The newer RCBS expander dies are M-type. If your's is not you might try one of those. The expander plug is longer & stepped. I find they're better for soft bullets that are easily deformed since it expands the brass deeper making seating not as hard.
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+1^^^^^
Typically when you start smashing/swaging bullets down when trying to seat them, it's from too much neck tension from using the wrong expander ball.
Unless specified reloading dies come with expanders that are designed for jacketed bullets. Jacketed bullets tend to have shorter bodies (less bullet in the case) and smaller in diameter than their lead/plated/pc'd counterparts. The end result is it takes so much force to get the bullet into the undersized case, it gets deformed.
A m-die expanding cases.
The m-die goes deeper into the case, this helps to not only protect the soft bullet's base. It take less force to seat the longer/softer bullets. Less force ='s less pressure on the nose of the bullet which ='s less deformation of the soft bullet.
I made a custom expander to use my .358" diameter cast/coated bullets in the 9mm cases. The custom expander next to a lee factory expander, you can see the brass "watermark" on the custom expander. That shows/tells you how far it is going into the 9mm brass.
A factory 45acp expander ball next to a lyman m-die. You can see the ring/watermark the brass left on the factory expander.
When reloading 9mm's with cast/plated/pc'd bullets a lot of reloaders use a 38s&w expander or buy a cheap expander from NEO bullet moulds of use a lyman m-die.
You're going to spend $24 to get a custom seating stem & still have to use too much pressure to seat it. Look forward to swaging/deforming the bullet bases of your soft plated bullets.
2 of my favorite bullets to cast/coat/load in 9mm cases. They are +/- 9bhn and sized to .358". What you don't see is any bullet deformation, wasp waist, bullet base showing thru the case, bullet bulge, etc. O ya, that's what a +/- 3/1000th's taper crimp looks like.
The correct expander for the bullet you're using makes reloading 9mm's child's play.