You Know, Sometimes I Can Be A Real Jerk
- Thread starter Smoke
- Start date
Maddog 521
Member
I think your response was ok, in that situation. I've had people ask me for money and cigarettes and my response is usually "go get a job and support yourself". Some might think it's not the right one but it's me in the situation not anyone else. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Shootbrownelk
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Dude, you live in CO. Whas the prob? Smoke some herb, and mellow
Ahhhh, just what the country needs right now, another stoned slacker.
hangnoose
Member
ONLY SOMETIMES?
Then you are WAY ahead of the curve. Trust your instincts, they are way more often than not correct. It's POSSIBLE the guys buddy MAY HAVE just lit up his last smoke, OR it was a ruse to distract you. Another tact (in hindsight) may have been to ASK them not to crowd the doorway while smoking, as you have asthma & the police have been cracking down on loiterers and break ins and tenants are nervous. NO we may not be able to cash the checks as well, but our senses & being able to read people/body language is likely better. PS, I feel bad for the dog, Caesar provoked it more than once and sort of backed it into a corner, (he should have known MUCH better) the dog looked both scared & sorry, too bad it didn't bite him in a "more sensitive" area.
Then you are WAY ahead of the curve. Trust your instincts, they are way more often than not correct. It's POSSIBLE the guys buddy MAY HAVE just lit up his last smoke, OR it was a ruse to distract you. Another tact (in hindsight) may have been to ASK them not to crowd the doorway while smoking, as you have asthma & the police have been cracking down on loiterers and break ins and tenants are nervous. NO we may not be able to cash the checks as well, but our senses & being able to read people/body language is likely better. PS, I feel bad for the dog, Caesar provoked it more than once and sort of backed it into a corner, (he should have known MUCH better) the dog looked both scared & sorry, too bad it didn't bite him in a "more sensitive" area.
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Protected One
Member
OLD COP keeps talking about how he's "to old to do this or that"....I'll bet in reality he's "Clint Eastwood" old. Meaning, if you mess with me it will be the LAST person you mess with!
manyguns
Member
Sometimes bad people and just stupid people use the same lines. I don't spend time trying to tell the difference. If I am approached, or an attempt is made to draw me into a conversation I don't need to be in with a stranger I use a similar response. I also seem to posses a "mean face" according to my wife & kids, even though I am not a mean person. A quick response and my natural "charm" seems to keep them away. I usually don't stop moving for those types of situation either. If people want to get to know you that is not the setting.
I was at Casa Bonita in Denver with about four 12 to 15 yr. old girls. In the parking lot a homeless guy came up to them and started trying to get within 4 ft. of them panhandling. I walked over and used a command voice telling him to be gone Right Now. Of course the girls thought I was a big meany. Then I explained to them what he might have had in mind and how my options would have been limited if he had gotten his hands on one of them.
I was at Casa Bonita in Denver with about four 12 to 15 yr. old girls. In the parking lot a homeless guy came up to them and started trying to get within 4 ft. of them panhandling. I walked over and used a command voice telling him to be gone Right Now. Of course the girls thought I was a big meany. Then I explained to them what he might have had in mind and how my options would have been limited if he had gotten his hands on one of them.
Brian41
Member
Smoke, I don't think you did anything out of line and doubt they think much of anything of your fist encounter other than they can't mooch from you. I do smoke but cigars only and always decline a smoke just by saying no. I consider a request like that as a chance to get closer to me and a possible robbery.
On the other hand these days I mostly keep my mouth shut where in days past may have had something to say. Seems safer and what I say wouldn't do any good besides. I always carry and am concerned my speech or actions could be thought to have provoked something.
On the other hand these days I mostly keep my mouth shut where in days past may have had something to say. Seems safer and what I say wouldn't do any good besides. I always carry and am concerned my speech or actions could be thought to have provoked something.
hangnoose
Member
ONE OF my many being a jerk moments
1983 Denver app 2 something am, I hear, (from my ground floor apt in a bad area of town) a group of teens hanging out on the street near my motorcycle. I go out with a 12ga pump behind my back & politely ask them to move along as the hour and being so close to my bike was making me nervous. Now they didn't look like real bad gang kids, but kind of ignored my request, thinking who is this 1 guy telling us to "move along", until I swung up the shotgun & racked the action, NOT POINTING IT AT THEM. They moved along BUT one of the kids was my landlords son & I had to find a new appt.
