Divorce: When It Comes To An End

[STCM(SW)]

Old song. .
"She got the gold mine, I got the shaft!"

Now, how do I know that ...

But I still made out better.
All she has is lots of money, I Have
The best wife now.

 

[R. G. Amos]

I was divorced many years ago. I now consider it an act of exorcism.

 

[Cpo1944]

My Sweet wife and I are married for 49 years it will be 50 on March 1st . we only came close to a separation once or twice, so I have no personal experience , but my son went thru a very nasty divorce four years ago,and he is still in shock. Yesterday was Christmas and he`s in Orlando while his children are in NJ. I called him and while he put on a brave face I know he was heartsick. Thank God you have no children with her, and it sounds like you won't miss her kids much. Do Not move out of the house and try to keep all communications and relations on a calm friendly/or at least non-acromonious level, get a good lawyer, and it should all work out

 

[erics]

As the "Gambler" said KNOW WHEN TO HOLD EM AND WHEN TO FOLD EM.
As to fold em, have a very good plan and verrry good legal advice before making any "public "move. Not the first divorce to happen or the last.

 

[Marine Corps Air]

FWIW,

1. I agree with pawngal. From this point forward until it is all settled, stay out of the dating scene. This avoids having to defend yourself against an adultery allegation;

2. I'd set up a separate bank account for whom she is not the beneficiary. When it comes to cash, and cash equivalents, human beings become animals;

3. Engineer1911 has great advice - find the meanest, "Junkyard Dog" attorney that you can afford. You may not need those skills, but once the divorce proceedings begin, you just can't imagine the tactics that the other person will use, especially if they are receiving advice from co-workers, other divorcees, relatives, etc. You'll be prepared to effectively defend yourself against almost all arguments;

4. I don't believe that your state is a "community property" state, which is one less huge potential headache;

5. From this day forward, keep all of the written records that you might be able to obtain, and keep a written log of everything that happens every day. This record will become very valuable once the court proceedings begin;

6. Always be civil towards her, no matter what happens. The last thing that you need is to have a restraining order filed against you;

7. If you have a mortgage and if both your names are on the mortgage, contact your mortgage company to determine what actions you must take, and what options are available to you. You may have both previously qualified for the mortgage, but may not be able to qualify now. Ask about a quit claim deed and novation;

8. And lastly, engage a Certified Public Accountant who has extensive divorce proceeding and divorce settlement experience. In 38 years of practice I have yet to meet an attorney who can meet this standard. I've worked through almost a dozen divorces with my clients. They ALL have had income tax implications. I've also seen too many final divorce settlements that skewered my clients, legally and financially!

 

[BruceHMX]

If she is controlling and has a mental disorder there is no help for that.

I was once married to one like that too. None of your own children are involved. Get out now but get the best attorney you can find.

 

[GtownGeorge]

Didn't read all the posts so if this was already posted sorry, but consider this, HER lawyer will be reading this post, and all your other posts on any forum, facebook etc.

 

[Redeker]

Gtowngeorge is right. Texts may also be involved, so TALK on the phone. Those are just tracked by times.

Sent from my MILESTONE3 using Tapatalk 2

 

[sigp220.45]

I've got one under my belt. Married 3 years, no kids, no lawyer, no contact since it was done. Oddly, my main concern was also the dog, which she had put down. Been married 27 years to Wife #2, for whom I was also Hubby #2.

 

[4011]

Good luck Sir. Watch your emotions while on duty. The domestic calls can look like home sometimes.

 

[4506517]

I appreciate everyone sharing such personal things with me.

Sadly, due to her "volatility" I will have to be the one that leaves. Unfortunately it will also have to be unannounced, due to her "history" of being uncontrollable.

I have kept my online presence to a minimum. I don't have Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Pinterest, etc. This is the only place I participate online.

Again, I really appreciate everyone sharing. It really helps.

 

[Onomea]

Above all, get a good lawyer. He or she will be worth it.

 

[vigil617]

I disagree with the advice about hiring a "junkyard dog" attorney.

Unless there are significant amounts of assets to be divided, you will be better served by hiring a local attorney who specializes in domestic law and who has a good reputation for reasonableness. Your interests will be protected and defended, while at the same time your attorney will be able to cooperate (I hope) with the other side's attorney. This is a much better situation than one in which take-no-prisoners attorneys are involved, which will lengthen and complicate things unnecessarily (except for the wallets of the attorneys).

Too often, I think, divorcing people hire hard-nosed attorneys as a way of making the opposing party's life as difficult as possible, for selfish and hurtful reasons. It doesn't help, and when all is said and done, you won't be any more or less divorced than if you had gone with reasonable, professional, and non-ego-driven attorneys.

Trust me on this one.

 

[Rpg]

OP: a divorce, like most significant moves, is best when planned.

Talk to a good divorce lawyer before you announce your intent : divorce planning can make a huge difference.

Do what your lawyer tells you to do.

 

[reddogge]

Don't do like my friend's son just did. Wife cleaned him out one weekend he was away. He divorced her which cost lots of money. 6 months later they are dating and living together again. My friend said, "He has lost his mind."

 

[Rangerpat]

I feel your pain, been divorced twice; time heals all things eventually.

Get yourself a good female lawyer that specializes in "Divorce with dignity," pay her for advice. You get what you pay for here... nothing.

Good luck and try to stay focused while on the job, don't let this get you down too much.

There truly are worse things in life...

 

[Rastoff]

I can offer nothing but sympathy. The best, most amicable divorces are still ugly.

You know why divorce is so expensive?... Because it is worth it

This is so sad that people think this way. It's true that many divorces started long before the marriage. But that doesn't mean it has to be this way.


I tell everyone I know who is contemplating marriage, the worst day single is better than the best day in a bad marriage.

 

[smokindog]

1) Hire a DIVORCE attorney, preferably through friend referral.

2) Listen to that attorney and ONLY to that attorney. If you feel you can't, that means you don't trust that attorney, meaning repeat step 1.

3) Take this subject off line and private, with your ATTORNEY, and ONLY with your attorney.

FAIR is a term that only has meaning to ONE person and it rarely is the same between the participants of a divorce.

I have a pre-nup and would still follow my guidelines above!

Best of luck......

 

[Hapworth]

Good advice throughout the thread. I'll only add:

1) Document and create a timeline for her volatile behavior and self-medicating; obtain as much verifiable information regarding both as possible.

2) Get your financial ducks in a row, hire the lawyer and put everything in place well before you actually leave or sue for divorce or even hint at either.

3) Already advised but worth repeating: keep your nose clean in every way -- personal and professional -- until the papers are signed and the divorce legally finalized.

 

[4506517]

I'd just like to thank everyone again for all the suggestions and advice.

You guys have been very helpful.