Divorce: When It Comes To An End

4506517

4506517

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As much as it bothers me to say it, I am seriously contemplating divorce.

It really breaks my heart, but at this point I really don't see any other way.

Pretty sure I'm gonna end up responsible for all the debt since everything is in my name, but at this point I'm pretty much okay with that.

I know it sounds funny, but I primarily worry about the dogs. She brought them into the marriage, so they belong to her. I just worry about them after the split.

About the only things I really want to walk away with are my cat, my guns, some family items, and some clothes.

Anyone else go through a bad divorce?

I completely understand if you would rather not share.
 
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I've been through two. You NEED a strong, junk yard dog lawyer [EDIT: who will protect your interests above all else] knowledgeable about divorce. You will pay a lawyer, or you will pay her for the rest of your life, just my opinion based on experience.

Get a signed agreement between you and your lawyer on time and cost to get a completed divorce. The fee clock is running until a settlement is reached in the court room. If her lawyer won't reach an agreement, get one in the court room from the judge with you, your wife, and your lawyers present.

It IS about the MONEY, and who GETS it ! ! ! :mad: Just understand you are the source of all money. :confused:

EDIT: If your attorney is a Stanley Milktoast, you will get screwed by your attorney, her attorney, and the judge.
 
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"About the only things I really want to walk away with are my cat, my guns, some family items, and some clothes." If you can walk away with that much, consider yourself a lucky man.
I went through it twice and that's about all I left with and maybe a car and figured the rest is just "sticks and bricks" that can all be easily replaced in time. Then walk on brother.
 
I hope you can find a way to work it out instead.

But if not, my only advice at this point would be not to reveal the things you want to walk away with.

They might end up being the only things you don't.

Signed,

Twice divorced; third wife was the charm
 
From the wife side I'll give you a few pointers.
Keep your nose VERY clean, no hint of playing around.
Keep Your friends close and your guns closer.
Hopefully you have some assets(money) that she doesn't know about.
Get a good lawyer.

If 2 of my ex's had followed the above, I would have lost everything including my kids. I was seriously the "Bad" one. But neither of them
were smart enough to do things right, thank goodness.
 
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I have never cheated or been otherwise disingenuous. I go to work and come home. Go work off duty and come home.

My wife is very controlling. That, coupled with low self esteem and bi polar disorder which she is "self medicating" has created an environment which I am increasing unable to tolerate.

I have two step daughters, 10 and 12. Their father is involved with their lives and makes his child support payments. I don't have a good relationship with the kids. My wife asks me to discipline, then goes behind me and reverses any punishment I enacted.

We have been off and on for over 10 years. My income pays most of the bills. Once I'm gone, she will not be able to afford the house. Unfortunately, the mortgage is in my name, so I'm gonna take it on the nose in that aspect.

My wife is a VERY volatile person. She is unpredictable and in the past ANYTHING has gone.
 
I'm going through some garbage right now , everybody is different but if you can be fair and honest , even let her take the big half
You'll feel better for it , you loved each other once right ?
If the fogs are hers , then let her take them .
Be a gentleman if she'll let you
 
Did you own the house before you were married? If so, you should be able to keep it. Otherwise, sell it and both move on.

Glad to hear the father is involved in the girls' lives, so they won't be without a father figure.
 
Divorce is usually the result of a marriage that never should have been. As long as there are no children I have no problem with the current easy and quick divorce.

What I really would like to see are laws that make marriage more difficult to arrange in the first place. All too often Peggy Sue meets Billy Bob and their hormones flare and all too soon they are married. After about 6 months the hormones cool and they can’t for the life of themselves remember what they saw in the other person. Sooner or later one or the other will admit that it was a huge mistake and start divorce proceedings.

All well and good except when there are children that have been born into the marriage. It does not take a village, but it does take two parents working together, not in separate homes, to raise a child.

Of course there are exceptions where one parent manages to do a decent job of raising children, but for every success there are 10 disasters.

If there are no children, the best thing you can do is keep all attorneys out of it until you and your soon to be ex work out all the details. If and if is a big if, you are both wanting the divorce and you are both mature and still like each other a simple and rational divorce is possible.

If one are both of the parties is bitter or mean spirited or unreasonable (about 95% of the time) then get a good lawyer and expect the only winners to be the lawyers. The more animosity and divisiveness they can create the more time they spend and the more money they make.

If either party decides to play hardball then both sides pretty much have to play hardball. If that happens neither party will be very happy with the results, but a couple of divorce attorneys will be ecstatic. Always remember their advice is aimed at increasing their billable hours not at providing you with a good result. 98% of all attorneys are this way and it is a rare exception that is not.
 
Years ago I was in the same sort of thing. My dear old Dad reminded me that my dead horse will never gallop with me again, that a dead Eagle will only soar again in our minds, and that when a marriage is dead, it is certainly dead.
In my case, trying to keep a dead marriage alive never worked, at all!
Generally, divorce can get ugly.
The road is long, but it was worth the struggle.
I never look back, and I found a happiness as my parents knew.
All the best. Life starts now. Peter
 
Why can't two agree to divorce. Split things equally. Be friends after parting. Use one lawyer. Keep it simple and affordable.

After being married for forty years we kind of get into a groove where everyday is the same for both of us. We hardly argue. We're not perfect we just put up with each other.
 
BigBill said:
Why can't two agree to divorce. Split things equally. Be friends after parting. Use one lawyer. Keep it simple and affordable.

After being married for forty years we kind of get into a groove where everyday is the same for both of us. We hardly argue. We're not perfect we just put up with each other.
Click to expand...

The lawyer can only represent one of you. The two of them can scheme and plot behind your back and he can't tell you.
 
BigBill said:
Why can't two agree to divorce. Split things equally. Be friends after parting. Use one lawyer. Keep it simple and affordable.

After being married for forty years we kind of get into a groove where everyday is the same for both of us. We hardly argue. We're not perfect we just put up with each other.
Click to expand...

Both very good points.
Both my marriages ended very equitable for both parties and we still occasionally speak to each other, especially the one with our kids.

Second point. At my mother and father's 65th anniversary party, someone commented to me that they thought it "was a marriage made in heaven" to which I replied "maybe the first 5 years, the other 60 were held together with a whole lot of tolerance." I find that to be true in a lot of marriages I'm aware of. :eek: :D
 
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