1983 Denver app 2 something am, I hear, (from my ground floor apt in a bad area of town) a group of teens hanging out on the street near my motorcycle. I go out with a 12ga pump behind my back & politely ask them to move along as the hour and being so close to my bike was making me nervous. Now they didn't look like real bad gang kids, but kind of ignored my request, thinking who is this 1 guy telling us to "move along", until I swung up the shotgun & racked the action, NOT POINTING IT AT THEM. They moved along BUT one of the kids was my landlords son & I had to find a new appt.
LaflinRand
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Sounds like a "hey, sorry bout the other day, I didn't recognize you guys from the apts and I kinda like to keep an eye on things" would solve the whole situation.
LoboGunLeather
US Veteran
My business used to be in a commercial building housing dozens of offices and shops. Close to the river, a major bridge, and a few blocks from a homeless shelter. Panhandlers and moochers became a daily irritant. Thefts from parked cars was frequent. Transients were found camped in stairwells and restrooms. Other residents, knowing I'm a retired cop, asked me what could be done (many of the ladies were becoming scared to come and go from the parking lot, others started carrying stacks of dollar bills to "pay the toll").
What I told them was simple: TAKE DOWN THE BIRD FEEDER.
1. With property owner's permission we posted signs "PRIVATE PROPERTY. TENANTS AND GUESTS ONLY. TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED".
2. Ladies came and went in groups of two or more. Many of us offered to escort anyone to or from the parking lot. I made exceptions to my usual rule of no open carrying, holstered handgun readily visible, Maglite in hand after dark.
3. Every request for money or cigarettes was responded to with "NO".
4. Every moocher was told "This is private property. If you have no business here you are trespassing". Any that did not leave immediately resulted in a call for police. Every time the police were called it was made clear that we were willing to sign a complaint and go to court; just vacating the premises was not enough after failing to leave when told to do so.
Didn't take long at all. Word spread around the neighborhood quickly. Very seldom any problems beyond a little foul language or one-finger salute as they walked away.
What I told them was simple: TAKE DOWN THE BIRD FEEDER.
1. With property owner's permission we posted signs "PRIVATE PROPERTY. TENANTS AND GUESTS ONLY. TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED".
2. Ladies came and went in groups of two or more. Many of us offered to escort anyone to or from the parking lot. I made exceptions to my usual rule of no open carrying, holstered handgun readily visible, Maglite in hand after dark.
3. Every request for money or cigarettes was responded to with "NO".
4. Every moocher was told "This is private property. If you have no business here you are trespassing". Any that did not leave immediately resulted in a call for police. Every time the police were called it was made clear that we were willing to sign a complaint and go to court; just vacating the premises was not enough after failing to leave when told to do so.
Didn't take long at all. Word spread around the neighborhood quickly. Very seldom any problems beyond a little foul language or one-finger salute as they walked away.
Protected One
Member
And THAT'S how it's done!
The proper steps (with conviction), and no concern for any "PC" responses will bring the desired results 10 times out of 10.
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You're lucky you didn't spend the night in the clink...
model70hunter
Member
Smoke, saying nope and moving along might help. Watch your back. A punk calling the cops when you told them no for panhandling? Think not, most of those folks don't want the boys in blue around.
When my job took me to the St. Louis Metro area we rented an apartment for a year. Then bought a house.
Nice area, I looked in the complex parking lots, very nice cars, several folks were pilots for airlines or worked on the boats. They were just like us in that they rented until they bought a home.
Within 6 months I noticed changes in vehicles,they were much older, rusty and not maintained. The newer renters moving in were not so nice.
A young pilot and his bride lived across the hall from us. We got along great, super nice folks. Two stoners moved into the apartment next to him. They had a LOUD stereo system. Put it in their bedroom next to the pilots bedroom and played it full blast 24x7. HE called management, the lady in charge never did anything, her goal was to keep the apartments full and rented. The bass rattled our front door also.
