Fantastic Firearms Fables and Tall Tales from Townies.

[CAJUNLAWYER]

Some of the tall tales I would tell my kids....
Back when I went on "secret patrols" we had to travel light. That meant no night vision goggles so we had to eat carrots all the time for improved vision. Or the time I spent three days under water breathing out of a reed waiting for the viet congs to leave the area, ... Fun stuff...the more outrageous the better...of course they were sworn to secrecy since if these stories got out, daddy's security clearance would be revolked. Never told them about the time I killed the terrorist by shooting him with a 22 through a potato to silence it. thought they were too young for that one

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

One of the Vietnam stories was that "they" could fire our 5.56 ammo out of their 7.62 bore AKs. Never met any one whoch actually did it or saw it done
and the accuracy...?
I doubt if any of those old time hunters ever had an eye exam. I had my eyes examined last year-for the first time in 21 years-and I don't live in Ultimate Thule. Amazing how clearer the sights are now.
The lookouts on the Titanic probably never had their eyes examined and they weren't issued binoculars.
A favorite of mine is hearing how a muzzle loading cannon crew was in a stadium-usually West Point-the gun went off prematurely and tore off the arm of one of the crew. I did RevWar artillery for several years, the bore is searched and wet mopped between shots, 2x in drill and demonstrations, 1x in combat precisely to prevent such occurences.

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

I worked as a security guard for 15 years. One of the reasons I so enjoyed working alone was that if I wasn't working alone I was SURROUNDED by people whose eyes are brown (As in they were full of something that made their eyes brown).

I had one guy that told me he was pulling gate guard on some secret Navy base in the jungles of Puerto Rico when a Puerto Rican "National" jumped the fence and came after him. He stated that he emptied three magazines into the guy before the guy dropped. The problem is he didn't State what weapon he was carrying. So if he was carrying a 1911 he shot the guy 21 times. If he was carrying an M9 he shot the guy 45 times and if he was carrying an M16 he shot the guy NINETY times. Of course I would also get to work and have this guy tell me that he had to suspend foot patrols of the fense line because there was too much snow (1/4 inch) on the ground.

I ran into another guy on the same site who told me that he had 22 years in Special Operations Command I don't think he was older than 35. He informed me that there was a defect with the Glock design that would cause the gun to repeatedly and predictably start shooting full auto. I'm not an expert but if I understand it right if you can repeatedly get your gun to shoot full automatic the ATF calls that a machine gun.

The guy then informed me that the only suitable round for a real man to carry was a .45 ACP. He then told me that he open carried his .45 everywhere he went and that police cars pulled over to thank him for his service to the community routinely.

Then there was a guy that worked as a PMC for Halliburton. He invaded both Kosovo and Iraq as a security guard. He also had millions of dollars stashed in numbered by bank accounts in Switzerland and he was just killing time as a gate guard at the Olympic Training Center until it was time for him and his wife to retire and leave the country forever.

ANd we have a winna!
Old cajun had a sayin when eveyone was throwing around stories...."First liar ain't got a chance"

 

[Nomadmax]

For the most part, I let BS slide. Except, if someone claims they were in the Marine Corps, they better be able to convince me in 10 seconds or I call them on it. And when I do so, it's "You're a liar, you never served in the Corps". I paid full price for the Eagle, Globe and Anchor, I'll be damned if I let it slide when someone claims it and didn't earn it.

 

[growr]

And one time at a 3 mile range Super Secret match for BSers only, the wind was blowing so hard that it blew the bullet right back into my barrel.

The shooter to my right got his front sight bent!!!

I still out shot Gecko 45 who was sure he would win it all, but I just chambered another round and shot TWO X's with one round and won the Secret match for BS'ers only Championship!

Yep, that 10-22 can sure shoot!

Randy

 

[LVSteve]

That's the long intro to the sad but entertaining fact that we can walk into almost any watering hole from the mid Atlantic states to Key West, up around Florida and along the panhandle to Pensacola, and be confident that if the subject of diving comes up we'll almost certainly encounter someone who'll tell us they learned to dive in "SEAL school".

Apparently that whole section of the Atlantic and gulf coasts is awash in retired seals.

