get all ur valuables out some some place safe guns , coins, family stuff saftey deposit box then put bank accounts in your name only or empty them if credit card are in both name shut them down quick or u will be responsible then split home and start new life. i told my friend this and he said she would do that yea right he got taken like the fool he was
Divorce: When It Comes To An End
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Brian41
Member
Sorry you're going through this as the death of any marriage is a sad thing.
Do as your attorney says and don't date. I didn't follow that advice and it hurt me too. There is life after divorce but it's a hard road to travel to get there most times. Stuff can be replaced later and plan on giving up a lot of it too.
I did move my guns out and was a good move. My ex-wife did me a favor though and left me.. No children and went pretty much 50/50. I had the nasty lawyer and she our mutual friend. Mine was all for my interest and did stack the deck in my favor.
Good luck and do keep a journal writing everything down.
Do as your attorney says and don't date. I didn't follow that advice and it hurt me too. There is life after divorce but it's a hard road to travel to get there most times. Stuff can be replaced later and plan on giving up a lot of it too.
I did move my guns out and was a good move. My ex-wife did me a favor though and left me.. No children and went pretty much 50/50. I had the nasty lawyer and she our mutual friend. Mine was all for my interest and did stack the deck in my favor.
Good luck and do keep a journal writing everything down.
Brother,
I have been there and done that. I won't repeat all the things you read above, most was good info. Get a lawyer you trust, but don't be willing to give up everything you have worked for; you may have to change lawyers, don't rule that out.
She will probably try to get a piece of your pension, negotiate that away if you can (w/ the lawyer).Bought mine out. Pensions are important and being attacked by politicians nationwide, even worse if you have share it.
Get someone you trust to talk these things out, I had best friend who helped me out immensely, don't rule out the "C' word, there is nothing wrong w/ counseling, sometimes you need to know if you are thinking straight.
Someone told me once that going through a divorce is like dealing with a DIF, I disagree, its a lot worse, but there is life after divorce, and the sun comes up every morning. Good Luck.
I have been there and done that. I won't repeat all the things you read above, most was good info. Get a lawyer you trust, but don't be willing to give up everything you have worked for; you may have to change lawyers, don't rule that out.
She will probably try to get a piece of your pension, negotiate that away if you can (w/ the lawyer).Bought mine out. Pensions are important and being attacked by politicians nationwide, even worse if you have share it.
Get someone you trust to talk these things out, I had best friend who helped me out immensely, don't rule out the "C' word, there is nothing wrong w/ counseling, sometimes you need to know if you are thinking straight.
Someone told me once that going through a divorce is like dealing with a DIF, I disagree, its a lot worse, but there is life after divorce, and the sun comes up every morning. Good Luck.
Comrad
Member
Wives are like a tornado when it's over the house is gone.
MKT
Member
BTDT as well. Ex was also Bi-polar, which I thought would get better with the meds but it was a hell of a roller coaster (she self adjusted her meds regularly base don how she felt). Stuck with it way longer than I should have because the first divorce attorney I consulted painted a picture of alimony & child support I couldn't afford. Eventually it got to a point that I couldn't NOT afford to do it.
You do want a good attorney, not necessarily a junkyard dog but a fighter who will fight for you.
You also want to be the petitioner and not the respondent. I was and it helped things go a little more smoothly but she did find ways to drag me back to court out of spite for several years. I wouldn't expect anything less in your case.
It has been said several times, leave your problems away from work. You gotta be in the right mind on the street. In my case, I would show up early to work and stay in the briefing room an hour or so at the end of shift to help separate work from home and home from work.
It has been well over 20 years now and I am in a great place with a great wife. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
You do want a good attorney, not necessarily a junkyard dog but a fighter who will fight for you.
You also want to be the petitioner and not the respondent. I was and it helped things go a little more smoothly but she did find ways to drag me back to court out of spite for several years. I wouldn't expect anything less in your case.
It has been said several times, leave your problems away from work. You gotta be in the right mind on the street. In my case, I would show up early to work and stay in the briefing room an hour or so at the end of shift to help separate work from home and home from work.
It has been well over 20 years now and I am in a great place with a great wife. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Something to keep in mind after the dust settles.We all seem to have a type we're attracted too.Dont get sucked in again [emoji57]
CatSnipah
Member
Yep. One of the first things I did was stop posting on social media for a time. Although, it was easier back then, as it was not quite as popular or available.
