Rolan_Kraps
Member
A friend sent this to me....
This is the time of year we think back to the very first Christmas, when the
Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and,
according to the Book of Matthew, "... presented unto Him gifts;
gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an
important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of
wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have
said so:
"And lo, the gifts were insideth 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper
was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to
throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him... she saideth, 'Holdeth it!
That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his
eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the
frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first
Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving
those gifts
had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
putting paper
on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my
opinion.
This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.
One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is
"if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person
opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a
matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one
ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said.
"They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can
never
completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and
put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a
regulation
volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a
sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a
marking pen.)
If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of
the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape. On the other
hand, if
you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a
C-130 cargo
plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she
gives
you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately,
which
to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were
possible,
my wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies
that
come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am
presenting...
Gift-Wrapping Tips For Men:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped.
If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it,
you can
claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to
make your
own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half
horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch.
They must be smoking crack.
* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it
inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This
creates a
festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on
Christmas
morning.
YOUR WIFE MAY ASK: "Why is there a Hefty trash bag
under the tree?"
YOU: "It's a gift! See? It has a bow!"
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): "It's a leaf blower."
YOU: "Gas-powered! Five horsepower!"
YOUR WIFE: "I want a divorce."
YOU: "I also got you some myrrh."
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give,
or how
you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is
that you save the receipt.
This is the time of year we think back to the very first Christmas, when the
Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and,
according to the Book of Matthew, "... presented unto Him gifts;
gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an
important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of
wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have
said so:
"And lo, the gifts were insideth 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper
was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to
throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him... she saideth, 'Holdeth it!
That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his
eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the
frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first
Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving
those gifts
had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
putting paper
on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my
opinion.
This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.
One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is
"if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person
opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a
matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one
ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said.
"They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can
never
completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and
put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a
regulation
volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a
sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a
marking pen.)
If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of
the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape. On the other
hand, if
you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a
C-130 cargo
plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she
gives
you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately,
which
to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were
possible,
my wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies
that
come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am
presenting...
Gift-Wrapping Tips For Men:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped.
If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it,
you can
claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to
make your
own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half
horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch.
They must be smoking crack.
* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it
inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This
creates a
festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on
Christmas
morning.
YOUR WIFE MAY ASK: "Why is there a Hefty trash bag
under the tree?"
YOU: "It's a gift! See? It has a bow!"
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): "It's a leaf blower."
YOU: "Gas-powered! Five horsepower!"
YOUR WIFE: "I want a divorce."
YOU: "I also got you some myrrh."
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give,
or how
you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is
that you save the receipt.