Walk into any pub in Herefordshire, England, after the beer has been flowing for a while and you will hear many conversations starting with "Well, when I was in an unnamed place with the SAS...". Uh-huh.

 

[The Gila Bender]

The only gun stories I embellish are those about my non-lettered S&W's, ya know, the ones that were used by famous outlaws, famous lawmen, Theodore Roosevelt, George Patton, and Elmer Keith.

Keith owned .44 Mag serial #S147220, mine is serial #S147233, which is close enough for gun shop puffery.

 

[Drm50]

I have a story that is more or less opposite. In my real early 20s I use to stop every night for couple beers in a friends bar. He was right across the street from the only big office building in the small town. Many Docs, lawyers, ect grabbed a quick one at quitting time. This was back in the Dirty Harry 44 days. I had brought one for a guy to look at and had it in a sack. An Insurance Agent who was a regular asked me what was in the bag and when I told him a 44 he got interested. One thing led to another and he ask me if I was interested in a trade. He had a Automatic 45 Army Revolver. I said you mean a 45acp revolver. He said no, a Automatic Army Revolver. I said you mean a Army 45 1911. No, now he's getting POed and I told him he was full of it. Another one of those guys who is full of BS. Made him so mad he stormed out of the joint. 20minutes later he comes back in with a Webley Foosberry automatic revolver. I think it's the only one I've ever seen in the flesh. He was mad and wouldn't even talk deal and called me Mr. Know it All till his dying day.

 

[RCL-09]

The "Elevator" gun...

Because at any distance greater than the inside of an elevator it is useless.

 

[Chuck24]

Many years ago, when I tended to stay quiet around such things, I heard a gun shop employee, offering advice to his customers. The first jewel was to a woman he was showing a gun too;"If anyone "messes" (He used a more colorful word) with you, just point this at him and pull the trigger 'till it stops shooting." Even at my age and state of ignorance, I thought, "Define, "messes" with you?"

Then a few minutes later I hear the same character telling another customer "It's easy to do a trigger job on a Smith and Wesson. All you have to do is take out the screws and pry the sideplate off." It went downhill from there. (That was a lesson I had learned the hard way, when I did just that with the first Model 19 I ever bought. Don't do that.)

One other one, but this one was a little funnier. A fellow in a small shop run by a buddy of mine was telling everybody about his "Smith and Wesson, 257 magnum." My buddy chucked and said "You mean a 357 magnum." No, no, he insisted. A 257 magnum. My buddy said, "You better hold onto that one, because it's the only one they ever made." Guy stops, then says, "Maybe it is a 357 Magnum."

I got that when I bought my first 327. Go in the shop, they'd laugh at me and give me a box of 357.

 

[Bald1]

I hate when guys talk about and exaggerate their military service. Or they exaggerate their kids service. I worked with a guy who when asked what his son did in the Army he'd reply "he's an assassin". He would say this with a straight face. He'd say he disappears for months at a time. Mind you I've seen his son. 5'6" about 200lbs. And it ain't all muscle if you know what I mean. He was the butt of a lot of jokes.

 

[Echo40]

And one time at a 3 mile range Super Secret match for BSers only, the wind was blowing so hard that it blew the bullet right back into my barrel.

The shooter to my right got his front sight bent!!!

I still out shot Gecko 45 who was sure he would win it all, but I just chambered another round and shot TWO X's with one round and won the Secret match for BS'ers only Championship!

Yep, that 10-22 can sure shoot!

Randy

Speaking of Gecko45, I'm a little disappointed that we haven't heard any tall tales told by Security Guards yet...

I worked part-tims as a Security Guard at a major department store for about 2-½ years and it was honestly a pretty boring job in which I mostly just stared at monitors all day, patrolled the isles/areas where their was no camera coverage, and occasionally had to go check something out.
Literally the most interesting thing that ever happened was when I had to stop a woman who was suspiciously walking around carrying something under her jacket, which humorously ended up being a Chihuahua. No seriously, she didn't want to leave her dog alone in the car, so she put it inside her jacket, zipped it up, and was carrying it around with her inside the store.
I just laughed and let her go about her business, because there were no rules against having pets inside the store, and frankly even if there were I still would have let it slide.

