ARE FORMAL FAMILY REUNIONS NOW OUT OF DATE?

[Golddollar]

This question has know been coming up with me, so I finally decided to make use of the collective experiences and observations of the Forum. For decades, two family groups I was related to had formal annual family reunions that for a lot of years were very well attended. It was a chance to spend some time with family members who were a little more distantly related to me than my aunts, uncles, grandparents and first cousins. These events were organized by family members who for years and years were considered to be in charge.

But as time went on, members of the oldest generations died or got too infirm to attend. The younger generations as they grew up and were on their own didn't come to the reunions. The family members who had been organizing the reunions died or got tired or infirm, and nobody stepped up to replace them. There weren't any family feuds or anything like that, just an apparent diminution in interest in participating to the point that the family reunions stopped being held.

I'm now seeing this pattern repeat and I'm wondering if formal family reunions are being done much anymore. Anybody got an idea?

 

[Rustyt1953]

No clue. I've never been to one.

 

[Chuck24]

In our case, a lot of the people are out of date

 

[444 Magnum]

We used to have them on my mother's and father's side. As the older generation is passing on and the subsequent generations are scattered abroad, the reunions are fading away.

 

[gdodgen]

I find this interesting. Within my lifetime, I have seen attendance seem to dwindle at our family reunions. Some branches of the family ceased to have a reunion at all. I recently found an old book in the home of my late great grandfather that was the formal minutes for one of the bigger family reunions. This reunion was a very organized and formal event. Family came from as far as hundreds of miles away, which in those days could be quite difficult. New births over the last year were recognized, as well as marriages, deaths, military service, and other important events. There were records of the oldest family member attending every year, and the youngest. There was a formal prayer said at the start, scripture readings, and singing. There were senior family members in charge of the planning, proceedings, and record keeping. Everything was all carefully documented. I remember going to the last few of these reunions when I was young. Almost all of the older family members are gone now. In the early days, I think there was almost a hundred family members in attendance at that reunion. The younger generations just do not seem to place the same level of importance on such events anymore.

 

[BC38]

In our case, a lot of the people are out of date

Passed their expiration date?

We had a big family reunion 3 years ago. Including inlaws, outlaws, and every flavor of shirt-tail relatives. It was a real hoot!
But there were certainly a LARGE percentage of folks in attendance with gray or even white hair.
I fear that as time marches on, and those older folks die off, the attendance will dwindle to the point that such reunions come to an end.
I don't think it is so much a lack of interest from the younger folks as it is due more to the scattered nature of families in modern America. In previous generations most people lived within a couple of hundred miles of where their extended family were. But not anymore.
For example: my family's roots are in southern Missouri, and I grew up in and around St. Louis. My dad passed away nearly 20 years ago having never lived more than 120 miles away from the old family homestead where he was born.
However, I now live in the Pacific north west (Washington state), two of my sisters live in Arkansas, I have another sister living in Iowa, and yet another sister who lives in Colorado. My little brother lives in Pennsylvania, and our mom lives in southern Arizona.
So, at this point I still have a couple of cousins living in Missouri, but that's about it. Everyone else is scattered coast-to-coast.
That makes it pretty hard to pull enough people from all across the country together in one location to have a reunion. The time and cost for the travel alone makes it really difficult.
Just speaking for me and mine, but it doesn't seem to be so much an issue of a lack of interest as it is an issue of logistics.
JMO, and YMMV...

 

[Rudi]

Not anymore. Everyone has passed.

 

[The Last Standing Knight]

Most of the "family reunions" I've seen the family members couldn't stand each other and made no secret of it!

You needed a chain saw to cut through tension.

 

[SMSgt]

My parents were both single children, so family reunions would not have amounted to much. The wife's parents both came from families with lots of kids (6 and 12), so "get-togethers" happened every Thanksgiving. The women would prepare dinner, the men would all go rabbit hunting. It was a good time for all. Too many kin to count. But over the years, death and age cut back on the participants, and the reunions ended. Now if two get together, someone's feeling end up hurt. Sad really.

 

[pawngal]

None for quite a few years. Aunts & uncles are all gone, out of 30 or so cousins, only 5 living and they are scattered coast to coast. I know very few of my second cousins.

 

[Old 44 Guy]

My family was small, my wife's family was large. Reunions were good but now they are all gone. My kids, grands, etc. are scattered all over the nation, So it is not possible for a reunion, darn it.

 

[CH4]

My dad's side has of the family had a few; been decades since our last. Nobody left that cares.

 

[sigp220.45]

I haven't been to one since I was a kid. They've been replaced by Facebook and other social media.