I kept my posting to one sports related website for my undergrad school.
Lots of good advice in this thread. Keep your nose clean. Be overly calm. Be careful who you trust. A few people that I thought were friends were hiding some dirt, and I later had to deal with their ****, too. Once all was settled, of course...remember the part about keeping your nose clean.
CatSnipah
Member
Oh, another thing...saw it mentioned. Don't be embarrassed about getting counseling. I waited. Thought I was too tough. Finally utilized EAP to find some help. Didn't take long or much to get me back in a good spot, but afterwards, I couldn't believe I'd waited.
R. G. Amos
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Be very careful about simply walking out. Such can be considered abandonment and judges in general disapprove of this.
Cdog
Member
Document as much as possible.
Unsubstantiated claims will be made and it's a great feeling to disprove them. It's a sickening feeling when you can't.
I got soaked both ways. Legal fees alone were staggering. The rest is a feeling of being violated. I'm trying to look forward, but I ain't gonna lie about it. It can be difficult to look forward when your past is draining you dry.
Be cautious. Trust no one. Your lawyer ain't your friend. He/She is an hourly wage employee that may take you for a ride while so fervently "protecting your interest." Did I mention, "BE CAUTIOUS!"
Unsubstantiated claims will be made and it's a great feeling to disprove them. It's a sickening feeling when you can't.
I got soaked both ways. Legal fees alone were staggering. The rest is a feeling of being violated. I'm trying to look forward, but I ain't gonna lie about it. It can be difficult to look forward when your past is draining you dry.
Be cautious. Trust no one. Your lawyer ain't your friend. He/She is an hourly wage employee that may take you for a ride while so fervently "protecting your interest." Did I mention, "BE CAUTIOUS!"
1. Hit Man
2. Kidnapper
3. Foreign Legion
4. Irritate a Drug Cartel
5. Turn all assets into cash, put your firearms and dog into your truck, and hideout in Wyoming. AND become a cowboy and gun trader.
2. Kidnapper
3. Foreign Legion
4. Irritate a Drug Cartel
5. Turn all assets into cash, put your firearms and dog into your truck, and hideout in Wyoming. AND become a cowboy and gun trader.
Possibly this is practical advice, but I must tell you that not only did I have an ethical attorney for my divorce 35 years ago, but he insisted that my wife have a lawyer, recommended one, and each lawyer was paid about the amount of a monthly child-support payment. That was two lawyers in Key West, so for your numbers to be right, there must have been at least 100 lawyers in Key West, and no other honest lawyers in town. I have a feeling that that was not the case.
Just trying to keep the record straight, and not be more discouraging than necessary. Your advice is still sound.
Zeman
Member
I'd say you married my ex-wife, but we never had two girls, and no one in their right mind would marry my ex. You seem intelligent, so just get a pit bull lawyer, and prepare to wait and pay. In the end it will be worth it. I stayed married for 20 years to this terrible person because we had a special needs daughter. I think I did the right thing by staying married for our children, but it sure was not fun at all. Even today, one of my sons will not speak to me.
Rick Bowles
Absent Comrade
I was married for 24 years to the wrong woman. She finally left me for her mother. They were both very happy until her mother croaked. I was happy as a clam for three years living by myself. Then one day I walked into a store, saw this woman who worked there and instantly knew she was the one. She was a widow with four kids but I didn't care. I had successfully raised two kids and I knew how. We saw each other for a year and got married. This New Year's Eve we will have been married 14 years and we have never had an argument. She's the finest woman, the best wife, an amazing mother and the best first mate I could ever imagine. My point is that everything happens for a reason. I would suggest that you make her ask for the divorce. If she wants it first she may be more willing to make concessions to expedite things. Besides, if she files first it makes you look more sympathetic.
BigBill
Absent Comrade
I'd rather give up a lot if I wasn't happy. Material things means nothing when it comes to happiness.
That works with two....
That works with two reasonable people. I think a few years back uncontested divorces with no kids cost about $250. However, if one is unstable, man I would get a good DIVORCE lawyer because halfway through those amicable proceedings if one goes nuts, the other has to play catch up. If that happens, have NO SYMPATHY, give NO QUARTER or you will regret it. Football is a game of inches and divorce is a game of dollars.