He spoke with them, nicely asking them to turn it down so he could sleep and safely fly folks. He called the cops who asked them to turn it down, which they did until the squad car was gone.
One evening I came home from work, my neighbor was standing on his deck, he was distraught, at wits end on not getting their music turned down. I knocked on their door. One of the stoners opened the door I'm in a suit and tie. He shoved the door shut in my face somehow my foot stuck in the opening. Some how the door got shoved back in his face. I saw the music set up, a mattress on the floor and lots of tin foil spread on the cabinets. They weren't making hats. I told them I have friends on the force, I am an ex-policeman. I want the music turned down very low and from what I see and smell my friends on the force will be by soon. They left that night and were not seen there again.
Could I have been in trouble for this? My initial assessment of the pair was fairly accurate. Now if they would have been different my actions would have too.
Shortly thereafter my wife said I want out of here, I don't feel safe and we found the perfect house.
We retired and are living in our rental home until we get the house built on the farm. The guy that lived next to us bought a bigger home, he has one group home and converted the old house to another group home. A group home is for kids that have issues and can't live at home and their petty crimes are not enough to keep them in jail. Sort of like an adult halfway house. Most of these kids are high level MRDD.
They walk by and ask me for a smoke, they stare at the house and doors, they want to know the labs name and want to pet them, one night we came home from the farm right after dark but early. Think the above was them casing us? The next morning in the grass next to the porch steps was a flat pry bar which is a construction tool and also an important piece in a burglers break in kit.
I knew better but forgot my Zippo lighter and a pack of smokes on the porch table which was gone the next morning. Several days later the butane BBQ lighter was gone along with some small stuff.
I asked the one who kept asking for smokes who took it and they need to bring it back. I told him no cigarettes, he is 17, don't ever ask again and keep out of my yard forever.
I spoke to the guy who has the home, he said yea they'll do that and he's had to call the cops on them a few times. I told him to make sure they all understand that they are to keep away from my yard and house. They have not been back.
I have learned that if someone needs it one can chew them out at the right time. Key is they need it and right time. Doesn't matter if they are Pres of something or a curly haired new 1st line manager at a big box store.
When my job took me to the St. Louis Metro area we rented an apartment for a year. Then bought a house.
Nice area, I looked in the complex parking lots, very nice cars, several folks were pilots for airlines or worked on the boats. They were just like us in that they rented until they bought a home.
Within 6 months I noticed changes in vehicles,they were much older, rusty and not maintained. The newer renters moving in were not so nice.
A young pilot and his bride lived across the hall from us. We got along great, super nice folks. Two stoners moved into the apartment next to him. They had a LOUD stereo system. Put it in their bedroom next to the pilots bedroom and played it full blast 24x7. HE called management, the lady in charge never did anything, her goal was to keep the apartments full and rented. The bass rattled our front door also.
He spoke with them, nicely asking them to turn it down so he could sleep and safely fly folks. He called the cops who asked them to turn it down, which they did until the squad car was gone.
One evening I came home from work, my neighbor was standing on his deck, he was distraught, at wits end on not getting their music turned down. I knocked on their door. One of the stoners opened the door I'm in a suit and tie. He shoved the door shut in my face somehow my foot stuck in the opening. Some how the door got shoved back in his face. I saw the music set up, a mattress on the floor and lots of tin foil spread on the cabinets. They weren't making hats. I told them I have friends on the force, I am an ex-policeman. I want the music turned down very low and from what I see and smell my friends on the force will be by soon. They left that night and were not seen there again.
Could I have been in trouble for this? My initial assessment of the pair was fairly accurate. Now if they would have been different my actions would have too.
Shortly thereafter my wife said I want out of here, I don't feel safe and we found the perfect house.
We retired and are living in our rental home until we get the house built on the farm. The guy that lived next to us bought a bigger home, he has one group home and converted the old house to another group home. A group home is for kids that have issues and can't live at home and their petty crimes are not enough to keep them in jail. Sort of like an adult halfway house. Most of these kids are high level MRDD.
They walk by and ask me for a smoke, they stare at the house and doors, they want to know the labs name and want to pet them, one night we came home from the farm right after dark but early. Think the above was them casing us? The next morning in the grass next to the porch steps was a flat pry bar which is a construction tool and also an important piece in a burglers break in kit.