 

[sophie]

Starting in the middle sixties after my wife and I married we had very large family reunions on both sides of our families. They weren't necessarily on a scheduled regular basis. Sometimes the get together would be on my side of the family and other years the reunions would be on her side of the family.My wife's mother had her biological mother died at a young age and their grandmother raised the large family. There were 5 boys and 4 girls that grown into adults and had kids and grandkids. Everyone got along fine and the families grew and then the older ones in the families began to pass on from this world and our get together had fewer and fewer as the years have gone by. We always had such fun games, pitched washers, horseshoes The last reunion on that side of the family has been 7 or 8 years ago and we've been talking about getting together as many as we can. Not very many of the younger generation care about getting together like we used to. There's not many of us left after all these years. We are planning another reunion on her side of the family soon. My side of the family has all passed on except me from my generation and my 2 boys and families. We do get together when we can. Lots of good memories.

 

[Ivan the Butcher]

I started a "Mandatory Attendance Required" tradition, that on odd numbered years, all the family would come to my house for Thanksgiving Day. The oldest son was the oldest grandchild and was in 8th grade when I started this.

By and large this has worked well since 1993. In 1999, the oldest was in The Army and came home, my Sister-in-law had married contestant #2, and we had a Mother/Daughter from church, that year was the record of 38 attendees. The blended family came, but the teenage son never took his coat off and never left the LR couch. The kids tried to get him to join in their games. My wife was talking to her sister on the phone the next week, and I broke in to say I was sorry that David didn't have a good time. She laughed and said that the gathering was all he would talk about! It turns out that this was the first family gathering he had ever been to that nobody got shot or stabbed!

Last year (2023), with the next generation born and no nonfamily guests, max attendance would have been 39, but last minute two got sick, one got called to work and one won't talk to anyone. 35 made it. We put my mom (91) at the head of the center table, so she could see her 9 great grandkids (16years-11months) and their 5 second cousins (18 years-4years)

This Easter we rented a ski lodge/house in WV for us, our kids and their kids. 19 possible. 15 made it. One of my daughters-in-law threw a fit and that household didn't come.

We live in the midst of the "Me Generations" and the "who do you think you are?" mindset has made it hard for even a close family group to come together! I don't see the Thanksgiving gathering happening once my wife and I are gone. This coming Father's Day one of my granddaughters will have her 7th birthday but only 15 of us should be there (instead of 19). It is 528 miles to drive one way for us and #2 son's family to drive. (same 528 miles for the others to come to Thanksgiving).

When my two oldest sons were in the military (one in Germany and the other in Okinawa). They flew home so as not to miss the Thanksgiving Gathering (2003), but I doubt I'll ever see anything like that again!

The excitement of "Gathering" is something every person should get to enjoy!

Ivan

 

[coltle6920]

Grandparents born around early 1900's. Parents including Aunts and Uncles mostly born 1920's. Given what was going on for a big part of their lives they had a lot in common and things to be thankful for.

The generation of baby boomers had it pretty good in comparison. Life styles were improving and while it was rough for some we appreciated what we had and worked hard to afford those extras in our lives.

Even as a baby boomer there seemed to be a disconnect between parent and child. Not much conversation at the dinner table and that was for those that showed up. Didn't have rules for mealtime. Nobody asked "How was your day?".

Family getting together stopped about the time I moved from where the kid's sat to eat to where the adults sat.

Sadly it has become a lost tradition but what great memories!!

 

[HOUSTON RICK]

My experience with large families has been once the patriarch and/or matriarch pass on, the group splinters into the next generation families.

 

[Baxter6551]

In my opinion the key points have been noted by others:
The world has moved on from the family values and practices that a good number of the members here grew up with …. The "me" generation etc.
People now keep in touch constantly via text, social media etc. My wife gets invitations to things such as baby showers / graduation parties etc via text vs taking the time to mail invitations. People are up to date immediately on what even far flung relatives are up to - right down to what Cousin Casandra is having for dinner at the restaurant in Montreal. No need for a large family reunion to get caught up on daily events.
My side of the family hasn't had any large family gatherings since we hosted thanksgiving in like 1984 I think (other than funerals). Sad.
My wife's family has a gathering every year on the 4th of July and at Christmas time. Family members travel from other states to attend. Usually well attended around 35 plus.

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

Were they ever that fashionable ? A lot of people have told me their "family reunions" are usually funerals, since you don't need a formal invitation and aren't expected to bring a gift. One woman told me since she was born when her father was in his 40s all her first cousins were 10-15 years older so they had little in common. Saw her paternal grandfather only once. Then there's the shufflings and reshufflings due to divorce, remarriage. I have known a lot of people-and I am one of them-who have no contact with one side of the family after a divorce.
Something I have noticed over the years-saw another example of it this year-is the number of people I have known for whom the early death of a parent-a father or stepfather especially-was no tragedy.

 

[Greyman50]

Seems funerals are the only " event" where families get together these days.