through her process. But, I was as emotionally raw about this as she was, and I let my pent up feelings about the anti-gunners get the best of me.

Thanks for letting me vent. It did help.

My post wasn't aimed specifically at you, but a general comment for those having issues. It sounds like you guys have got the right idea controlling what comes in your home.

Nurse Anesthesiologist huh, don't screw that up...lol, sounds like she's done well.

Dude, we all vent on our spouses, then about the time you think, I really settled that, the little voice in the back of your head says Duck!!. It happens, a wise man told me words last a lifetime, so be sure you really want to say them, they will never be forgotten. Good advice.

It sounds like she's feeling a ton of emotion from all sides, you hit the nail on the head, support her. You've learned something, she'll move on from it. Make the mistake worth it by remembering next time.

Finally, more advice from a wise sage I know, you want to win the argument I get it, just be wise enough to realize you don't have to win it at this moment. Like many things in life, timing is key.

You sound like a good guy, she sounds like a good girl. You are each others back-up in life, treat each other like it. It gets easier as you get older and mellow.

Merry Christmas.

 

[Pointshoot]

Rawanda. Croatians. Cambodians. Chinese. European Jews. Russians. Armenians. Those are just the one that pop into my mind. In just the last 100 years, how many millions have been murdered, often by their own "governments" because they were denied the right to keep and bear arms? The answer is no one knows how many, but I am absolutely certain it is more than all of the spree killing victims during my lifetime.

There is a photo that haunts me of a young Jewish boy held at gunpoint by a German soldier in Warsaw, Poland, sometime during World War II. Let your wife settle down, and then show her some photos of the Holocaust, pointing out gently and lovingly that those victims were denied the right to have guns.

There was a post earlier in this forum on 'the Elephant in the room'. But, I think you bring up the real elephant - - - and the real reason for the 2nd Amendment. Likely that most of us here know that its not ultimately about hunting, or crime, or mass shootings. The writers of the Bill of Rights knew this. Most Americans don't seem to know this today. And probably most 'can't handle the truth' so we steer around the subject when talking to them.

In fact, if you even go there many people don't want to hear it. And don't even mention the National Defense Authorization Act and provisions which allow the executive branch to imprison or kill anyone without trial or even letting the persons family know what happened to them. (Just do a websearch to verify this for yourself. Check out mainstream news sources.)

 

[Straightshooter2]

How do you argue when they say "if it could just save ONE child"?

You ask why they are not as irate over more than 200 children killed in 2010 by drunk drivers. You ask why isn't it a felony to drive drunk with a child in the car (111 of the children killed in 2010 were in the car with the drunk driver). You ask why they aren't as irate over the 27 people killed by drunk drivers the same day as the school shooting. And the 27 the day before and the 27 the day after and the 27 every single day of the year. 20 children killed in one act is horrific and should not be minimized but when over 200 children are killed by drunk drivers every year, why isn't that 10 times as horrific? Because it's spaced out over a year, that's why. And politicians, judges, sheriffs, police chiefs, high ranking fire department officials and voters drive drunk so no one is going to do anything about it. </rant off>

CW

Note: I use 2010 because that is the last year I have figures for.

 

[kamloops67]

phoned a friend to come by for tea earlier,cause my wife works late tonight. he doesnt own guns, but ive taken him out a couple times ,thought he enjoyed himself... well before the phone call ended the recent tragedy was mentioned we took opposing sides . hes not coming over .im MAD i feel like he has betrayed me ...i want him to cough up for all my bullets he shot ! lol
this issue is dividing us, our friendships, relationships all .
my wife wants to conceal carry, (prohibited by law here since 1935 i think) ,so shes even more pro gun now than ever .she believes that if the principal or somebody had been armed in defense of these innocents things would have turned out differently. i dont know i just wish sheeple werent so stupid.

 

[YogiBear]

Aloha,

The Wife said that if she were a teacher, she'd be packing and

Not say anything to anyone.

Don't mess with a pissed off Mama Bear in Protect mode.

I don't call her BattleAxe for nothing, Yes, I did get her a battleaxe.

She's fully aware that you can't reason with emotions and some

people are totally clueless bubble heads.

 

[dcxplant]

I have a friend that did IVF and the hormones do seem to add some emotional "stuff" to their frustration.Patience ;-)

Patience and a TON of money!

We've spent thousands and thousands.... I finally had to cry uncle after we raided my 401k (self-loan) for the second time in this endeavor.

We need to recover financially before we can try any more procedures. Unfortunately, every month that goes buy....

 

[arjay]

The science is amazing,but so is the expense! She told me she had spent almost $70k and 3 years trying.It did work finally.Twins!

 

[CGhelofxr]

Had the "same argument" with my wife Saturday, I tried to explain that the shooter was mentally unstable and his first was his own mother. All that did was throw my wife into one of her anti-gun rants, I also tried to explain that we didn't know all of the facts yet so dont point fingers, that went nowhere.
I have a feeling the next fight will be when I tell her I am not getting rid of my guns.

 

[Delos]

My wife is fed up with the media shoving cameras in crying peoples faces day after day. (They must get a bonus for the "Money Shot")

I am shocked that you do not have a pre-nuptial agreement about wanta-be dictators taking peoples guns. When the pendulum swings the other way get a Post Nuptial.

Remember that story about when this country was owned by English Royalty. Remember when they still taught that stuff in school. We had to learn to make our own guns, gunpowder, and buy gun from France.

Today every kid learns to made flamethrowers and old Atom Bombs in science class.

 

[Prof_Fate]

Hmmm....fri shooting. Sat the family (kids and wife too) attended an Appleseed shoot, one person had an AR and my son has a MP15-22.
And she's about of 'that age' too.
Perhaps because she is a psycho therapist by trade she very much understands the mental health issues involved and how difficult it can be to deal with them (be that family or society).

We've had a few random shootings here - one in a hospital, one in a LA Fitness and not long ago one in her old HS.

No fights here....so take your wife shooting!
Better yet, get 10 copies of the shooters pic for her to shoot.
Therapy!

 

[Pointshoot]

I'll let the guys having some challenges talking to their wives do the research for themselves . . . but its also a good idea to look into the odds of various events happening. That is, death by auto accident, bathroom falls, airline crashes, hospital visits, lightening strikes, etc, etc. Fact is, given the number of people in this country, these are extremely rare and unlikely occurences. You'll have to check it out for yourselves, but I looked into it after Columbine and the odds of being a victim of such an event is far less than being struck by lightening.
There are those who are hyping such a rare event for their own political advantage. They are using emotional manipulation; they know it usually is more effective in moving most people than evidence & logic.

Probably the most effective things we could do include demanding a hard look at the impact of psychiatric medications that increase the odds of suicidal and violent behavior in people. (Did you know that drug companies knew of these effects and purposely tried to cover up the facts on this ?)

Another effective action would be to repeal "No Gun Zone" laws, so that citizens with concealed carry permits could put doubt in the minds of these killers, and respond quickly. - - - We should be on the offensive, and push this, rather than being defensive. Places like Israel and Switzerland where there are many armed citizens present don't have such problems. Of course, many will react emotionally to such a proposal. To do so contributes to the problem (such as it is) continuing.

When the rare serial killer performs his evil actions, do people think there is a spike in the number of serial killlers ? Of course not, they recognize them as rare, sick nut jobs. People are being manipulated to look at an object (guns) in order to try to end peoples right to effectively defend themselves from predators. IMO we can never forget this.

This is a good topic, because emotional reaction & decision making seems to be more common in our society - - - and not just by the women.