That works with two reasonable people. I think a few years back uncontested divorces with no kids cost about $250. However, if one is unstable, man I would get a good DIVORCE lawyer because halfway through those amicable proceedings if one goes nuts, the other has to play catch up. If that happens, have NO SYMPATHY, give NO QUARTER or you will regret it. Football is a game of inches and divorce is a game of dollars.
Pawatch
Member
Everyone usually likes marriage so much the first time they end up trying it again. 
For me 2nd time was good 33 years and counting.
Some good advice! Life is to short to be unhappy.
For me 2nd time was good 33 years and counting.
Some good advice! Life is to short to be unhappy.
jtcarm
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I see tons of legal advice here, but it's largely useless since there are 50 states that each have their own domestic law.
Within each of those 50 states are who knows how many different courts with different judges who may interpret the law differently. This is a bit of an extreme example, but my home state of TX, where I went through a divorce 15 years ago, has 254 counties. At the time, there were six family courts in my county alone (granted, I am in a larger county.)
So my divorce was 15 years ago in TX. I can tell you what things were like here then, and in my specific situation (which was complex.) Even if the laws are exactly the same, there are trends in how they're interpreted, new judges, etc. So don't do a thing until you have consulted a family law specialist who is intimately familiar with how things work in your area. The caliber (and cost) of what you need will be dependent on your situation, e.g. kids and you want custody, you will need a big gun (which is not the same thing as a junkyard dog.)
My advice: if you have kids, unless your spouse is truly unfit, do what you must to keep it together. Otherwise, wait till their grown. I divorced when my daughter was 11 and got custody. Her mom was a drain on the whole family, but in hindsight, I wish I had hung in there another seven years till she was grown.
On the other hand, if you're miserable and don't have kids, I see no reason to stay miserable.
Within each of those 50 states are who knows how many different courts with different judges who may interpret the law differently. This is a bit of an extreme example, but my home state of TX, where I went through a divorce 15 years ago, has 254 counties. At the time, there were six family courts in my county alone (granted, I am in a larger county.)
So my divorce was 15 years ago in TX. I can tell you what things were like here then, and in my specific situation (which was complex.) Even if the laws are exactly the same, there are trends in how they're interpreted, new judges, etc. So don't do a thing until you have consulted a family law specialist who is intimately familiar with how things work in your area. The caliber (and cost) of what you need will be dependent on your situation, e.g. kids and you want custody, you will need a big gun (which is not the same thing as a junkyard dog.)
My advice: if you have kids, unless your spouse is truly unfit, do what you must to keep it together. Otherwise, wait till their grown. I divorced when my daughter was 11 and got custody. Her mom was a drain on the whole family, but in hindsight, I wish I had hung in there another seven years till she was grown.
On the other hand, if you're miserable and don't have kids, I see no reason to stay miserable.
Triathloncoach
Member
The first rule of That Club is not to talk about That Club.
Although it's nice to hear someone admit that they were the bad guy (gender poetic license)
Everyone has a Crazy X or two. I've never met someone who says that they are the crazy X. I see one when I look in the mirror.
I've never gone through a divorce, 17 years and counting on my marriage. But all I have read is that is the #1 listed item on the list of stressful events.
When I divorced 13 years ago, I was able to keep all of my firearms because I had a good lawyer and my wife had a female lawyer. This combination worked well. When it came to listing assets, my lawyer told me to list the firearms as a gun collection with a fair dollar value. When her attorney came back with wanting a itemized list, my lawyer sent back, X handguns, Y rifles and Z shotguns. The female attorney demanded an itemized list and my attorney sent back, X1 revolvers, X2 semi-auto handguns, Y1 bolt rifles, Y2 semi-auto rifles, Z1 pump shot guns and Z2 semi-auto shotguns. The value number never changed. By complying with the requests for information and my wife's lawyer not understand firearms, were we able to not provide a detailed listing of each individual firearm so they could never dispute the dollar value I provided. As the trial date approached, my lawyer kept finding other categories into which to place them, i.e. military, commercial, pre-WWII, post-WWII, magazine fed, single shot, etc. He kept giving them information they requested but the information was not really helpful. In the end, she accepted the dollar value I place on the firearms. However, because I kept the house, I did have to write her a check for half of the value of the house which was a considerable amount.
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