I have a story that is more or less opposite. In my real early 20s I use to stop every night for couple beers in a friends bar. He was right across the street from the only big office building in the small town. Many Docs, lawyers, ect grabbed a quick one at quitting time. This was back in the Dirty Harry 44 days. I had brought one for a guy to look at and had it in a sack. An Insurance Agent who was a regular asked me what was in the bag and when I told him a 44 he got interested. One thing led to another and he ask me if I was interested in a trade. He had a Automatic 45 Army Revolver. I said you mean a 45acp revolver. He said no, a Automatic Army Revolver. I said you mean a Army 45 1911. No, now he's getting POed and I told him he was full of it. Another one of those guys who is full of BS. Made him so mad he stormed out of the joint. 20minutes later he comes back in with a Webley Foosberry automatic revolver. I think it's the only one I've ever seen in the flesh. He was mad and wouldn't even talk deal and called me Mr. Know it All till his dying day.

Ouch, did you make the trade though? Webley Fosberry Revolvers are extremely rare.

 

[sceva]

I have heard a lot of BS over the years. A couple that stick out are:

A young man upon hearing I had a .45 Auto Colt; How can you stand to shoot it, he knew a guy in the service that fired one for the first time and it broke his wrist and arm the kick was so bad.

Also' loading ammo for a dear hunt; Resize, primer powder, some salt then a bullet. He shot them so far away that he needed the salt to preserve the meat until he got there to dress it out.

 

[Gene L]

Well, at least he had a sense of humor.

 

[Libraryboard]

A couple of true great shot stories

First one is on me. In basic training (M14s) I made Sharpshooter instead of Marksman, by, I think my last shot. What I think happened is that the target was going down just as I fired, and I got credit for hitting it (probably missed by a mile!)
The best shot I ever saw was a friend's son. We were on a hog hunt, and most of the shots were close and the hogs were not moving. But this kid, about 15 or so, using a bolt action Mauser type sporter (some foreign cartridge), with a scope(!), nailed a hog running from right to left, going pretty fast, and at least 30 - 40 yards or so. We were stunned!

 

[Golddollar]

This type of thing worked the other way for me. I was in a fast food place getting lunch. I was wearing a POW/MIA bracelet and the young man at the counter said the coffee was free and thanked me for my service. I told him that it wasn't me who served, it was my grandfather. He still paid for my coffee in honor of my grandfather. I just didn't want any whiff of stolen valor to attach to me.

 

[dwh]

It's not limited to just firearms and hunting. Why just this very day during lunch. One of my young IT guy regaled us on why he wouldn't buy a house in western Pennsylvania on a hill or mountains. You see the Appalachian mountains are just in their infancy and still growing. (They haven't moved in 250 million years.)They are growing inch's to feet a year and that's what cracks the basements and foundations. He went on for an hour. He also informed us that different wild mushrooms taste like different meats depending on what trees they grow on. I swear to god that the internet is making us dumber.

 

[tops]

Those Old Timers are the best story tellers. My pappy liked to tell a story of how he ruined his favorite hunting rifle. Took a shot at a deer that was so far away that it strained the barrel. ..

John

Tales like that are just jokes for laughs and not told for truth.
A friend told me that a guy from North Dakota told him that the winters were so cold the water would freeze in a 40 ft. well. A man from West Virginia told me that during heavy rains the creeks would raise so high that you could walk under them. The river was so muddy that when I pulled out the fish it left a hole in the river. For me there is a difference in a tall tale and a lie told for the truth. Larry

 

[TheHobbyist]

I agree with the sentiments of MulePacker, there is something off or missing in folks lives who share these stories…unless for comedic effect. I also feel a bit sad for them too, because I think at the root of the issue or partially is that they are seeking acceptance or acknowledgment.

I tune it out.

 

[diyj98]

One of the Vietnam stories was that "they" could fire our 5.56 ammo out of their 7.62 bore AKs. Never met any one whoch actually did it or saw it done
and the accuracy...?
.

I had a guy tell me the same story. I tried to explain that even if the round went off somehow, the gas's blow by would rob pretty much all the velocity, the accuracy would be terrible, and the AK wouldn't cycle.

I had a friend who was a new second lieutenant at the time tell me that the M16 bullet came out of the barrel tumbling so that it would tear a bigger hole when it hit someone. That sure would make accurate shots a bit tough