I knew better but forgot my Zippo lighter and a pack of smokes on the porch table which was gone the next morning. Several days later the butane BBQ lighter was gone along with some small stuff.
I asked the one who kept asking for smokes who took it and they need to bring it back. I told him no cigarettes, he is 17, don't ever ask again and keep out of my yard forever.
I spoke to the guy who has the home, he said yea they'll do that and he's had to call the cops on them a few times. I told him to make sure they all understand that they are to keep away from my yard and house. They have not been back.
I have learned that if someone needs it one can chew them out at the right time. Key is they need it and right time. Doesn't matter if they are Pres of something or a curly haired new 1st line manager at a big box store.
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MOONDAWG
US Veteran
I subscribe to the old axiom...
"Which is better to not speak and be thought a fool or open one's mouth and remove all doubt?"
Many times I've had to remind "myself" to...
Put brain in gear before putting mouth in motion.
Silence can be golden...there, I think I've used all the cliche's I could think of...good luck and God's speed.
"Which is better to not speak and be thought a fool or open one's mouth and remove all doubt?"
Many times I've had to remind "myself" to...
Put brain in gear before putting mouth in motion.
Silence can be golden...there, I think I've used all the cliche's I could think of...good luck and God's speed.
Waywatcher
Member
Yeah, dont ask questions like that--ask open questions instead like:
Smoke: Hi, where you from?
Open ended questions in a friendly tone is how I generally respond--until I have a reason not to be. I am not a big talker so I like asking open ended questions.
turbo6
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Looking back, most problems I had with neighbors were a result of living in larger apartment complexes. It's inevitable living close to so many other people, domestic problems are bound to arise.
Over the years I've had my windshield busted, windows broken, petty car thefts, an attempt to steal my car, random weirdos knocking on your door with nonsensical questions, parking squabbles, moochers, insane neighbors etc
We finally came to our breaking point after living next to a bipolar guy for several nightmarish years. We initially befriended him and some of his grown kids but once they moved out he started having personal issues with his divorce, cancer etc. At that point, we started distancing ourselves but remained friends with his son and his wife.
One day when I was working the sons wife called my wife at home asking for a ride. Apparently the son and his wife had a huge fight and in turn she wanted to take their son and go to her mom's house.
My wife agreed and did so. Our neighbor, the son's dad, came home and found out about the situation and was livid. He proceeded to walk outside with a baseball bat, cursing loudly and started angrily wacking away at a tree and then came to our doorstep, smacking the stairs and yelling.
At the time I was about 5 minutes away, driving home when I got the call from my wife, distraught and crying. I pulled in, gun drawn, and got him off our porch pretty quickly.
Not only did that mark the only time I've ever drew a weapon on someone, it marked the end of apartment dwelling for us.
We got a house shortly after and have been much happier since. *
(* excluding lawn mowing, which I hate)
Over the years I've had my windshield busted, windows broken, petty car thefts, an attempt to steal my car, random weirdos knocking on your door with nonsensical questions, parking squabbles, moochers, insane neighbors etc
We finally came to our breaking point after living next to a bipolar guy for several nightmarish years. We initially befriended him and some of his grown kids but once they moved out he started having personal issues with his divorce, cancer etc. At that point, we started distancing ourselves but remained friends with his son and his wife.
One day when I was working the sons wife called my wife at home asking for a ride. Apparently the son and his wife had a huge fight and in turn she wanted to take their son and go to her mom's house.
My wife agreed and did so. Our neighbor, the son's dad, came home and found out about the situation and was livid. He proceeded to walk outside with a baseball bat, cursing loudly and started angrily wacking away at a tree and then came to our doorstep, smacking the stairs and yelling.
At the time I was about 5 minutes away, driving home when I got the call from my wife, distraught and crying. I pulled in, gun drawn, and got him off our porch pretty quickly.
Not only did that mark the only time I've ever drew a weapon on someone, it marked the end of apartment dwelling for us.
We got a house shortly after and have been much happier since. *
(* excluding lawn mowing, which I hate)
